


Silver Ashes

by rangikulovesyou



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, F/M, Post-TYBW, Redemption, Spoilers, basically everyone close to rangiku or gin makes an appearance at some point, except aizen. he gets mentioned a few times that's it, ginran - Freeform, sweet but not fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 54,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangikulovesyou/pseuds/rangikulovesyou
Summary: There was no playbook for this, he thought, just like there was no playbook for the aftermath of a war. No rulebook for forgiveness. No script for rebuilding trust.But he was making progress - more progress than he deserved.--------------------------------------Gin is comatose for 2 years following the battle with Aizen, and only awakens after the Soul Society has begun to rebuild. Despite his prior attempts to redeem himself, he is tried and exiled to the human world and is required to stay within Urahara’s shop as a temporary measure. Rangiku sneaks out to visit him, and slowly, they begin to rebuild their relationship.An alternate ending. Spoilers through the end of the manga and minor spoilers for the Can't Fear Your Own World novels (although it pertains to events directly referenced in the series.)
Relationships: Ichimaru Gin/Matsumoto Rangiku
Comments: 27
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternate ending, in which Gin does not quite die.
> 
> Anime spoilers abound. There are only mild Thousand Year Blood War spoilers in here, so if you're even vaguely familiar with TYBW, there's not much new to see. (I deliberately did not name any character deaths in this.) There are definitely minor spoilers about who ends up where, though, so be warned!

Rangiku had faced Hollows, Soul Reapers, and Aizen himself. She had been nearly cut in half, zombified, and probably a half-dozen other things her mind had blocked out over the years.

Nothing quite compared to the heavy, gnawing fear that had settled into the pit of her stomach as she faced the Central 46. There was too much at stake, and too many horrible memories she would have to drag forth to make things right.

It would hurt a lot less if she was at least allowed to see Gin’s face during these proceedings. Instead, she had been called in alone and asked to testify about the events leading up to the final battle, when he had betrayed Aizen and had nearly - _very_ nearly - been killed in return.

“And did you witness Gin Ichimaru stabbing Sousuke Aizen?”

Rangiku didn’t know the identity of the man who had been questioning her for the past two hours, but she knew that if she didn’t answer right, then her wishes would fall apart. “No, I only saw the aftermath.”

“In which Aizen had stabbed Ichimaru.”

“Correct.”

There was a long pause. “The accused recently told us that you two were childhood friends, and that at one point in your youth, you were attacked by three men who served Aizen. Is that true?”

Rangiku swallowed hard. She had heard rumors from the medics who had cared for Gin in the days after he woke up. They had been sworn to secrecy, of course, but that was no matter in the gossip circles of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. Something as major as Gin Ichimaru waking up - a man who shouldn't have been alive, especially after the devastation wreaked upon on the Soul Society just a few months prior - would never be so easily silenced.

“We were childhood friends, and I was attacked by three men who stole a - a power from me.” She paused and thought for a moment. “I didn’t know those men served Aizen, though. I never really found out what happened.”

She heard a murmur ripple through the shadowy numbered panels surrounding her, and her heart skipped a beat. “Ichimaru never told you about that day?”

“He - he told me he had witnessed it and had been too late to stop them, but he never said he knew anything about the culprits.” Rangiku’s voice had jumped a half-octave, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her hakama.

“So you had no reason to believe he held a grudge against Aizen.”

“No. Once he left with Aizen after Rukia Kuchiki was almost executed…” Rangiku’s breath shuddered and nearly halted. “I thought he was really on Aizen’s side.”

The murmurs grew louder. “And you never asked him to take revenge against those who hurt you?” her questioner asked.

“No. Never.” She wasn’t sure if that answer would help or hurt his cause; after all, Central 46 might end up believing that he had made the revenge story up as an easy explanation for how he had ended up stabbed by his own comrade.

“Did you know why he wanted to become a Soul Reaper?”

“He said he would change things - fix things - so I wouldn’t cry anymore.”

There was a long pause, and she heard shuffling papers. “Did he say anything to you between when you found him and when he fell unconscious?”

She thought for a moment. “No. I think he was trying to, but--”

“A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ will suffice, Lieutenant.” There were more shuffling papers. “And did Aizen say anything else to Ichimaru while he was lying there?”

“Not that I recall.”

A hollow pause. The murmuring started up again, but then the voice replied: “You are dismissed, Lieutenant.”

The guards at her sides moved in, and she flinched before she realized that they were merely escorting her out. She followed them, legs shaking, and the proceedings did not continue until the doors to the chamber had closed behind her.

\----------------------------------------------

She didn’t sleep the next night. At one point the next day, she fell asleep on the couch while attempting to do paperwork. Toshiro hadn’t scolded her, and had instead shooed the other Squad members from the room.

She slept for an hour at best.

Izuru had been called in to testify about Gin two days before her, but she had been forbidden from having contact with him until the trial's conclusion. Toshiro had testified sometime before that, but as it wasn’t practical to bar her from speaking to her own Captain, Central 46 had merely forbidden them from talking about the case. Toshiro was still a stickler for rules, so he had complied.

And when she tried to continue her work through blurred vision and eyes that kept sliding shut, there was nothing Toshiro could do to comfort her. That was arguably better than him trying to help, since she knew he still wasn't convinced that Gin deserved any mercy. 

So she was alone, and there was nothing she could do but wait.

That evening, he left for a Captains’ meeting, and she fell asleep on the couch after one glass of sake. The sound of the door sliding open awoke her some time later, and she shot up, peering into the near-darkness.

Toshiro stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway sharply silhouetting him. She couldn’t see his face.

He waited half a beat, as if waiting for her to speak first. When she didn’t, he turned on the lights, closed the door behind him, and said: “They already made a decision. Exile into the World of the Living and loss of powers, same as Kisuke Urahara. Although this time, they will actually make sure to strip Gin's powers properly.”

Rangiku froze. Toshiro looked away, his eyes fixing on something behind her and to her right. “Not the outcome we expected,” he continued. “The new Central 46 is a little more forgiving than the old regime, apparently, and I suspect someone was pulling some strings behind the scenes. It seemed Aizen himself confirmed that Ichimaru had betrayed him, but that didn’t help Ichimaru's case that much. After all, there’s the chance that the two of them made up their story to get Ichimaru off the hook so he could cause more trouble.”

“He won’t.” Rangiku felt tears slip down her cheeks, but she didn’t bother hiding them. “Captain, I promise you, he won’t.”

“I believe you.” He sighed. “Anyway, Ichimaru’s case hinged on the idea that he was a small child and under Aizen’s influence when the criminal acts began, and by the time Gin was old enough to get out, he couldn’t - not without fighting his way out. So by that point, it almost made sense for him to look for an opportunity to destroy Aizen’s plan from within.”

She closed her eyes. She had always avoided thinking about how young Gin had been when he got sucked into that world.

“They argued about it a lot before deciding, and one of the compromises was that Ichimaru would remain in Urahara’s care as a sort of ‘probation’ until they can come up with a better way to monitor him for the rest of his life. Something foolproof, since they're not convinced rehabilitation will happen. And if he steps one toe out of line, they'll lock him up, or worse.”

“That’s fine.” Her lip quivered. She felt his gaze shift back to her, and she ducked her head, tears dripping onto the couch. “He won't mess up. He’s not going to the Nest of Maggots, and he’s not dead. I can live with it.”

He crossed to the desk. “Go sleep, Lieutenant. I don’t want to see you before noon tomorrow.”

“When will he go there?”

He didn’t respond at first. She looked up at him, squinting through the tears blurring her eyes. “When?” she repeated.

“They didn’t say. I’m assuming if he was recovered enough to stand trial, he’s healthy enough to be moved right away.”

“That’s fine.” She wiped her eyes. “It’s better that way. Better than staying in that hellhole.”


	2. The Approach, Part I

Gin had apparently spent a full 28 months in the Repentance Cell - not that he remembered most of it. Even while he was comatose, they had kept him under every kind of lock and key possible. Allegedly, the only reason why he hadn’t been kept in the Nest of Maggots was because Captain Kotetsu had raised hell about the very idea of having to send her people down there to treat him.

He wasn't even allowed to be present for large portions of his trial, but when he was there, there had been long presentations detailing the evidence for and against him. The Central 46 was hung up on the fact that there had been no direct witnesses to him stabbing Aizen and stealing back the Hogyoku. The residual spiritual pressure all over the scene was enough to paint a picture of the fact that he had stabbed Aizen and Aizen had stabbed him, but the key deciding factor was _why._

The fact that he had never been able to tell Rangiku that Aizen had arranged the attack on her, or anything else about why Gin did what he did, was also a complicating factor. He told anyone who would listen after he woke up, but the lack of a - what was the technical term the Central 46 used? - _contemporaneous account_ of his original motives cast doubt on his claim of plotting to betray Aizen the entire time. 

They had also honed in on the massacre of the original Central 46 shortly before Aizen's team had defected. Gin hadn't been involved in that event, and hadn't even known that Aizen planned to kill them until after he had done it. Luckily, the evidence in that case couldn't connect Gin directly to the massacre - and if he had been involved, he was certain he would be in the Nest of Maggots at best. 

All things considered, exile and removal of powers was a light sentence. He could only hope one of his new housemates didn’t kill him during their time together.

The door to his room slid open, and Yoruichi stuck her head in. “Breakfast,” she said, before slamming it shut again.

Gin carefully sat up. His soul was struggling to adjust to the gigai, and he was honestly glad he had someone to live with for the time being while he recuperated. His gigai was the same appearance as his spirit form, because after much discussion, Central 46 had decided that he didn't deserve _that_ much of a fresh start. He would keep his same face, denying him of any anonymity should a Soul Reaper see him. He didn't mind, in the end; his face was his own, and losing it might make the whole experience even more jarring.

A wave of orange hair danced in front of his gaze, faint as a phantom, and he blinked it away. There was no use pining over her after all the damage he’d done in her name.

He clumsily changed clothes - today was an extra-baggy flannel shirt and sweatpants, courtesy of Yoruichi’s run to the thrift store - and headed into the kitchen. Ururu greeted him with her usual politeness, but Jinta just glared up from his video games.

Gin didn’t blame the kid. As Ururu brought his breakfast, he pondered how weird it must be to have a notorious criminal suddenly living in their house.

“Miss Yoruichi says you should clean the entryway today,” Ururu said after she had set his tray down. “I’ll be cleaning outside, so if you need anything, just let me know.”

“Hey, now, I don’t think it’s legal for us to be making him our servant while he’s here.”

Gin looked up at the sound of Kisuke Urahara’s voice. He hadn’t felt the older man approach - not that he could feel much these days, anyway, with his spiritual powers completely stripped.

Kisuke yawned and sat down next to him. “If Yoruichi tries to make him clean, send her to me,” Kisuke said to Ururu. “She’s not even supposed to be here right now, anyway.”

Gin smiled. “I don’t really mind. It’ll be nice to have some semblance of…” He pursed his lips. “Normalcy, I guess. Plus, isn't too cold to be making the kids clean outside?”

“Nah, they're fine. Probably better than you, honestly.” Kisuke looked him over, his eyes settling on Gin’s chest. “How’s the gigai?”

“It’s fine. I still feel weak, but I think that’s because of the soul more than the gigai itself.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“How much are we getting paid to babysit him?” Jinta said without looking up from his game. “We’ve already fed him for two days--”

Kisuke smacked him with a folded fan. “You can do Mr. Ichimaru’s share of the cleaning, Jinta. He needs to get ready for his meeting with the Captains responsible for monitoring him.”

Gin paused halfway through a bite of rice. “Who?”

“Captains Kuchiki and Hitsugaya, of course.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

At noon, Kisuke shooed Gin into his bedroom, which was one of the only rooms in the house Gin was allowed in. Some ten minutes later, Byakuya and Toshiro entered, their gigais clad in regular human clothes.

Gin knelt on the tatami floor, unsure of how to greet them. He wasn't surprised that the two biggest rule-followers in the Soul Society had been assigned to supervise his case. He hadn’t been nervous in the minutes leading up to the meeting, but now he was.

“Now, shall we get started?” Kisuke said, stepping inside and closing the door. “What message do you bring today?”

“It’s brief.” Byakuya passed a paper to Kisuke, who read it with a blank expression.

“In summary, it clarifies that Gin Ichimaru is confined to your premises, not necessarily to this building.” Toshiro did not look at Gin, and Gin could tell by the use of his name that the Captain had no intention of acknowledging his presence. Odd, considering they had bothered to change into gigais so he could see them, he thought.

Then again, he couldn't blame them for still being angry. His sentence had been light, especially considering the damage he'd done beforehand. He hadn't directly heard the court testimony from the witnesses, but he was under the impression that they had pointed out some pretty unfavorable things about him. Questions were raised about whether or not Aizen had ordered him to do certain things; how much he pushed back against Aizen's ideas; how much he had actually undermined Aizen up until the fateful moment where Gin had rested his fingers on Kyoka Suigetsu.

“Great. So he can at least get some sunlight. And it’s up to me how I enforce that, right?” Kisuke asked.

“Correct. You can designate and enforce certain rooms as off-limits.” Toshiro’s mouth straightened into a line. “And if you’re working on any experiments here, I expect you to keep those carefully locked down.”

“Experiments? What experiments?”

“We also came here to speak with Miss Shihouin, as she was expected to return to the Soul Society on business yesterday,” Byakuya interrupted.

Kisuke waved a hand. “I saw her a little bit ago, but you know how cats are. Dunno where she went.”

“Well, when you see her, please tell her she needs to return immediately.” Byakuya glanced down at Gin. “One last thing. Ichimaru’s gigai is… minimal, correct? No unnecessary powers?”

“Yes, it’s just to make sure he can function in the human world.” Kisuke smiled. “And he just told me this morning he’s still kinda adjusting to it. Didn’t you, Gin?”

It was the first time Gin had been acknowledged the entire conversation. He nodded, unsure of whether or not the Captains would even let him speak.

“Well, keep us posted. We will send someone to check in in-person every 72 hours,” Byakuya said. “We expect to lay eyes on Ichimaru each time we visit.”

“Of course.” Kisuke slid the door open again and waved them into the hall. “Thank you, gentlemen!”

Toshiro still didn’t look at Gin, but he flinched as he stepped toward the door. “What’s wrong, Captain Hitsugaya?” Kisuke asked.

Toshiro stared down at his pants. “Just thought I felt a string or something… pulling.”

“Maybe Yoruichi’s sneaking around!”

Toshiro’s face darkened as he stepped into the hallway. Gin opened his mouth to call after him - offer a greeting, thanks, an apology, _something_ \- but Kisuke waved a hand at him. “Thanks for your time, Gin,” Kisuke said with a cheerful wink.


	3. The Approach, Part II

As soon as Toshiro entered the office, Rangiku stood, knocking a small stack of paperwork to the floor. “How is he?” she blurted.

Toshiro shot her a withering glare. “He’s fine. Urahara isn’t starving him, I promise.”

She pouted and bent to pick up her papers. “What did he say?”

“Not much.” Toshiro crossed to the desk, then knelt next to her to pick the papers up. “You know I have to keep things completely professional and not say anything about you,” he added, his voice low.

“I know.” She stood to set the papers back on the desk, avoiding his gaze. “Fair enough. How long before I could go see him, do you think?”

“At least a year, I'm sure.”

The papers in her hands nearly tore as her grip tightened. “And what is he supposed to do that whole time? Calligraphy? Read books?”

“They’re apparently allowing him outside as long as he stays on the Urahara property.”

“That barely helps!”

He opened his mouth to reply, but slammed it shut. She focused her gaze on the papers in her hands.

“I have a meeting with Captain Kotetsu,” he murmured, turning to leave.

She waited until he had left before slumping into his chair and rubbing her eyes. It was way too early in the afternoon for her to be crying. At the rate things were going, she wouldn’t be able to sleep properly until she had laid eyes on him herself.

Not that laying eyes on him would magically bring her relief. They had far too much to talk about. The nagging, spiteful itch at the back of her mind wouldn't go away until she had talked to him at length and tried to make sense of it all

She heard a faint _scritch, scritch_ of paper on wood, and looked up just in time to see a small, flat origami lion toddling across the desk toward her.

“RANGIKU!” a shrill voice cried. “Big sis! I missed you so much!”

She snatched the lion up, and it howled in pain. “Ow, ow! This hurts even more than my normal body, so be nice!”

The voice finally registered in her mind. “Kon?” she muttered, grasping the lion’s face between her thumb and forefinger.

The paper lion was clumsily folded, and its eyes were drawn on with black marker. It was definitely reminiscent of that awful perverted lion that had followed Ichigo around, though. “I hate this form! But Urahara said it was the only way to cling onto Toshiro undetected!” it squeaked.

“So you really are Kon.” She set the lion down on the desk. “What do you want?”

“Urahara said Gin needs a therapist!”

“I--” She lowered her voice and leaned closer. “He what?”

“Well, that’s not quite what he said.” Kon reached one tiny paw up to smooth out a crinkle in his ear. “He said that if you promise to be careful, you should come visit and talk to him. He attached a line to me that should be able to get you through to his house in the World of the Living without the Dangai monitors noticing.”

She leaned even closer and squinted. “I don’t see it--”

“If you’re holding me, you should be able to see it!”

Reluctantly, she took the lion in her hand. A second later, tiny, flickering blue lights came into view, stretching out behind Kon and across the room to the door.

“Your spiritual pressure should be strong enough to open a gate into the World of the Living, but it’ll only take you directly to the end of the line - which is inside Urahara’s house.” Kon squirmed in her grip. “It’ll only last a few trips, though, so make them count! And he said to do it outside in case the spiritual pressure causes a bit of an explosion!”

She stood, and the lion squawked: “Don’t go right now! Don’t go until Yoruichi is confirmed to have returned to the Soul Society for her meeting at the Academy.”

“She has a meeting at the Academy?” she muttered.

“He said something about guest lecturing, but it’s a secret for now! The point is, she doesn’t know about this line!”

She stared down at Kon, struggling to process his words. Kisuke Urahara had just risked everything - his still-strained relationship with the Soul Society, his relationship with Yoruichi, plus his guardianship over Gin - to get this lifeline to her.

He must have had a damn good reason, she thought as she set Kon back on the desk. “This paperwork is really urgent, and if I can’t go right now anyway, then I’ll work on this for now,” she muttered as she whipped out a pen. “Help me out, Kon!”

\------------------------------------------------

Since the paperwork was related to reconstruction, she actually felt good about finishing it. Once she finished, it was already after the time officers usually quit for the day, so she headed to the temporary Soul Reaper Women’s Association office to see if she could track down information about Yoruichi. Yoruichi wasn’t a Soul Reaper anymore, but she was popular enough that someone there would likely have gossip about her whereabouts.

To her luck and surprise, she found Soi Fon about to hand some paperwork to Nanao Ise. “Hi, how’s it going?” she asked.

“Hello, Lieutenant. Out for a drink?” Nanao replied.

“Not yet, just got a quick question. Hey Soi Fon,” Rangiku mewled, putting on her best smile, “Is Yoruichi coming back for a visit anytime soon? I wanna drink with her soon!”

Soi Fon nodded and smiled. “Oh, yes, she actually just got back into town maybe thirty minutes ago! She was complaining about Captain Kuchiki being sent after her, and some kind of meetings.”

“Meetings? Will she be here for a while?”

“Next two nights, I think. Why?”

“I’ll catch up with her tomorrow night, then! Thanks!”

Rangiku darted away before Soi Fon could ask anything else. She didn’t trust herself to keep a straight face any longer. Her heart was pounding at the very thought of a chance at closure coming within her grasp.

 _Closure._ That’s all it was, after all. There was no point in trying to rebuild their relationship - not when it had been so badly shattered. She could wish him all the best, comfort him, even forgive him - even _love_ him - but forgetting what he had done was an entirely different matter.

“Kon, what do I do now?” she asked as she pulled the crumpled paper lion from her belt.

“Urgh! Just go someplace secluded and the link should still work!” Kon said.

She ran into an alley between two buildings and stared down at Kon. The little blue lights connected to him had grown dimmer, but they were still there. “Is there an incantation?” she whispered.

“No, Urahara tried to make it simple enough that even _you_ could do it -- ouch! Hey!”

Rangiku’s spiritual pressure flared, and she concentrated on the faint, flickering line she could feel connecting her and the World of the Living. It cracked open, and she closed her eyes, willing it to open the rest of the way.

She couldn’t feel Gin’s presence at the end, but that made sense, since he no longer had his powers. She focused on the memory of Karakura Town, and on Urahara, who was presumably present somewhere near the end of the line.

The afterimage of Gin’s body on the concrete, lips glazed with blood, flashed before her eyes. She gripped Kon tighter as the door opened fully, and a split second later, she disappeared into it.


	4. The Approach, Part III

The journey through the portal lasted only a few seconds, but it was nauseating. It felt vaguely similar to a typical Senkaimon gate, but with spiritual pressure pulling at her from every direction. For a moment, she wondered if she had trusted Urahara too much and let herself become the guinea pig for an experiment.

Then she felt herself gently sliding across a tatami floor, and she opened her eyes to see a modern white dresser very reminiscent of one she had seen before in the World of the Living.

She rolled over and let her eyes adjust to the darkness. The rest of the room was Japanese-style, with pale wallpapering and wood accents. There was a futon in the middle of the floor, and in it, a thin, silver-haired figure.

“Gin?” she asked, her voice a near-whisper.

There was no response. “Gin!” she hissed.

Then she remembered he wouldn’t be able to hear her. She sat up, panic setting in as she looked around. She hadn’t thought through this part of the plan.

“We’re in Urahara’s house.” Kon squeaked from her palm. “He still has your gigai from when you posed as a student. And could you let go a little?”

She dropped Kon completely and ran for the door, phasing through it. As she reached the other side and spun around, she ran smack into Kisuke as he walked down the hallway toward her.

“Ouch!” Kisuke held his jaw. “You can’t phase through me, you know.”

Rangiku bit back a retort as she noticed the gigai slung over his shoulder. It was wearing a vaguely familiar skirt, and long orange hair flowed down over its back.

He had kept it all this time, she thought as she searched his face. “You really set all this up,” she murmured.

“I did,” he said. “You’ll need this in order for him to be able to see you.”

“I know.” Although it was dark in the hallway, she stepped closer, peering into his face. “Why did you do this for me? For us, rather?”

To her chagrin, his hat still hid most of his expression. "Because I don't know what I would've done without Yoruichi, Tessai, Shinji and the others when I was exiled. And I managed to at least keep my powers in the end."

“You did a hell of a lot less than he did, though.”

“You’re right. But I believe in getting the full story.” He shrugged the shoulder that didn’t have a gigai resting on it. "I believe in the possibility of redemption. And he's more mortal than ever now, so I feel an obligation to keep him alive, and not dying of despair."

She stared at him for a minute, searching for the sincerity in his face. This was Kisuke Urahara, who had hid the Hogyoku inside Rukia’s body and not even warning Ichigo of the looming danger Aizen posed before sending Ichigo charging into the Soul Society. Toshiro had never fully trusted him since that incident, and Rangiku had always kept him at arm’s length as well.

But he had a point. If anyone knew anything about withholding judgement and getting the full story, it was Kisuke.

“Gimme that,” she said, gesturing to the gigai.

He gently lowered it off his shoulder, and she stepped into it. “Watch your hands,” she snapped as she lurched away from him.

“I was being careful! Yoruichi would kill me if I wasn’t,” he replied. 

“Speaking of which, she really doesn’t know about this?”

“No.” His head dipped. “And it needs to stay that way. I took a big risk with this. I barely convinced Tessai to look the other way. Keep his light off and your voices down, just in case.”

“I will. Thank you.”

She stepped toward Gin’s door and nodded to Kisuke, who went the other way down the hall. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the door open and peeked inside.

A silhouette sat up, and Rangiku recognized him as he sat up. Gin looked wide awake, as if he had just laid down to sleep when she had crash-landed in his room some minutes before.

“Gin,” she whispered.

Gin’s blue eyes flickered in the faint light from the moon. She couldn’t read the lower half of his face, but his eyes told her all she needed to know.

She shut the door behind her and tiptoed closer, heart pounding inside her chest. It was him - whole, healthy, and not on the other side of a war. “Gin,” she whispered again as she knelt a few feet away.

“Ran--” He stopped and looked down, pinching his wrist. He looked up at her again and pinched his cheek.

She giggled, but tears welled up at the same time, and she swallowed hard. “It’s me. It’s me, I promise.”

“What--” He looked toward the window, then back at her. “Did you sneak over here?”

“Kisuke knows, and it has to stay a secret, but it’s fine,” she said, waving a hand.

He smirked. “Kisuke? You’re on first-name terms now?”

“It’s not like that!” she hissed, crossing her arms. “Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so casual, but he’s done a lot for us with these gigai, and when Ichigo was still--”

She stopped, her arms losing their strength and slumping into her lap. There was so much she hadn’t told Gin. She wanted to catch up with him, with all the familiar comfort of talking to an old friend and trusted confidant.

Then again, how much did he already know?

He tilted his head, as if he sensed her sudden unease. "First things first... We need to talk about what you did,” she said softly.

“Go ahead,” was the whispered reply.

"So let me get this straight.” She took a deep breath. She had wanted this chance for months - years - and she had to put her unease aside and just have the conversation, whether she liked it or not. “This all started when Aizen stole a piece of the Soul King from my body, which I didn't even know I had, and you didn't bother to tell me?"

He pushed the blankets off of himself and shifted into a cross-legged position. She knew he sensed the conversation would take a while. "I didn't know what it was at the time, Rangiku."

"But you knew Aizen had caused the attack."

"Yes."

"And you never warned me about him--"

"Neither you nor I were powerful enough to stop him at that point, so it was moot,” he said. “There was no point in involving you.”

She stared down at the blankets. Thoughts tumbled together, blurring and shoving words into the foreground of her mind as she tried to organize them. "I know we’re not going to get through this tonight, so don’t…” She trailed off and waved a hand. “I don’t want to attack you. I just want to understand.”

“That’s fair. I just don’t know where to start in explaining it all.”

She could tell his gaze was directed toward her, but she didn’t look up. “I get that you were angry that he hurt me. I would've been just as angry if he had hurt you at that age, and I'm just as angry that he hurt you _now_. You still did so much harm, though."

"I know. The way I saw it at that time, he was going to do that harm whether or not I was there or not--"

"You aided his plan, though!” Her gaze snapped up to meet his. “He wouldn't have succeeded without such capable henchmen!"

His lips parted, pondering a reply, but his gaze faltered and fell. "You're a genius, Gin - always have been,” she added. “Aizen would've been weaker without you."

"That's where you're wrong, Rangiku." He shook his head. "He still could've torn this world apart without me. I was just naive to think I could stop him by gaining his trust. And if I made my move to stop him at the wrong time, then it all would’ve been wasted anyway, so I waited as long as I could."

“He wouldn’t have--”

"Look, I don't stand by how far I took things,” he added. “Like when I killed the third seat of Squad 5 in order to gain his trust. Yeah, Aizen manipulated me, but that was still…”

Her eyes narrowed. “So that was you. Us Lieutenants didn’t get specifics on which specific charges you were found guilty of - hell, we didn’t get much information period. But we had heard that an investigation into his death had been reopened after Aizen’s defection.”

“I confessed to that one.” He glanced away. His voice had gotten softer, as if he wanted no one but her to hear. “Killing him may have been necessary, but… I didn’t want to live with the shame of it anymore.”

“Necessary?”

"Well, technically speaking, none of it was necessary in the end, because Ichigo stopped him instead of me.”

He paused, but she could tell he was swallowing the weight of his previous sentence. _Ichigo stopped Aizen._ In the end, all of Gin’s sacrifices - both his own blood, and the blood of other people - had been for naught. 

“But I need you to understand that once I got to a certain age, I was in too deep,” he continued. “Maybe I should’ve done more to stop him sooner, but I sure as hell couldn’t leave. I’m sorry, Rangiku.”

She wanted to process his words - his contradictions, his excuses, and the way he seemed to plead for understanding without fully apologizing for what he had done. He had killed multiple people, even if the majority of the slaughter was Aizen's. He had assaulted their own colleagues. He had made his way through the Academy on lies and half-truths so he could swear an oath to the 13 Court Guard Squads that he had no intention of keeping.

But for a moment, she could only look at him. The way a thin strip of his hair glimmered, the way just one blue eye stood out sharp in the darkness - it was surreal and abstract, and there was no way the night would conspire to hide him from her that much. Not after all these years of hiding him. The universe couldn’t be that unfair.

“Tell me you’re real,” Rangiku whispered. “I’m angry at you, but I still…”

Gin reached out and gingerly rested his fingertips against hers. “I’m here,” he murmured. “It was a close call for a while there, but I’m here now.”

She wrapped her left hand around the back of his right, clutching it as her tears fell on the tatami.

“You have to learn,” she said between shuddering breaths. “If you haven’t learned already, you have to learn that you can’t do this for me. You can’t do things like--”

“I would still kill for you, Rangiku.” His voice was clear and level as his blue eyes fixed on hers. “I wouldn’t need to assault the very foundations of the Soul Society, now that Aizen’s gone, but--”

“Stop. I never wanted to hear that,” she hissed, pulling her hand away. “I don’t know why you think--”

There was a faint creak of a floorboard in the hallway, and she jumped. She calmed down to concentrate on the spiritual pressure, and recognized it as that of a child.

“It’s Jinta,” Gin whispered. “Ururu sleeps at the other end of the house.”

She heard a tiny _scritch, scritch_ of paper, and she turned to see Kon’s paper form hobbling toward her from the corner of the room. “I should probably go,” she whispered, taking the lion in her palm. “I guess I’ll just have to leave this gigai here--”

“Go out the window; Urahara’s probably still up and he’ll see you.”

He rose and fumbled with the lock. As he stood, she saw him stumble slightly, and she had to wonder if he was really alright.

He pulled the window open, and when she reached it, she paused to look at him again. The moonlight was no brighter with the window open; it had faded to a cloud-covered crescent in recent days. She wondered how many times they would meet like this by night before being able to see him in the sun.

“Goodnight,” he whispered, not reaching for her like she half-hoped he would.

“Goodnight.” She stepped through the window and crouched. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

He watched her as she turned away, and when she had taken a few hunched steps away, she heard the window slide shut. She crept toward the side alley, peeking around and hoping she would get some indication of where to go to find Kisuke.

To her relief, he appeared at a side door, beckoning to her. “We’ll talk more later. You should hurry,” he whispered. “I’ll take that.”

She knelt and slipped out of the gigai, and he caught it just before it slumped over. “How many more times will this work?” she said, holding up Kon.

“Not sure. At least two more round-trips.”

“Thank you. I’ll hopefully be back in a day or two.”

She concentrated on Kon’s line again, and this time, it opened more easily. Kisuke’s face blurred and faded from sight, and the cool night air of the World of the Living was replaced by a colder, darker tunnel. The portal hurled her out into the same Soul Society alley she had initially left from, knocking the wind out of her as she landed on her side.

She laid there for a moment, not wanting to accept that she had returned. If she hadn’t been in the middle of the alley with a crumpled-up paper lion in her hands, she would have thought that the journey had all been one strange, drunken dream.

She pulled herself to her feet, dusted herself off, and caught her breath before tiptoeing to the end of the alley. She knew she would be back to see him. It would almost be easier not to, though, she thought as she rushed down the street back toward the barracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, we're going to spend plenty more time getting into what Gin did and whether or not he deserves forgiveness for it. Plenty of characters will get to weigh in eventually. Rangiku's going to have a lot to think about, and so will he. Thanks for reading this far!


	5. The Approach, Part IV

Gin’s mind wouldn’t rest. He'd had no idea to expect her arrival, and wasn’t even entirely sure how she had gotten there. He could only assume Kisuke’s wink earlier in the day had meant something.

He was tense with worry, in part because of the realization that she was definitely not supposed to have been there. He had been specifically told he couldn't have unauthorized visitors yet. If she came more often, it would only be a matter of time before someone found out - especially with Yoruichi in and out the house.

And the other reason for his worry was because he knew he had a long uphill battle in reckoning with her. She was right to be skeptical. She would probably even make points that he couldn’t argue with. He had already heard many of them from the Central 46, and there had been times when he had been left completely silent, unable to even cry with remorse.

Because remorse wasn’t the right word for what he felt. There were a few specific moments he regretted in the past 115 years, but not many. He had done his best, considering the horrific scope of Aizen’s powers and the depth of his own anguish and foolishness at such a young age.

Maybe he would end up feeling more remorse by the time he was done dealing with Rangiku, though. He almost hoped he did.

\------------------------------------------

He fell asleep of sheer exhaustion, and a few hours later, there was a soft tap at his bedroom door. Sunlight was already peeking through the curtains, so he mumbled a greeting, and the door slid open.

“Sorry to wake you! Captain Kotetsu herself will be coming by for a quick medical check-up soon, so I wanted to go ahead and wake you.” Kisuke stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “Got a minute?”

Gin sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Just the person I wanted to see.”

“I’m sure you have some questions about last night.” Kisuke knelt, almost in the exact same spot where Rangiku had been the night before. “How much did she tell you?”

“Basically nothing. I was happy to see her, but… I wish you could’ve given me a tiny bit more warning.”

“I'm sorry. I wasn’t expecting her to come by so soon, that’s for sure. I thought she would need a little more time to contact me and plan a time to sneak out, and…” Kisuke shrugged. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up too much for too long.”

“I see.” Gin turned away. He understood Kisuke’s feelings, but it didn’t help much. As much as he had desperately wanted to see Rangiku, he wished he had been better prepared for it. “So what’s next?”

“She’ll be able to visit you a few more times before I have to re-do the connection. No one knows about this about the three of us - plus Kon and Tessai, I guess. Hopefully she’ll give a bit more warning next time she visits so things can go more smoothly so I can… properly get your permission before just having her barge in.” Kisuke smiled apologetically.

“And you just trust me to hang out with her?”

“I expect you two will have a lot to talk about, and she’s not reckless enough to try to sneak out anywhere with you.” Kisuke glanced over his shoulder toward the door, and Gin wondered if the older man had sensed something. “As for the hanging out part: I’m not going to tell you what to do or how to do it. I’m not an expert on Rangiku and everyone else’s feelings or what they want to do, but... We can’t rewrite your ending for you. You have to do that for yourself.”

He stood up to leave, leaning sideways to stretch his arms and back. “Maybe I should have Captain Kotetsu take a look at my back, too,” he mumbled. “Anyway, get dressed, if you wanna look decent.”

When Kisuke had left, Gin walked to the window. He had re-locked it after Rangiku’s departure, but he unlatched it again before heading to change out of his jinbei.

He wasn’t entirely prepared for her next visit, but he could try to be ready when she was.

\-------------------------------------------

Work at the office seemed easier than usual, in part because Rangiku had actually gotten things done the day before. Toshiro even noticed and gave her finished paperwork a long, mistrustful glare. "You actually did all your paperwork last night."

"Uh, I wanted to go drinking, and I didn't want you on my case!" she replied, laughing.

He leaned close, seeming to examine every inch of her face with his gaze. "... When were you planning on going drinking? Last night?"

"No, tonight! Well--” She waved a hand. “I was gonna go last night, but Yoruichi wasn’t around, so we’re gonna go out tonight!”

She had never actually intended to go, she thought glumly, but she had needed a convenient excuse to know her whereabouts anyway. Plus, it bought her a little more time to gather her thoughts about Gin.

Toshiro shrugged. “Oh. That makes sense, since you don’t look hungover.” 

She tried to keep herself calm as she turned back to her paperwork. The last thing she needed was Toshiro getting suspicious of her for behaving too well.

There was a knock at the door, and a page appeared. “Pardon the intrusion!” the man said. “I have an urgent message for Lieutenant Matsumoto!”

Her heart leapt into her throat. “Go ahead,” she said.

“It’s from Yoruichi Shihouin, sent via Captain Soi Fon of Squad 2. She looks forward to seeing you for drinks at Ebiya in the 2nd District as soon as work completes for the day--”

“Please remind Miss Shihouin and Captain Soi Fon that official pages are not supposed to be used for personal matters!” Toshiro snapped.

“My apologies, sir!” The page closed the door.

Rangiku sighed, the exhale shuddering as her heart rate returned to normal. “But they're not supposed to use Hell Butterflies for that, either, are they?" she said cheerfully. "Well, anyway, I guess you know where I’ll be tonight!”

“Just be on time tomorrow,” her Captain growled back.

\-----------------------------------------------

To her surprise, Yoruichi, Isane, Nanao, Soi Fon, Momo and Rukia had all gathered at Ebiya. It wasn’t quite the group Rangiku normally drank with, but the group was happy to catch up with each other and gossip.

The reconstruction of the Soul Society was the first thing on everyone’s minds. They tried to keep the discussion itself light, but the reminders of the destruction were obvious. Two of the first things Rangiku noticed were the restaurant’s minor building damage and limited menu, both thanks to the 2nd District’s still-damaged supply lines.

Neither of those were nearly as important as the missing faces around the table, of course, but Rangiku tried to push those to the back of her mind.

The drinks flowed freely, and Rangiku knew she was the drunkest of the bunch within two hours. She couldn’t help it. Her nerves were still on edge, fraying and unraveling even as she laughed and poked fun at the others.

She just wanted to see Gin. She wanted him to hear her jokes and her banter.

What had he done the whole day? Who had he spoken to? Would he ever be free to relax and enjoy a scene like this again?

She excused herself to go to the restroom, stumbling down a short hallway to the single-occupancy women’s room. When she came out again, she found herself almost nose-to-nose with Yoruichi.

“Oh!” she gasped, putting a hand over her chest. “Yoruichi! You nearly made my--”

“Shut up a second,” Yoruichi hissed.

Rangiku obeyed. Yoruichi’s eyes had narrowed, and she had placed a hand just above her hip, almost as if she was about to draw a weapon.

“You went to Kisuke’s last night, didn’t you?” Yoruichi whispered.

Surprise flew across Rangiku’s face before she could stop herself. She was bad enough at being poker-faced when she was sober, let alone when she was drunk. “What?” she said, waving a hand. “I’d never go after your man, Yoruichi, he’s not my type--”

"You opened a direct line to him right next to the Soul Reaper Women's Society, didn't you?” Yoruichi leaned even closer. “I felt it last night. I'd recognize the traces of Kisuke's technology anywhere. And I know you weren’t going to see him or Tessai."

Rangiku felt sweat bead on her back. She had been stupid. She summoned the best of her drunken bravado and shrugged, waving a hand again. "You should either help me or mind your own business, Yoruichi," she murmured. "After all, you have a bit of a history of rule-breaking yourself."

"Not for the sake of an actual traitor."

"That's a bit slanderous, considering that based on what I've heard, he wasn't actually--"

Rangiku fell silent as a waitress walked past the short hallway. She opened her mouth to continue, but Yoruichi cut her off: "You're trusting him that easily? He tried to stab both Rukia and Momo, and hurt a whole lot of other people."

"I don't trust him yet! I mean--" Rangiku paused as Yoruichi pressed a finger to her lips. "I haven't even forgiven him yet, let alone learned to trust him again. And I'm not sure I can. That's why I'm visiting him!"

Yoruichi’s eyes remained narrowed, but her scowl softened. "You're not obligated to forgive or understand him, Rangiku. Just because he claims he did everything for you--"

"Who said anything about obligation?"

"I'm just pointing it out."

"Nobody fucking asked you!”

Rangiku's face had grown hot, and she decided that if Yoruichi pressed the issue further, the conversation would end. There was no point in arguing. If Yoruichi had made up her mind to snitch to Toshiro or the Head Captain, then that was that.

But Yoruichi raised a hand. "Fair enough. I'm not going to do anything about it right this minute, other than go back and give Kisuke shit for it. But I'll be watching you, and I will take action if I suspect Gin’s trying to use you. And keep in mind that if you get caught and they find out Kisuke was conspiring to let you in despite the order barring unauthorized visitors, they're definitely gonna move Gin someplace less pleasant."

Rangiku nodded. The warning about getting caught was reasonable, as was Yoruichi's assertion that she would be watching. Rangiku knew she would do the same herself, if she had found out about a comrade doing something so risky.

"One more thing you should know." Yoruichi glanced around again. "Isshin, Ichigo and the others in their group don't know Gin is there. Only the residents of Kisuke’s house know, as well as the few Soul Reapers responsible for patrolling the area. So if you sneak off to visit Orihime, you can't breathe a word to her, and if any of that group spots you around, you have to have a damn solid excuse for being there."

Rangiku blew out a breath. "Well, thanks for the tip."

Yoruichi went into the bathroom, and Rangiku took a deep, shuddering breath before heading back to the group.


	6. The Approach, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied TYBW spoilers in this one!! It's vague enough that you don't know what happens, you just know who it involves.
> 
> This is the last chapter for the sort of set-up to the story. After this, it'll get into more proper GinRan, I promise.

The party broke up soon after, since some of the others had work the next morning. Rangiku was too drunk and tired to think about much else other than getting home to her barracks and going to sleep. If she had been more sober, she might have kept thinking about Gin, and turned around and used Kon’s line to show up at his room.

So when she woke up in her own bed with a massive hangover the next morning, she counted her blessings. Being drunk and confronting Gin would not have been a good combination. She left Kon in her room, much to his dismay, and headed out to the office.

It was a Friday early in the month, so most of the work for the week was already finished. As Toshiro finished off a stack of his own paperwork, Rangiku sighed and sprawled out on the couch. “Captain! Can I be done? I was so good about my paperwork the other day!” she moaned.

“You don’t get a free pass on a Friday just because you behaved yourself the other day,” he muttered.

“Can I take a break, at least?”

He looked up at her, eyes narrowed, then glanced around his desk and picked up a sealed envelope. “Actually,” he murmured, “can you take this to Squad 4? It needs to go directly to Captain Kotetsu, and it’s technically not supposed to be handled by anyone other than a seated officer.”

She tilted her head. “What’s it about?”

“That’s classified.” He held it out to her. “It’s a little time-sensitive, and it needs her seal.”

She rose and took it from him, holding the envelope up to the light. “You’re not gonna see a damn thing like that,” he muttered.

“Whatever. Be back soon!” 

She flash-stepped out of the room, hurrying across the barracks and out to the main road. When she could no longer feel any other Soul Reapers around her, she stepped into a dark, dusty alley and turned the envelope over in her hands.

Toshiro never sent her on errands. He always called over the 3rd or 4th seat if there was something that required special handling. Was he trying to get her out of the office? Or was there something else going on?

She cleared her mind and focused on the envelope for a moment. He had definitely sealed it with some kind of spirit energy, but it was very faint.

She shoved it into her belt and started moving again. Maybe she could ask Isane about it.

\---------------------------------------------

When she got to Squad 4, Isane was alone in her office with a stack of paperwork even taller than Toshiro’s. “Isa-- I mean, Captain!” Rangiku said, knocking on the half-open door. “I bring paperwork from Toshiro!”

Isane sighed and held out her hand. “It’s just that one sheet, right?”

“I dunno.”

“The paperwork for Gin Ichimaru’s check-up, right?”

Rangiku froze. Isane’s eyes widened, then she waved her guest in. “Close the door,” she murmured. “Captain Hitsugaya just sent you without saying what it was?”

The only sound in the room was the light taps of Rangiku’s sandals as she walked to the desk. She mulled over the information, unsure of how to respond. “I asked what it was, and he said it was classified,” she said after a moment.

Isane beckoned for the envelope, and Rangiku handed it to her. “I suppose maybe I shouldn’t have said anything either, since it’s strictly need-to-know,” Isane murmured, pressing her fingers to the seal, “But I didn’t think he would deny you the information if you asked…”

The seal on the envelope glowed faintly for a moment as Isane opened it. “Why were you giving him a check-up?” Rangiku asked. “And when were you there?”

“Yesterday. He’s fine, Lieutenant, I promise. This is just a formal confirmation of the state of his gigai.” Isane smiled weakly. “I can’t show it to you, technically, but I can confirm that it’s nothing serious. Since Captains Hitsugaya and Kuchiki are tasked with his care, I have to coordinate with them. That’s all.”

She pulled a stamp from her desk and placed it on the document. Rangiku nibbled her lip, staring at the stack of paperwork on the desk.

“Still… why would the Captain give _you_ the envelope to deliver?” Isane murmured as she put the paper back into the envelope. “Since he knows you and I get sidetracked chatting, he usually sends--”

“It was a test.”

Isane looked up, eyes wide. “Huh?”

There was a low, aching rumble in Rangiku’s chest, and she swallowed hard in an attempt to silence it. “That envelope would have reacted badly if I would’ve tried to open it, right? Either hurt me, or told you or Hitsugaya that I had tried to open it.”

“I don’t know.” Isane’s tone was pleading, higher and thinner than usual. “I’m no good at these seals myself. I can do a basic one, but not anything like what you described.”

“He wanted to see if he could trust me.”

“Lieutenant, I don’t think that’s it--”

Rangiku clapped her hands. “Isane, we should get dinner tonight! Maybe my place, so we can talk more… honestly.”

She forced a smile, but Isane’s uneasy expression didn’t waver. “I have meetings and stuff tonight, but oddly enough, I have a little time right now,” Isane replied. “What is it? I can’t tell you some things, but I’ll help if I can.”

The layout of the office was similar to Squad 10’s, with two couches facing each other in the middle, so Rangiku sat down on one. "I just now realized it would be a good idea to talk to you, since your Squad spent so much time healing him over the past two years, and you were around him a lot once he woke up."

Isane nodded, carefully gathering her haori about herself as she sat down opposite Rangiku. “You probably don’t know anything less than what I do about what he's done, at this point. I also know very little about his current situation at Mr. Urahara’s house, other than that he's healthy and his rights are very restricted right now. What would I know that you don't?"

"You know a lot about healing, so..."

Isane frowned. “So?”

“How do I--” Rangiku stopped. She wasn’t sure if she could - _should_ \- tell Isane that she had visited him. “How do we help him? He’s redeemable, right? At least somewhat?”

The hurt look in Isane’s eyes sent a knife through Rangiku’s heart. "Healing the body and healing the mind - healing _relationships_ \- are two different things,” Isane said. “I want to think that people can heal themselves and become different people, though."

Isane looked up at the ceiling, folding her arms. As Rangiku waited for a reply, she felt her palms grow slick with sweat. The expression on Isane’s face wasn’t ponderous, or overly concerned. She hadn’t even reverted into her usual motherly attitude.

"It's a lot to consider, I guess,” Isane said, her voice low. “Your current 'self' is sometimes very different than your past 'self.' Should your current 'self' be punished for the crimes of the 'self' of your past? Is it possible for a soul to change entirely?"

When Isane’s gaze flicked downward to meet Rangiku’s, the Lieutenant shuddered and rubbed her sweaty palms on her hakama. "Having served with Captain Unohana, I'm not sure I know the answer to how much one can change. She made it look like she could change a lot - and I believe she had, really. But there was still..." Isane's eyes were distant and half-lidded as she trailed off, her voice growing weak. "There was still a different side of her deep down."

Rangiku nodded. She had heard the short version of what had happened. “I understand,” she murmured. “Believe me, I do.”

“So I don’t know if Lieutenant Hinamori, Captain Hitsugaya, Gin Ichimaru, and you--” Isane paused slightly. “If you can heal yourselves, or change, or un-change. I think Captain Unohana may have redeemed herself, with all the healing she did in the past few hundred years. But I don’t think that’s up to me to decide, anyway.”

Part of Rangiku wanted to press Isane. She herself sure as hell didn’t have any answers. She couldn’t ask Toshiro for answers. Kisuke Urahara liked to talk like he had answers, and so did Yoruichi, but she didn’t know which one of them to believe. She wanted the conversation to continue, for each thread of words to slowly form a fabric that she could somehow use.

But the other part of her wanted the conversation to end as soon as possible.

She stood and gave a friendly nod, holding her hand out for the envelope. “Thank you, Isane,” she murmured. “I’ll head back. Toshiro will get suspicious if I’m gone too long.”

Isane walked to her desk, pulled a piece of tape from a dispenser, and used it to seal the envelope. “You’re right about that. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful, though.”

“It’s fine.” Rangiku forced a cheerful smile as she took the envelope and flash-stepped to the door. “See you soon! Let’s drink again soon!”

She hurried outside, nearly colliding with a page as she charged down a hallway. The sun beat down on her as she sprinted outside and through Squad 4’s front gate, ignoring greetings from at least two acquaintances who called out to her.

Isane’s words were haunting. _Is it possible for a soul to change entirely?_

Was it possible that Gin had changed entirely from the sweet, caring boy Rangiku had loved as a child? Was it possible for him to change back? Was he really sorry, or just making excuses?

And - in Yoruichi’s terms - how much was she obligated to forgive him? She knew she wasn't, but that didn’t mean the question didn’t still lurk deep down. There were some things the mind would never convince the heart of.

She bit back panic gnawing at her throat. She needed answers - and she wasn't going to get them from talking to anyone but Gin. His words were the only ones that mattered.

She slowed as she noticed something following her. Just before she turned around, she recognized the faint yet unmistakable spiritual pressure of a single Hell Butterfly following her. She held out her finger, and the tiny black legs of the butterfly clung to her.

_Kisuke says you can have a hot date with him tonight or tomorrow night. Your call._

If she had been in a better mood, Rangiku would have laughed in disgust at Yoruichi’s coded message. They really needed to have a conversation about how to communicate about Gin. Once Yoruichi was in the World of the Living, it would be harder to communicate undetected, since her Communicator was strictly for work orders.

But the fact that Yoruichi was helping meant that she didn’t totally resent or mistrust Rangiku after all. 

_Well, tell him late tonight at the usual place!_ Rangiku sent the butterfly back, cringing at the reply she had chosen. Hell Butterflies weren’t closely monitored by anyone in particular, but if someone did intercept it, there would be a bunch of weird rumors flying around about her.


	7. The Negotiation, Part I

Rangiku was already on edge when she made it back to her room late that evening. Kon leapt from her dresser and toddled over to her, his paper form looking more battered and worn than ever. “Are we going tonight?” he asked before she had closed the door behind her.

“Shhh.” She shut the door and knelt to pick him up. “We are. I know you said to use you outside, but since it didn’t blow up the first time, it should be fine this time, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

The line attached to Kon glowed more faintly this time. She wondered how many more times this would work, and if Kisuke would be able to redo the line. Regular Senkaimon were an impractical option because they were so closely monitored; she wasn’t even sure how this one worked so well without being detected.

Although if Yoruichi could detect its residue, then there was no guarantee Rangiku’s own Captain wouldn’t as well. Luckily he never came to her quarters for anything unless it was an emergency or if she literally didn't show up for work. She made a mental note to be on-time in the morning.

Rangiku focused her spiritual pressure, and once again, she hurtled through an unpleasantly cold portal. This time, instead of landing on a tatami floor, she fell facefirst into something sharp and scratchy - a bush, she realized after she had extracted herself from it. She could only assume Kisuke had moved the end of the line outside to give Gin a little more privacy.

She turned around and tried to orient herself, and as she did, she saw the side door of the Urahara house swing open. “Thought I sensed you,” Kisuke said quietly, his fan over his face. “How was the journey?”

“Your stupid door sent me head-first into a bush!” Rangiku snapped as she struggled to her feet.

Kisuke sighed and waved her in. “Sorry; I adjusted the end point so as not to have you just drop in on Gin--”

“I figured!”

He closed the door behind her and motioned to a door in the hallway. “Your body’s in this closet, kinda curled up,” he murmured. 

She wrinkled her nose. “Is it… safe there?”

“Yes, for both you and I. The kids don’t use this closet anyway. This way you can just come in and get it.” He glanced down the hallway. “I don’t anticipate you being able to visit too frequently yet, but I figure it’s easiest to just get used to doing it that way. Can’t keep it there all the time, though, with how frequently the Captains visit.”

She nodded. “Thank you. You put a lot of thought into this.”

He slid open the closet door and pointed to a cloth-covered bundle in the corner. The idea of just phasing into it and then having to free her gigai from the fabric felt eerie, but she summoned her courage and did it.

When she crawled out, Kisuke closed the door and held out his hand. “Give me Kon, so I can try to fix him up a little.”

She complied, over Kon’s muffled protests, and Kisuke added: “Be careful. The kids are studying and Tessai will leave you alone, but you need to use caution when leaving.”

She took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“Quit thanking me.” Kisuke waved and turned back down the hallway. “This is the best possible route right now.”

She tapped on the bedroom door. A second of silence passed, then a voice said: “Come in.”

She slipped inside, closed the door behind her, and looked around the room. Gin was sitting near the window with a book in his hand, looking up at her with a faint smile. “You came back,” he whispered, setting the book aside.

She felt heat grow in her chest, but it wasn’t love or relief. She tiptoed across the tatami to him, and he grabbed a floor pillow and set it across from his own. “I did. I had time tonight. What have you been up to?” she whispered.

“Reading random manga. Some novels too. Even practiced my calligraphy with one of Ururu’s old books from elementary school.” He lifted one arm. “This body’s kinda weak, so I’ve been working out in the yard a little. I’m more than a little bored, but Mr. Urahara let me help out around the house some, so that’s something, y‘know?”

“And the others have been treating you okay?”

His expression softened. “I’m fine. It’s no hot springs resort, but it’s fine.”

She sat back on her palms. Her conversation with Yoruichi still echoed in her head, but she knew better than to mention it to him. Plus, Yoruichi had passed along a message from Kisuke helping to arrange the meeting.

“Well, that’s good.” She blew out a breath and looked him over. His silver-blue hair was clean and combed, but the clothes he wore were definitely too large. The t-shirt had some faded logo she didn’t recognize. She made a mental note to ask Kisuke about where he was getting Gin’s clothes from.

“Mr. Urahara let me know you would be coming. Shall we skip the pleasantries?” he murmured. “We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“You can go first.”

His voice was so gentle and calm that she didn’t want to bring up what she knew she needed to say. "Let's start with you trying to stab Momo," she said. “That night when she found Aizen’s letter, and you were fighting Captain Hitsugaya.”

"I wasn't going to let Shinsou reach her," he whispered. "Aizen didn't even want her dead yet. It would have complicated the plan too much."

Her eyes narrowed, and he seemed to lean away from her. "I swear, Ran," he added. "I didn't want to hurt her, and you know it would have messed things up. Aizen needed me to cause distractions, not get myself in his way."

"It didn't feel like you were holding back when your blade connected with mine."

His shoulders fell slightly. "I promise you, I was in control of the situation."

He hadn’t said the words “I’m sorry” yet, she noted as she leaned forward. "Then let's talk about when you tried to stab Rukia and nearly killed Byakuya in the process."

She saw him tense, and her heart twinged. There was no explaining his way out of that one.

"That was a mistake," he said, nodding. "I shouldn't have, especially considering the stakes. I didn't see a window for me to turn my blade on Aizen, though, especially with Tosen right there."

"You could have tried, especially with the others around."

"I know that now. The Ryoka didn't stand a chance against him at that stage - even Ichigo - so I stand by my decision to at least block some of them from attacking Aizen. But I should have tried to find a way to buy more time instead of complying." He fumbled with the edge of the blanket. "It was partly that I didn't think fast enough, but it was partly cowardice. I didn't think my chance of successfully stopping him at that stage was near 100%, so I didn't even try."

She stared at the floor. Her memory of the day's events were rusty; she realized she should have researched and investigated more before coming to confront him. She hadn't even personally witnessed the events he described, and without video, it was hard for her to fully believe that his hands had been that tied.

Still, though, he had a point - without his hand on Kyoka Suigetsu himself, he had almost no chance of winning against Aizen. He would have been grievously injured at best and left behind, watching his chances of actually stopping Aizen's master plan disappear in pillars of light.

Although, she reminded herself, stopping Aizen's plan hadn't really been his goal in the first place. Just revenge.

"Perhaps more selfishness than cowardice," she murmured. "Those are two different things."

He smiled, but it was insincere. "You've gotten pretty thoughtful and wise over the years."

"I've had a lot of time to think." She smiled back, but it faded as she remembered one more thing. "I was also told you brought Momo deep into Central 46 so Aizen could stab her."

"I didn't know he was going to stab her." She scowled, and he added: "At that point, he had specifically told me to keep her alive, so I didn't think much about it. Plus, he was still testing me. He wasn't telling me much of anything that I didn't need to know."

"Testing you? He had trusted you up until that point, hadn't he?"

He shook his head. "I don't know this for sure, but... I think he saw you almost kiss me at the party, two days before Rukia was brought back from the World of the Living."

She froze. He looked at her, his lips parting slightly, as if there was something he wanted to add but couldn't bring himself to.

She could tell he wasn't joking.

"I... what?" she said, leaning closer.

His eyes widened, and he leaned back, averting his gaze. "Do you... not remember that?"

Her heart pounded. She didn't remember a damn thing about a kiss. She stared down at the tatami, heat flooding her face as she rummaged through her memories.

"There was the joint Soul Reaper Women's and Men's Associations social two nights before Rukia was brought back. You were really drunk, and when we were heading to the afterparty, you..." He waved a hand. "Tried to kiss me, I guess.”

She had never actually made a move on him, as far as she remembered. She had never had time to - not with how much he kept disappearing on her.

“You’re going to have to walk me through this,” she mumbled, “because I don’t remember any of it.”


	8. The Negotiation, Part II

_2.5 Years Prior_

The room smelled like sake and meat, and Gin could feel a comfortable sleepiness settling in around his head. His Lieutenant had just finished negotiating a truce between Rangiku and Nanao Ise, who had tried to tell Rangiku to quit drinking for a little while.

Rangiku certainly needed to stop, but no one, especially not Nanao Ise, was going to be able to tell her that. As if sensing that the party had reached a good stopping point, Lieutenant Iba stood and clapped his hands.

“Thank you all for coming this evening,” he nearly yelled over the chatter. “We’re going to wrap things up here, but apparently some of you plan on going to another bar to keep drinking, so I hope you enjoy it!”

Gin smiled sheepishly. He didn’t usually attend events organized by the Men’s Association, as Aizen usually kept him too busy. This one, though, had caught Aizen’s eye because it gave them one last chance to collect intelligence and get on everyone’s good side before the games began. He and Gin had talked to Iba and asked to be able to attend as guests, and Iba had obliged, much to everyone’s delight.

Naturally, Gin had no idea what to expect next. He glanced at Aizen, hoping for guidance. Momo Hinamori had monopolized her Captain’s attention for most of the night, and continued to hold it even as Gin tried to catch his eye with a casual wave.

“Gin!”

Rangiku’s voice jutted into his thoughts, and he turned to see her half-sprawled on the tatami, waving an empty sake bottle at him. “You’re coming with us to the next party, right? You never come out! Your Lieutenant's coming, so you should come!”

There was a splash of pink on her cheeks, and her wavy hair was a notch messier than usual. She pursed her lips, a cat-like expression crossing her face as she looked him over. “I’m getting a little sleepy,” he lied. “Maybe next time.”

“No!” She leaned down and stared up at him, eyes flashing, and he reminded himself to keep his eyes up and on her face. “You can’t say you’ve experienced a Men’s Association party until you see what happens after!”

She giggled as Isane plucked the sake bottle from her grasp. “You should probably go home, Rangiku,” Isane whispered.

Gin glanced over at Aizen, who had finished talking to Momo. Aizen gave him a short, faint smile, but it was sincere enough to imply that he was enjoying himself and would stay longer.

That made Gin nervous. Surely Aizen had collected all the information he needed and buttered Momo up enough already.

“Gin!” Rangiku said, holding her arms out. “You have to come to the after-party! You never spend any time with me!”

She wasn’t wrong, he thought as he scooted closer. Her face was beaming with her usual flirtatious smile, but underneath it was longing and a hint of anger. The affection he felt creeping into his heart was offset by a gnawing, haunting remorse, one that sunk into his ribs and didn’t leave until long after he went home that night.

But he forced his best smirk as he stood and offered her a hand. “Fine, I’ll go for a little while.”

Her eyes widened, showing their familiar silver sparkle as she took his hand. When she stumbled to her feet, she lurched into him, nearly knocking him into the wall behind him.

“Ah--” Isane waved her hands before placing them on Rangiku’s shoulders. “Rangiku!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Rangiku’s smile grew even more as she leaned her face dangerously close to Gin’s. He could smell the sake radiating from her warm breath. Her fingers latched into his haori, and he willed himself to stay calm as he guided her toward the door.

Ahead of him, he saw Aizen shoot a glance over his shoulder.

When they were safely outside, Isane led the way down the street, and about half of the group followed her. Rangiku didn’t flirt as much outside, and Gin realized she was using all her effort to walk, despite leaning on him. He kept his arm around her waist, and he realized with a jolt that it was the closest they’d been in years - decades, at least.

He suddenly didn’t mind that they were straggling behind the rest of the group. There was a faint yet urgent _need_ inside making his heart pound faster.

He had avoided her for all that time in an attempt to keep that need from ever coming to the surface.

She stumbled, and he flung his free arm around her front in an attempt to catch her. “Rangiku, are you sure you’re okay?” he murmured.

She raised her head, brushing soft hair against his jaw. “I’m going,” she mumbled. “You’re going to the afterparty, so I’m going to the afterparty.”

“Take a second and catch your balance.”

She was leaning against him, hands pressed into his arms. Her back was to the rest of the group, and her interest in the party seemed to fade momentarily.

“Hey… Gin…” Rangiku’s eyes were half-lidded as she looked up at him. “Why don’t you ever come see me anymore? I know you’re not that busy.”

He already knew she knew that. Captains were busy, but not so impossibly busy that they couldn’t make time for their own childhood friends. Gin was torn between worlds, not faithful to anyone; over-committed and yet also noncommittal. He had come to terms with that a century ago.

“Sorry, Ran. I wish I could--”

Her eyelids fell closed, and he realized just how much she had leaned into him. He felt her weight shift, pressing into his arms slightly more as she stood on tiptoe. He wouldn't have even realized what she was doing if her lips hadn't been slightly parted

He glanced up just in time to see Aizen glancing back at him again, his expression unreadable behind the shadows of his glasses.

He wanted to let his eyes slam shut and block out the rest of the world.

Instead, he shot Aizen a grimace - a true grimace, but for reasons Aizen would never, _could_ never understand - and spun Rangiku around to face the rest of the group. “Look, they’re leaving without us,” he said. “Come on! Can’t let Isane outdrink you!”

“Gin--”

He ignored her protests, pulling her along. He hated taking her to the party - he wanted to take her back to the far-flung edges of the Rukongai, the World of the Living, or even Hueco Mundo if it meant getting away from Aizen. He would run for a thousand years if it meant getting her away from there, and out of the mess he had helped make.

But he knew it was far too late.

Beside him, Rangiku fell silent, her face hidden as she kept her face turned away from him.

\----------------------------------------------

“So I think… once he saw that, he didn’t have complete faith that I wouldn’t get scared, y’know? He realized I had a reason to stay behind, after all.” Gin’s voice was hollow, and when his sentence ended, the room felt colder.

“And you had no way of affirming your loyalty to him.” Rangiku’s voice had dropped to a whisper as she stared somewhere between her knees and his.

“I tried to play it off like I wasn’t interested in you, but--” He stopped and looked away as heat crept into his face. “I mean, he didn’t believe that.”

She looked up, her eyes searching his face, and he knew he needed to say more. “He saw the look on my face, I’m sure. He never commented on it directly, but… something changed a little bit after that day.”

“Are you saying the feeling was mutual?”

His stomach lurched. He tried to raise his head and look her in the eyes, but he couldn’t move. The words tumbled out: “My feelings?”

“Yes, yours.”

“Yes.”

He finally looked at her to see her tremble and wipe tears from her eyes. “After all this time, you finally say something,” she muttered. “We could’ve had everything! We could’ve had a life together!”

Her eyes glimmered silver as she glared at him, teeth clenched, hands balling up into fists as she leaned forward. “And it’s-- I know you were already in too deep, but I wish you would’ve told me. I wish you would’ve let me try to help--”

“And that would’ve put you in danger! You, and me, and everyone, because if anyone would’ve tried to fight him at that time--”

“You don’t know that!”

“Rangiku--” His voice had risen sharply, and he stopped himself, glancing toward the door. He sat up on his knees, preparing to move toward her, but she noticed the motion and flinched away.

Tears ran down her face as she shook her head. “What are you saying, Gin? Are you saying you loved me but didn’t trust me enough to let me help?”

He sat back down and took a deep breath. “I trusted you would do everything in your power to, but I didn’t believe it would be enough. Not up against him, and not at that time.”

No matter how many times he had tried to explain it to himself in his mind during all that time in the Repentance Cell, he couldn’t wrap his head around how to explain it to her. The words sounded scripted and drained of meaning. He’d had plenty of time to write that script, and though he'd been so good for acting for all those years, he couldn't seem to put the emotion into them when he actually wanted to.

He felt like he was explaining himself for the third time - and he probably was - but this time was different. He had just blindsided her with something she didn’t even remember doing, and something that could have changed both of their fates if he would have let it.

“I’m sorry, Rangiku. For all of it.” He watched her face, hoping she would look up at him. “Maybe we could’ve had a different future, if I would’ve trusted you enough to try.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, but he could tell she wasn’t done crying. Maybe that was typical for her, at this point - fighting back tears so she could press on with her mission. She had always been strong, but he hadn’t seen enough of her in the past century to know just how strong she had become.

“What happened after that, anyway?” she mumbled.

He shrugged. “You fell asleep almost immediately at the next party, and Lieutenant Kotetsu took you back to your barracks after a while.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all. Aizen did nothing that night. He and I went our separate ways after the after-party.”

She sat silently, wiping her eyes a few more times. Then, in a hoarse whisper, she said: “I can’t remember what else I wanted to ask tonight.”

“That’s fine.”

“Urahara’s working on tweaking Kon so I can keep coming back and forth like this.” She paused and looked toward the door, as if sensing something. “I think that’s him, actually.”

She stood and crossed to the door, and he wondered if she was looking for a convenient excuse to leave. When she opened the door, Kon’s origami form toddled in, and she knelt to pick him up.

“Urahara just finished with me!” Kon whispered.

She nodded and held him cupped in her hands. Gin waited anxiously, watching as she stared down at Kon with no emotion in her eyes.

“I need to think about all this, Gin.” She sent him a long look over her shoulder. “I think I’m satisfied with your answers about Rukia and Momo, but… I still don’t understand you.”

And she probably never would, he thought as he nodded. “That’s fine. We can keep talking.”

She watched him for a moment, eyes narrowing slightly, but there was no malice in her face. The shadows falling over her made her look softer, somehow.

“Goodnight, Gin,” she whispered as she stepped through the door. “Try to get some rest.”

He raised a hand to wave, but it was weak, and it wasn’t the gigai’s fault. “Goodnight, Rangiku.”


	9. The Negotiation, Part III

Rangiku’s eyes hurt when she woke up the next morning. She rolled over, rubbing them blearily as the sun peeked through her curtains.

It took her several minutes to remember the night before. She mulled over Gin’s words and the revelation that she had, apparently, made an obvious move on him shortly before the incident that had changed everything.

And yet, he had still gone through with it.

She had cried herself to sleep. It was the first night in a long time she hadn’t even touched alcohol.

She stood and walked to the dresser, where Kon immediately called: “Good morning, Rangiku!”

“Shush,” she hissed as she reached for the top drawer. “And close your eyes, or I’ll rip you to shreds.”

“That’s not a good idea! Then how are you supposed to--”

She raised a hand. There was a familiar spiritual pressure in the hall heading toward her room. The Captain’s room was down the other hallway, and he never came down this one toward hers unless he needed something.

“Drawer. And shut up,” she whispered, picking him up and stuffing him inside.

“Wait, what’s--”

She slammed the drawer shut and reached for the bathrobe she kept in her closet. There was a sharp knock at the door, and as she swung the robe around her, she called: “Come in!”

“It’s me.” The door slid open a crack. “Are you decent?”

“Yes, Captain!” she said, waving a hand. “What’s up?”

Toshiro slid the door the rest of the way open with his left hand, and she realized his right hand was on his zanpakuto. “What’s going on in here? You sense that, right?”

Her stomach lurched. “Uh, what?”

“There’s a presence in here.” He eyed her for a long moment before stepping closer to the dresser. “And I felt some weird energy like a vibration around here last night, too, but you and the other presence weren’t here when I came by.”

She wracked her brain for an excuse. “You know, I thought I felt something kinda familiar and weird too…” She said, laughing. “But I couldn’t really find anything when I got back last night. I was out drinking, so maybe I just missed it?”

He frowned, but didn't meet her gaze. “I didn’t sense the presence from far away, so it must be pretty weak. And it’s definitely familiar.”

She noticed his gaze lingering on the dresser, and she knew her time was up. She made a faint hum of concern as she opened the top drawer, squinted inside, and pulled out Kon.

“Is this--” She audibly gasped as she shook the paper lion by his ear. “Is that you, Kon?”

If Kon’s drawn-on eyes could have shown emotion, they would have shown sheer terror. “Huh? Rangiku? What are you--”

“What are you doing in my underwear drawer, you little pervert?!” She glanced at Toshiro, whose mouth had dropped halfway open. “Captain, this is what you sensed, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it alright. I'm surprised I didn't recognize him sooner.” Toshiro crossed his arms. “How did you get here?”

“I, uh…” Kon squirmed. “Wait, it’s not what you think, okay? Rangiku--”

“I am going to tear you in half and leave you to rot in the rain!” Rangiku yelled.

“Wait, Big Sis--”

Rangiku pinched his face between her fingers, covering his mouth. “I don’t wanna hear any more out of you,” she hissed before turning to Toshiro. “Sorry, Captain, I’ll just take him--”

“Give him here.” Toshiro held out his hand, and his eyes narrowed as they met Rangiku’s.

Her heart sank, but she complied. Kon tried to leap out of Toshiro’s palm, but the Captain snapped his fist closed and jammed the lion into his belt. “I’m assuming Kon stole something from Urahara in order to be able to travel here by himself - either that, or Urahara made some changes to him without us knowing,” Toshiro said. “I’ll call him and then call Ichigo Kurosaki if needed to arrange Kon’s return.”

“But you can…” Rangiku trailed off, not wanting to make things worse by arguing.

“Get dressed and come to the office,” Toshiro muttered. “I’ll handle this.”

He walked out and slid the door shut behind him. Rangiku walked to the bed and sat down, giving her unsteady legs a rest.

She had been stupid to use Kon’s line inside her room. Kon had even told her to use him outside - and although he had blamed that on the potential for damage, she still should’ve realized the possibility for someone to notice, especially after Yoruichi had felt it. She had rushed through things and gotten sloppy, and now there was almost no chance she would be able to sneak out again soon. Even if Kisuke figured out another way to sneak her out, it wouldn’t be worth the risk of getting caught a second time.

She stood and walked to the bathroom to wash up before changing. She had to try to go to work and put on a good act. No use crying over spilled milk, or whatever the human saying was. She could only focus on processing her emotions until the next time she saw Gin.

\------------------------------------------

The weather in Karakura was unseasonably warm, so Gin occupied his time by working out on the concrete pad between the back porch and the yard. It was surrounded by a low stone wall with a solid wooden portion around the top, reaching just over six feet high, so there was no way of any visitors or neighbors seeing him. The very act of being outside was lifting his spirits, though, and he felt the nervous and frustrated energy from the night before begin to melt away.

He was halfway through a set of crunches when Kisuke emerged from the store. “Got something to bounce off of you,” Kisuke called. 

Gin paused and sat up straight. “Sure. What’s up?”

Kisuke came close and crouched, concealing his face with his fan. “Bad news. I just got grilled by Captain Hitsugaya via phone,” he whispered. “He found Kon, although it sounds like I managed to throw him off our scent, and Kon himself didn’t spill the beans since he knew I’d shred him if he did.”

“And Rangiku?” Gin asked, his voice low.

“She had a cover story for it that would’ve been plausible if it weren’t for the fact that she told him she had been drinking, and yet she didn’t smell like alcohol. That kid’s sharp as a tack, so he picked up on that.” Kisuke waved a hand. “He told me he suspected she was lying, and I told him she had been crying her heart out to Yoruichi last night and that’s probably why she lied about the drinking. I already told Yoruichi to play along with the lie.”

Gin’s heart twinged. That was a little too on-the-nose, and he realized Kisuke must have seen Rangiku crying as she left the night before. But if it kept Rangiku out of trouble, it was fine, he reminded himself. “So what does he think now?”

“Lieutenant Matsumoto had told him that Kon must have somehow tailed her to perv on her, and luckily, I offered the same hypothesis without the Captain even bringing it up. He seems… somewhat convinced,” Kisuke said, leaning closer, “but he took Kon away, and he’s actually bringing Kon back here in a few minutes himself.”

Gin stared at the ground. “She’s not coming back anytime soon, is she?”

“I’m afraid not.” Kisuke stood. “I’m sorry about this. I thought I had the portal's spiritual energy locked down pretty well, but because she used it right there in her quarters and Kon was around afterwards, the Captain eventually got suspicious enough to check.”

“I appreciate your help, though,” Gin replied, brushing off his hands. “You need me to come inside?”

“Nah, don’t bother. The Captain might stick his head out, though.”

Kisuke went back in, and Gin stared at the pavement a while longer. On the one hand, maybe it was for the best if they had a little time apart. He suspected this would end up being too much time apart, though, especially if Captain Hitsugaya was still suspicious of him.

It would eventually be nice to talk to the Captain and try to clear the air about past events, but he knew it was too soon for that. The look in the Captain’s eyes during his last visit had told Gin all he needed to know.

He laid back down and resumed his crunches. He hated waiting, but he could only trust that Kisuke - and Rangiku, for that matter - would take tiny, halting steps toward reuniting them. Until then, he would strengthen himself and plan his next words for the next time they could meet.

They _would_ meet - definitely, eventually. He had to keep telling himself that, or he would lose his mind.


	10. The Negotiation, Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! Quick note for dub-only folks: Toshiro rarely, if ever, refers to Hinamori as “Momo” in the original Japanese. This is significant because using someone’s first name is a little more intimate in Japanese than it is in English. The dub unfortunately glosses over this and has him refer to Momo a lot. Although I generally use the English dub terminology in this fic, I stuck with the original’s naming conventions because it captures their relationship better.

Rangiku was shuffled in and out of meetings all day, and by the time it was finished, she needed a drink. She waved at Kiyone as they left the Lieutenants’ meeting in the afternoon, but Kiyone offered a sad smile back. “You’re gonna ask if I can go drinking, right?” Kiyone said. “Sorry, but Isane and I are too busy today. I even have to take some of her usual duties.”

“Huh? That sucks!” Rangiku moaned. “What kinda work did they dump on you?”

Kiyone glanced around and lowered her voice. “A sudden request for a checkup on Gin Ichimaru. Someone from Squad 4 has to go, but only Captains and Lieutenants are allowed to go visit him, so I got stuck with it since Isane’s too busy…”

Rangiku frowned. “Wait, Lieutenants are allowed to?”

“Yeah, Isane said Head Captain Kyoraku got Central 46 to change the rule because the Captains are all so busy.” Kiyone glanced away. “I mean, like, just this morning. You hadn’t heard?”

“My Captain and I had other things to deal with this morning, so it might’ve slipped his mind.” Rangiku suspected the last phrase was a lie, but she forced a smile.

“Well, you still have to have written permission from your Captain to go, and there might be some other rules.” Kiyone offered a sympathetic smile back, and Rangiku wondered just how much the Lieutenant knew about the two of them. “I’m sure he’s heard by now, though, so go ask him!”

With that, Kiyone hurried away, and Rangiku was left to head back to Squad 10 on her own. She resisted the urge to flash-step back, deciding instead to use the time to weigh how she would approach the conversation with Toshiro.

Unfortunately, by the time she arrived, she still didn’t have any good ideas. She knew his mood would partly depend on how his conversation with Urahara had gone. She knocked before sticking her head into the office, and to her mild dismay, he was alone.

“Good work today,” he said as he set a stack of papers aside. “I know today was a lot of meetings.”

She closed the door behind her. “Any word from Urahara?”

“He said basically the same thing you said, although he was a little cryptic about how Kon had managed to get here.” He shrugged. “I consider the matter closed for now. How’s Yoruichi doing?”

She tilted her head. “Huh - oh, she’s fine!”

She wasn’t totally sure what kind of cover story Urahara had concocted, but she played along with it. Toshiro held out a hand. “Any paperwork from those meetings I need to sign?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

“Any other updates?”

“Lieutenant Abarai said we’re still on for joint training next week. That’s it.” She took a deep breath. “And I heard one more thing I’d like to talk to you about.”

He was emotionless, but she could feel his spiritual pressure take a darker turn. “Go ahead.”

“I heard that the rules regarding Gin Ichimaru’s visitors changed. I heard that Lieutenants are allowed to visit now if their Captain signs off--”

“Absolutely not.”

There was no malice in his eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel like she had been stabbed. “What would it take to convince you?” she murmured as she stepped closer.

“Nobody in the Soul Society is totally impartial in his case, but you are the least likely to be. You have no right to be doing any official business with his case.”

“He deserves to be treated fairly, though--”

"Of course he deserves to be treated fairly. There's a reason why I volunteered to be on his supervisory detail."

Her chest hurt, and she slowly walked to the table and set down her papers from the meeting. “You volunteered for that?”

"Once I knew what his sentence was, yes.” Toshiro closed his eyes for a moment before fixing her with a determined stare. “You know I was never thrilled with the idea of him being allowed anywhere outside of prison. He hurt Momo, after all. And I'm still not convinced he needed to do that to stay on Aizen's good side--"

"Aizen's the one who actually stabbed her! Gin would have held back if it came down to actually seriously hurting her--"

“How do you know that?”

The answer stuck in Rangiku’s throat. She couldn’t wrap her head around a way to say it without exposing her secret visits. “He had allegedly said that at some point,” she mumbled. “Aizen didn’t want her hurt yet, anyway.”

“Do you seriously believe that--”

“I do, Captain! He wouldn’t have killed someone I cared about to get revenge for me!” Rangiku stopped as the implications of her words hit her. He would have killed Rukia, who she barely knew, or random Soul Reapers she didn’t know, but he wouldn’t have hurt Momo.

Toshiro fell silent. Rangiku drew a shuddering breath, mentally begging herself not to cry. "I thought you were sympathetic to how I felt, but apparently not," she added.

"I _am_ sympathetic. Aizen was incredibly skilled at turning people against each other." He leaned forward, resting his hands on his desk. "Look at what happened with Momo and Kira, for crying out loud. And her feelings toward Aizen afterward. One person's betrayal can bring out the worst in everyone left behind. And when it's three apparent betrayals, then..."

He looked away, and she wanted to yell at him and force him to talk to her properly. She sensed he was dancing around the real issue at hand. “I understand why you want to see him. And I don’t think he’s irredeemable,” he said, turning back to her. “But we owe it to the rest of the Soul Society to proceed with caution on this. We’ve already lost enough as it is.”

“Yeah, and we shouldn’t lose him while we’re at it! I lost him for long enough as it is!”

Her voice cracked, and she had to force herself to continue meeting his gaze. He sighed and closed his eyes. She could sense his spiritual pressure flickering slightly, as if he was trying to calm himself.

“We won’t lose him,” he said. “We just have to focus on rebuilding right now. That’s our job, Lieutenant. And I think we could all use another month or two to cool off and focus on our own.”

She knew that the two of them would never see eye to eye on who was considered “their own.” But he had a point: rebuilding was going slowly, and even the noble houses were having their own internal power struggles, threatening to destabilize the entire effort. He needed her whole focus. It wasn’t selfish of him, even if it was ultimately motivated by a deep, unrelenting mistrust of Gin.

The conversation wasn’t over, though, she told herself as she nodded. “Is that all for tonight?” she asked.

“If you have nothing else to report from the Lieutenants’ meeting, then you can go,” he said. “And actually get some rest tonight. Get a drink, if it makes you feel better.”

She blinked. It was a cold day in hell if he was actually encouraging her to drink. She turned to leave, but just before she reached the door, she stopped and murmured: "Captain?"

"Yes?"

"You called her 'Momo' instead of 'Hinamori.' Twice, in fact--"

"Shut up!”

Despite her teasing, her heart felt heavy as she left the room. There was no telling when she would get to see Gin again if Toshiro was in charge. His heart was damn near immovable, like a glacier towering over all around him.

\----------------------------------------

The next day was warm again. Gin did chores around the house until Jinta and Ururu came home early from school thanks to exams being finished. Ururu immediately left to go shopping, but Jinta headed out into the backyard to let off some steam with a baseball bat.

As he finished cleaning, Gin stuck his head into the backyard. Jinta was practicing his swings with full force, but there was a smile on his face.

“Must be nice being done with exams,” Gin said.

Jinta paused and looked over. “Sure is. No practice today due to some dumb teachers’ meeting, though, so now I dunno what to do.”

“Should I throw a ball for you to hit?”

Jinta’s face lit up. “Yeah!” He ran a few feet away and picked up a light plastic ball. "I can't use a real baseball 'cause it could break something, so use this."

He tossed the ball to Gin, who stepped into the yard and situated himself as far as possible from Jinta. “You sure this won’t break anything?” Gin murmured.

“That thing’s just a plastic shell! The old man even designed it to never fly higher than a couple feet, so it’ll stay in the yard.”

"That’s clever of him." Gin smiled and drew his arm back. "Ready?"

"Yeah!"

He threw the ball, and it sailed far to Jinta's right. "What the hell, dude?" Jinta muttered.

"Sorry! This body's still rusty, y’know?"

Jinta retrieved the ball and threw it back. "Try again!"

At least he was giving him a second chance instead of giving up, Gin thought as he threw it again. This time, the ball came much closer to Jinta, and he managed to swing and clip the ball.

"Well, that's better," Jinta said, watching the ball clatter along the stone wall.

Gin jogged to get it. "Not bad!" he said as he reached the fence.

A shadow appeared above him, and he jerked his head up. Staring down at him was a beautiful pair of brown eyes peering over the solid wooden fence along the top of the wall, with a bright orange head of hair just barely visible above it.

Behind him, Jinta gasped: “Inoue!”

Gin stumbled back. The mouth below the eyes was hidden behind the fence, but he could still read fear and confusion, even without his spiritual powers.

“Sorry,” a thin, female voice said. “I just heard you playing, and... I thought I’d say hi.”

The eyes stared at Gin a moment longer before dropping out of sight. “Inoue, wait!” Jinta called, running toward the fence.

The back door flew open, and Kisuke appeared. “Damn, I never thought one of them would actually peek over the back wall, with how high I built that top part,” he murmured. “Mr. Ichimaru, you should come inside now.”

Gin obeyed, forgetting to retrieve the ball. Fear weighed down his heart, but his legs moved fast, and he was safely inside with the door closed within a matter of seconds.

“Don’t stress about it too much,” Kisuke said. “We knew we would have to tell them eventually. But I thought that if any one of them ever came close to snooping around, I would sense it in time. That was the one downside to letting you keep your original form and face, I guess - there's no lying about who you are once they spot you.”

“She’s going to tell the others, right?”

“And that poses no threat to you, I promise.” Kisuke waved him away. “Do me a favor and wait in your room, will you? I suspect we’ll get a visit from Isshin pretty soon, here.”


	11. The Negotiation, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry this chapter ended up so long. I tried to trim it, but.... Well.
> 
> Second: seiza is basically just kneeling, but specifically kneeling in a very straight way that ends up with your feet and calves really hurting if you're not used to it. It's for formal situations. Gin's gigai in particular wouldn't be used to holding this pose yet!

Gin tried to read a book as he waited in his room, but nothing could keep his attention for long. Around an hour later, there was a soft knock on his door, and Kisuke called: “Mr. Ichimaru, we have company!”

He stood and slid the door open, revealing Kisuke and Isshin Shiba - no, Kurosaki, Gin reminded himself. Gin bowed in greeting, and Isshin offered a reluctant bow back. He noticed Isshin was wearing a button-down and slacks, a sharp departure from the stark black shihakusho Gin had come to expect.

“Tessai, will you get one of the temporary gigai ready?” Kisuke asked as the co-owner walked past.

“Sorry you ended up having to call him,” Isshin said, sighing.

“Call who?” Gin murmured.

“Let’s talk in the dining room, shall we?” Kisuke said, waving Gin toward the door.

Gin complied, and soon they were seated around the same low table he always ate meals at. Gin had knelt, deciding to air on the side of formality, but Kisuke and Isshin both sat cross-legged across from each other. “Orihime feels bad about peeking over your fence like that,” Isshin said as soon as the door was closed. “She forgot her manners, didn’t she? She said she even climbed on top of a box in the alley to be able to see.”

“Oh, please. We’re all friends here, and I know she was just trying to be nice to Jinta,” Kisuke said. “Why’d she come down the alley, though?”

“She’d just gotten off work and was coming to see Ichigo instead of running home first like usual.”

“Ah, such a diligent young lady!” Kisuke smiled at Gin. “Sounds like she really had no clue you were here! Your spiritual pressure is pretty different now and all.”

“I guess so,” Gin murmured.

“Technically I’m supposed to report to your supervisory detail if anything along these lines happens, so I contacted Captain Kuchiki, and he decided to let the Head Captain know since it’s technically a breach of Central 46’s orders.” Kisuke waved his fan again. “Technicalities everywhere, but don’t worry about it. Head Captain Kyoraku will be able to smooth things over.”

Gin felt nervousness build in his stomach. “Is that who’s coming?”

“Yup!” Kisuke grinned. “But don’t worry about it! I think he’s been looking for an excuse to come by in person.”

Tessai entered with a tray of tea, set it down, and whispered something in Kisuke’s ear before leaving. “You can come join us when you’re finished,” Kisuke said softly after him.

When the door was closed again, Kisuke added: “Jinta’s been a handful lately. Just doesn’t seem to want to do his schoolwork! I’m worried about his exam grades!”

“Ichigo put in his best effort since it’s his last year, and I’m surprised he did okay, all things considered.” Isshin grinned. “Don’t worry, Jinta will grow into it! He’s just that age!”

Gin shifted nervously as Kisuke looked up and stared at the door. “I’m surprised it’s just him and not his Lieutenant,” Kisuke whispered.

“I’m shocked Nanao-chan let him come alone,” Isshin said, nodding.

“Don’t call her by that name; you might summon her--”

The door slid open, revealing Shunsui Kyoraku in a Hawaiian-print shirt and cargo pants. “Hello all,” he said, bowing before sitting down between Kisuke and Isshin.

Kisuke’s cheeks puffed up, but Isshin broke into an actual laugh. “Apologies, Head Captain, but I wasn’t expecting to see you wearing human clothes,” Isshin said.

“You were so distracted you didn’t even bow.” Shunsui smirked as Kisuke poured his tea. “If you were still under my command, I’d punish you for that.”

It was an odd atmosphere, considering the seriousness of the occasion, but Gin could sense tension building underneath. It was present in Isshin’s gaze in particular, as the smile faded from his eyes and he folded his hands on the table.

Perhaps laughter was their way of dealing with it, Gin thought. Either way, it didn’t explain why he had been summoned to sit there awkwardly, instead of just leaving the conversation to the other three.

Shunsui glanced across the table, and Gin immediately bowed. “Relax, that was a joke,” Shunsui said. “You’ve had a lot of visitors recently, huh? Lieutenant Kotetsu said you’re in good health!”

“I am,” Gin murmured.

“Right, so let’s discuss the situation.” Shunsui nodded to Isshin. “What has Kisuke told you so far?”

“That Gin’s sentence is exile and stripping of powers, plus probation here until Central 46 decides otherwise,” Isshin said. “He explained the general rationale of the trial to us, and we had already heard a lot of it through the rumor mill anyway. So why didn’t you tell us?”

Shunsui sighed. “Central 46 ordered us to keep this under wraps for as long as possible, although I think they knew realistically that you would find out sooner than they wanted.”

“Hell, you knew I would eventually drop by the store and sense him, didn’t you?”

Kisuke smiled. “I did! I wasn’t as worried about your reaction if you found out suddenly, though. Besides, you hardly ever visit me anymore! You always send Karin, who can only vaguely sense Gin’s presence now that he’s a normal soul.”

“I suppose I just don’t understand the rationale.” Isshin glanced at Gin. “Forgive me for bringing this up in front of you, but I think we need to clear the air.”

“Rationale for what?” Shunsui asked.

“Central 46’s relatively light sentence. I have heard about the mitigating circumstances and all, and Kisuke gave me the short version over the phone, but I still don’t quite understand what the hell Central 46 is expecting--”

“I don’t think the Head Captain would go so far as to criticize the Central 46’s sentencing, so I’ll weigh in,” Kisuke said with a smirk. "Let’s start with all the other things that have happened in our world, including some under Central 46's direct jurisdiction, that have been largely forgiven. Mayuri Kurotsuchi has conducted countless unethical experiments and murdered thousands in order to balance the Soul Society without approval from the Head Captain or Central 46. Kenpachi Zaraki killed two Captains to finally claim the Kenpachi name. Uryu Ishida joined the Quincies for a while in an attempt to get close to Ywhach, and even shot Yoruichi while she tried to save the Soul King. I also remember Mr. Ishida using some ethically dubious Hollow bait when he was trying to assert himself as Ichigo’s rival right after they first met. Yoruichi even trusted me enough to betray the Soul Society and flee with Tessai and I, even before actually seeing proof of Aizen's actions for herself."

The Head Captain’s expression didn’t change until Kisuke added: "Oh, and we could also include the Captains who fought other Captains, and even the Head Captain, during Rukia's impending execution. That was technically treason, wasn't it?"

"Hey now, no need to go airing our dirty laundry to the entire world," Shunsui said, chuckling.

Gin waited, barely daring to breathe. Shunsui was one of the calmest and most laid-back Captains, but he still had a serious side that Gin had seen on occasion while they were both still Captains.

For several seconds, Shunsui stared down at his tea. "It’s true that the ethics of fairness and punishment are quite messy for us. You know, in times as complicated as this, I honestly don't know what to do." Shunsui smiled. "So I just ask myself what the person I admire most would've done, and go from there. That's a good way to live, don't you think?"

He glanced up at Gin, who didn’t respond. After a moment, Shunsui added: “Regardless of what Central 46 thinks and what other people have gotten away with in the past, I'm interested in justice. And I haven't entirely figured out what that looks like yet, but I wonder if it can be a thing that you earn, and not just a thing that is done to you."

“What do you mean by that?” Isshin asked.

“It’s hard to explain. Redemption, basically, but also a little bit more than that.” Shunsui sipped his tea. “Believe me, we’re having plenty of internal conversations about what to do moving forward, but there is a group of us that believes maybe the Soul Society had over-used punishment for a while, especially if the accused is no longer a threat, is surrounded by good influences, atones for his crimes, and can be rehabilitated.”

“Head Captain.” Gin’s voice was hollow, but he knew he needed to speak, even if it was out of turn. “My crimes were serious, and people died because of my decision to go along with Aizen’s plan. Even though the whole thing started when I was young and I felt trapped in the end, I don’t expect you to forgive me.”

Shunsui fixed him with one dark eye, and Gin added: “I’m sorry for all the chaos and harm my actions contributed to, and I would never go down that path again. But I don’t expect blanket forgiveness.”

The words felt thick and clumsy in his mouth, and he wondered for a brief moment how much he really meant them. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had time to think about them - it was that he had mentally rehearsed them so many times that suddenly saying them aloud felt surreal.

“Well, that’s gonna be up to each person, as an individual,” Shunsui said, a faint smile appearing. “Honestly, many never will. But I have faith that some can and will, and that you can use that grace to do good.”

A spark of hope ignited in Gin’s heart, and before he could quash it, he blurted: “Could I start with Rangiku Matsumoto?”

Shunsui’s smile faded to a thin line. “You wanna talk to her? She’s a tough nut to crack, you know. I think Captains Hitsugaya, Kuchiki and Hirako are the only ones in the whole Soul Society who will be tougher than her.”

“I know. But she deserves it.”

“I can talk to her Captain and try to see what we can do, but it’ll all depend on what she wants. She’s allowed to visit you now that Central 46 tweaked the conditions of your stay and is allowing Lieutenants to visit, but it’s technically supposed to be official business only.”

“You might want to also talk to Ichigo sooner rather than later,” Isshin added. “I can buy you some time to decide what you wanna do, but he’s probably gonna demand a chance to air his grievances once he hears all this.”

Gin nodded, and he only felt a momentary twinge of anxiety at the thought. “That sounds like something he would do. And that’s fair, honestly.”

Isshin avoided his gaze. Shunsui sipped his tea and added: “That visit will have to take place here, since he’s not allowed to leave the house and yard, yet.”

“I’m happy to facilitate that,” Kisuke said.

“No offense, Kisuke, but I don’t know if Ichigo will be thrilled with that idea,” Isshin murmured. "I don't think he's happy with you right now, either."

“Fair enough. We can cross that bridge when we come to it.” Kisuke glanced around at the others. “Anything else?”

“No, that’s really about it! Just wanted to clear the air,” Shunsui said as he finished his tea. “Thanks for hosting!”

Gin hid his surprise, but Isshin openly gawked. “I know you’re busy, sir, but is that really it?” Isshin asked.

“Yes, we have a lot of things going on right now. And you don’t need to keep calling me ‘sir.’ Any of you,” Shunsui said as he stood. “None of you are Soul Reapers anymore, so let’s talk a little less seriously, shall we?”

An odd attitude to take, Gin thought, considering he was their prisoner and Kisuke was literally acting as the Soul Society’s jailer.

“By the way, Gin… next time I visit, you don’t have to sit _seiza_ ,” Shunsui said over his shoulder when he reached the door.

Gin forced a smile. His legs were starting to hurt. “I appreciate that,” he mumbled, shifting his weight to free his legs from beneath him.

Isshin finished his tea and followed Shunsui, and Gin sensed that the two of them were about to exchange more words. Kisuke hummed in approval and headed for the door as well. Just before the door closed behind him, Kisuke leaned over and peered at Gin’s legs before remarking: “Oh my, you sat like that the whole time?”

Gin stretched his legs out and laid back on the tatami, relieved to be free of the others. It wasn’t that he minded talking to them - just the opposite, really, when he reminded himself of how important they were to reconnecting with Rangiku.

He just needed to think and temper the budding hope that was growing in his chest. He had work to do, and that work wasn’t going anywhere until he did some more soul-searching.

A few minutes later, Kisuke reappeared. “They left,” he said. “Wasn’t actually that much to talk about. Just a formality.”

“With all due respect, why was I there?” Gin murmured as he rubbed his calves. “I appreciate it, but…”

“No conversations about you without you.” Kisuke shrugged. “It’s rude to gossip about someone without them there, and you can’t figure out how to get someone where they need to be without that person in the room. There’s certainly a hard limit to that rule, but considering the Head Captain wants to re-establish some trust on all sides, it made sense.”

Gin frowned. “On all sides?”

“He knows that one of the best ways to keep someone from being bitter and angry against the Soul Society is to treat them with respect. Best way to keep someone from re-offending, right?”

He wandered off, leaving Gin alone again. It made perfect sense, Gin thought. Shunsui’s visit wasn’t purely altruistic at all.

Gin still appreciated it, though, especially if it allowed him to reach Rangiku.


	12. The Negotiation, Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick discussion of the complicating factors behind this chapter:  
> In the manga, Gin straight-up sliced Hiyori in half without any direct prompting from Aizen, and she miraculously survived. When I started writing this fic, I had only watched the anime version of the Arrancar arc, in which she is merely stabbed. I didn't realize the extent to which Gin had canonically hurt her. This is quite a big difference to grapple with, and the severity of his actions will come back up in future chapters.  
> But I think it's still worth working through this. In real life, if you discover that someone has committed a serious crime while they're already working through the restorative justice process for another crime, you don't just give up - you keep pushing through. The final justice you reach may be incomplete, or you may have to take several steps back while the serious crime is dealt with, but you don't just walk away from all of it.  
> The references to Masaki will come back up in future chapters too. Thanks for reading this far!

It turned out Ichigo wanted to meet the very next day. Kisuke agreed reluctantly, but Gin signed off on the idea without reservations. He wanted to get it over with, instead of spending an additional day and night worrying about it.

Since Gin wasn’t allowed to leave the house, they agreed to meet in the dining room again. It felt strange repeatedly using the space as a meeting room, but it wasn’t like Kisuke had another good space for it. The house was small - at least, on the ground floor it was, and Kisuke didn’t seem keen on letting them into his basement unnecessarily.

Gin wore his best sweatshirt and slacks for the occasion. Five minutes until three, he took his seat in the dining room and waited, anxiety beginning to build in the corners of his mind.

He heard voices in the hallway, and a few seconds later, the door opened. Ichigo Kurosaki walked in, looking taller and more mature than the last time Gin saw him. He realized the boy must have just finished his third year of high school - hell, he wasn’t even really a _boy_ anymore. That felt unreal.

But the look in Ichigo’s eyes was perfectly real. They were cold, but not icy, and their brown hues still caught the light of the sun filtering through the curtains.

“Thank you for coming,” Gin said, standing and bowing.

“Skip the formalities.” Ichigo sat directly across from Gin, and his father sat beside him. Both had dressed casually, but Gin knew better than to read too much into that.

Kisuke shut the door and joined them. “The others are busy, so we’ll skip tea and just get down to it, if that’s alright,” he said. “First of all - are we maintaining confidentiality in this room? This conversation is going to be sensitive, so I just want to get us all on the same page.”

"Nothing specific from our side gets repeated back to the Soul Society, if that's alright," Isshin said.

Gin swallowed hard. “I have nothing to hide at this point. You can tell Miss Inoue and the others anything I say here.”

“Fair enough!” Kisuke's voice was level, but his expression was hidden by his hat. “Second of all, let me make it clear that I’m here to be a neutral facilitator and to provide information. I’m not on anybody’s side, and I will try to keep everything fair.”

“How are you supposed to be fair?” Ichigo muttered. “I mean, you’re in charge of him now, and you still wouldn’t be impartial anyway, with how badly Aizen screwed you over.”

"Well, that shouldn't concern you too much, because if anything, I'll be more on your side." Kisuke jabbed his fan toward Ichigo. "And with that, your side may speak first."

"Nah, I'm good." Ichigo leaned forward. "You all already know what my deal is, right? So go ahead."

Isshin nodded. “I don't have much to say yet either. Gin should go ahead.”

Gin nodded. "I appreciate that. You can stop me if you have questions or anything anytime.”

The others didn’t reply. Gin felt a knot of anxiety building in his stomach; he couldn’t sense their spiritual pressure, but he could still read the strain on their faces. “Let me start, then, by getting us on the same page about what happened to Rangiku and I when we were children." Gin sighed. "It's not an excuse, but it will at least show you what my intentions were."

He launched into an explanation similar to the one he had given Rangiku on the first night she had visited. There was no need to go into the depths of his childhood before Aizen’s men had attacked Rangiku; that hadn’t contributed so much to his actions and motives, he thought. He made sure to outline how quickly things had escalated even as he graduated the Academy, and how by the time Rukia Kuchiki had come to the World of the Living, the gears of Aizen’s plans were moving far too fast for anyone to stop. He talked about how much he regretted nearly killing Rukia, and how he didn’t expect forgiveness for that.

He paused as he noticed Ichigo’s brow furrowing. “I understand if you don’t believe me yet. I’m definitely sorry I let things go that far, and Rangiku has already made sure I understand that I should have trusted her and the others more. I want you to understand why I did it, though,” Gin said. “Before we left the Soul Society, half of the reason why I kept following him was that I felt stuck with no way out. Half of it was that I didn't want to give up on getting revenge.”

He glanced at Isshin, who stroked his beard but said nothing. “After we actually left the Soul Society, I assumed I would end up dead one way or another, so I held on in hopes that I could take him down before he succeeded in his plans. There was never a good chance, though, since I needed to touch Kyoka Suigetsu to do it,” Gin continued.

"Okay, I see why you hung out with him for as long as you did,” Ichigo said suddenly. “Let's talk about you hurting other people, though. Say what you want about Rukia and Byakuya, but didn't you nearly kill Hiyori, too?"

There it was - the one casualty that he hadn’t even had time to discuss with Rangiku yet. It had come up during his trial, and he’d had no excuses to offer for it. At that time, though, Hiyori hadn’t returned to the Soul Society, and so Central 46 had been much less concerned with her than they had with the other crimes he had committed.

Which, he had to admit, was another example of Central 46 picking and choosing who they cared about, but that was another issue - one that he really had no business getting into.

"I did. And I regret that. And I’m not sure why I went that far, either.” Gin wracked his memory. He could remember Hiyori charging at Aizen after hearing his taunts, then swinging his sword, and then Hiyori falling to the ground, cut nearly clean in half by his sword.

That time, he hadn’t been in control.

“I just reacted,” he murmured. “I tried to stay out of the battle as much as possible, but it was a war, at that point, and--"

"So you just casually tried to kill her, even though you didn't have to?"

Gin stared down at the table. He half-expected Kisuke to make some comment to temper the accusatory atmosphere, but then he remembered that at one point, Hiyori had been Kisuke’s Lieutenant.

“I will admit,” Gin murmured, “by the end of everything, I had... become a lot more…”

He didn't know a word for it. It wasn't that he didn't care at all - it hurt, even at the time that he had done it - but it didn't hurt enough to slow him down. A quiet, creeping fear sank over him, both of his own actions and of the judgement now staring at him from across the table.

“Desensitized?” Kisuke said quietly.

Gin took a slow breath and looked up. “I think that's a good word, yes.” The fear sank deeper, but he pushed forward. “But I made horrible choices and lost control. I still felt like I had to prove myself to Aizen in order to stay close to him, I guess, even though I was actively avoiding fighting you all. At that point in the battle, I was focused on surviving long enough to achieve my goal, y'know?”

“No, I don't know,” Ichigo replied. “You were so focused on your end goal that you couldn't even see the lives around you!"

Gin knew that, but he knew he needed to hear it again. “You’re right.”

“Your end goal was noble, I guess. Or at least, it started out as such. But you better have learned a damn lesson about how your end goal never in a million years could've justified your means.”

“I have.”

“And not just because you failed and I had to clean up your mess for you?”

Kisuke flinched, but Gin raised a hand. “It's fine.” He forced himself to hold Ichigo's gaze. “I have learned my lesson, believe me. And that process started when I was able to see how much pain I caused the person I did it for. I'm sorry for all of it. And not just because I failed.”

The room was silent for a long moment, with only the whir of the heater filling the space across the table. “So you've been here ever since they sentenced you, huh?” Ichigo said softly. “That explains why we never got an update after I was called in to testify.”

Gin frowned. "You testified?"

"Yeah, about the last battle. I testified that you hadn't participated in the battle much and mostly avoided fighting me, so I could be ready to deal with Aizen if you failed. At least, that's how I read your words that day when you said you were no longer interested in fighting me, and you gave me that strange look.” Ichigo’s eyes narrowed. "Am I wrong?"

Gin shook his head. That testimony must have contributed to Central 46's lenient decision.

"Renji straight-up tried to kill me twice. So did Byakuya." Ichigo shrugged. "They're not bad people. Their priorities were fucked up, for sure, and they lost sight of what's important. But they're not bad people."

Gin opened his mouth to reply, but Ichigo continued: "I'm not sure about you yet. I'm not convinced you deserve forgiveness or anything, but I can at least remain neutral as everyone else figures out how they feel about this."

Gin nodded. That was fair. He never expected forgiveness; he expected a reckoning, and he sure as hell was getting it. To his surprise, though, Ichigo’s face softened for an instant, his brow furrowing in a way it hadn’t before. "I'm not going to be your best friend or anything, but I'm not gonna hate you, either," Ichigo said. "Besides, it's pretty brave of you to face me and apologize in person."

There was a flicker of warmth in Gin’s chest. "And I admire and appreciate your willingness to meet with me," Gin said.

The room was silent again until Kisuke turned to Isshin. "You... don't have anything to say?"

“I think Ichigo summed most of it up,” Isshin said.

There was another pause, and Kisuke didn’t take his gaze from Isshin. Isshin sighed and added: “Your team hurt me, and more importantly, hurt Masaki back in the day. Your Hollow altered the rest of her life.”

Gin’s mouth went dry as regret surged through his veins. Aizen had hurt Rangiku. In the end, he and Gin had both hurt Masaki.

And Masaki had been to Isshin what Rangiku had been to Gin. Masaki’s presence as Ichigo’s mother had been known to Gin, sure, but he had never made the connection.

Gin had become exactly what he hated - and Isshin apparently hadn’t.

"But in the end, you weren’t what killed her. And I just hope you never let revenge take you over like that ever again,” Isshin continued. “I still don’t get why you didn’t try to get help sooner, considering how many murders you were complicit in - and don’t give me that ‘I was in too deep’ excuse.”

He was being far too generous, Gin thought as he stared down at the table. “That’s fair. I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, you should be. And you should’ve told someone. I know you were young, but as soon as you realized how messy it was--” Isshin sighed and waved a hand. “If you would’ve told Rangiku while she was my Lieutenant, we could’ve figured this all out, I promise you that.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” It was all Gin could say. The calm resolve that had shaped his words before had slowly been replaced by something hot and painful. It curled around him, suffocating and twisting, choking him and stabbing his eyes with tears.

It was _shame_. He hadn’t even felt that when Rangiku had cried - he had only felt regret. Somehow, the gravity of it all hadn’t sunk in until he remembered the direct, horrifying result of what he had become. 

“I should have just kept my faith in Rangiku and told her. That would have been enough,” he murmured.

“You better be more honest with all of us from now on,” Isshin said. “I still can’t trust or forgive you completely, but I’m with Ichigo. We won’t interfere with you being here unless you give us a reason to.”

Gin could feel Kisuke’s gaze on him, waiting for a reply. “That’s fair.” Gin bowed low, his hair nearly grazing his hands as they rested on his knees. “I’m sorry.”

When he raised his head again, Ichigo had already stretched his arms and nodded toward the door. “I’m late to meet Inoue and the others, and they’ll get worried, so I should head out.” Ichigo stood and bowed, mostly to Kisuke. Isshin cast Kisuke a nervous glance before standing and bowing as well.

“Um--” Gin stood and bowed as well. “Thank you for coming and hearing me out.”

“Yeah, we’ll let you know if we got any other beef with you,” Ichigo said with a wave over his shoulder.

That wasn’t quite forgiveness, but it felt like a lot more than he deserved, Gin thought as he watched them leave.


	13. The Waltz, Part I

Rangiku had a pounding headache by the time the Lieutenants’ meeting ended that evening. She had slept poorly the night before - and the night before that, she reminded herself - and the fatigue was beginning to drag her down.

She left quickly and returned to Squad 10, knocking softly before entering the Captain’s office. “We just finished for the day,” she said as Toshiro looked up from his desk.

“Good work. You even got most of your paperwork done ahead of time.” He held out a hand, as usual. “Anything for me?”

“Nope. I swear 90% of the meeting is irrelevant to our work these days. It’s weird.” She closed the door behind her and walked closer. “Any other updates for me?”

“Just one. And then I’ll let you go, because we have a busy day tomorrow.” He didn’t meet her gaze for a moment, and only looked up when she sat down on the couch.

“Head Captain Kyoraku and I have reached an agreement that, in principle, you will be allowed to meet with Gin Ichimaru once per week for up to four hours for official business, which will usually be defined by us in advance. This may be interrupted if you have other urgent duties, but the Head Captain expects me to do my best to make it happen.”

She leaned forward. The expression on her Captain’s face was distant, but his words were clear. “Visits? I can?” she said, her voice shaking.

“But let me make a few things clear. First and foremost, your focus is here, on rebuilding. I’m sure you realize that.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes closing for a moment. “Second, I think I already made my opinions heard before, but I want to reinforce them.”

She nodded. “Go ahead.”

“I understand Central 46’s desire to turn over a new leaf. They’ve always kept more people locked up than necessary, it seems.” He fixed her with a cool stare, but it was devoid of any anger or frustration. “I just never understood why he was the test case, of sorts. And I don’t see why you have to be the one to help with it, especially since he hasn’t earned it. At all.”

"Look... I understand our focus on rebuilding, so we’re on the same page there.”

He nodded and waited for her to continue. “I'm not going to pretend that I'm morally right for wanting to see if he can be treated a little better, and not be so isolated," she murmured. "Maybe he deserves to be locked up longer, alone, or even imprisoned for real. Maybe he can never completely atone for what he did. But I don't feel like I can live the rest of my life without trying, and I want to start now. If that’s selfish of me, then I’ll bear that cross."

He looked away, and she added: "And surely you know that leaving him alone forever won't help anything. In fact, if you distrust him so much, surely you want someone by his side who can keep him on the straight and narrow."

"I just wish that person wasn't you. I worry he'll hurt you again."

A rare sentiment from her Captain. She wanted to savor the moment, but instead, she replied: "That's for me to worry about."

"You're right. Forgive me." He pulled a paper from a drawer and handed it to her with a flick of his wrist. The fears and anxieties of the words he had spoken were etched in his eyes as he said: “Go. You have my permission to be there and check in on him until midnight, although I highly recommend you come back sooner to get enough rest. We really do have a lot to do tomorrow.”

She bowed and took the paper, her heart not flooding with relief until he had let go of it and left it safely in her hands. “Thank you, Captain.”

“Hurry up.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

Gin set his book down and stretched, feeling the muscles in his shoulders creak and loosen. He had just taken a bath, but he still felt stiff. He had barely left his room after the meeting, choosing instead to try to distract himself by reading.

He had almost cried halfway through the first chapter, but not quite. It would have been the first time he cried since waking up from his coma.

He still had time. Surely someone else would come through with some other way he had irreversibly fucked up.

There was a soft tap at his door, and when he acknowledged it, Rangiku’s face appeared. Kisuke had said she might come by, but had been vague about the details, Gin thought as he waved her in. “Hey. Wasn’t sure when to expect you.”

“Yeah. Did Urahara tell you much?”

“Just that you had gotten permission.”

She beamed at him as she closed the door behind her and tiptoed over. “Head Captain Kyoraku signed off on it, and it should be once a week now,” she said when she sat down near the foot of the futon. “It’s official business, though, so if they tell me I have to talk to you about something specific while I’m here, I have to.”

Her expression didn’t fade, and his shoulders suddenly felt less heavy. “That should be pretty easy.”

“Yeah, well, you know me and ‘official business,’ right?” She laughed nervously. “Anyway… what’s happened since I was last here?”

He stretched out his legs and stared at his feet. “Well, did you hear I met with Ichigo and Isshin Kurosaki today?”

She frowned. “I heard Orihime had spotted you, but I didn’t hear about the meeting. How did that go?”

He hesitated, trying to remember the rules of engagement they had agreed to at the start of the meeting. “I don’t want to betray their confidence or anything, so I won’t go into specifics about what they said.”

He recounted his side of the conversation with Ichigo and Isshin, reaching the part where he had to account for injuring Hiyori. When he finished explaining what he had told them about attacking her, Rangiku’s eyes fell half-closed, and she shifted her legs, clearly unsure of what to say. “I had forgotten all about Hiyori’s injuries, I won’t lie,” she murmured. “You lost control, even though up until then you had really tried to stay out of the battle. It's like you completely failed to even consider how to reach your goal without… hurting other people.”

“Yeah. And I regret that, and I’m sure there’s going to be hell to pay for that, from Captain Hirako and Hiyori herself if it ever comes down to it. And that’s fine. I deserve it. It’s…” Gin ran his thumb over the hem of his sheets. “It’s almost like for a moment, I forgot how much I had tried to avoid killing people. I just panicked and went into war mode. Like if I didn’t see it through to the end and actually create the perfect chance to kill Aizen, then everything I would’ve done until then would’ve been for nothing.”

“Sunk cost fallacy.”

He looked up. “Huh?”

“Sunk cost fallacy. It’s a logical fallacy where you say ‘I’ve already done this much or spent this much, so I might as well go all the way!’” She shrugged. “I mean, I’m oversimplifying what you’re saying, but…”

“No, that’s basically it.” He avoided her gaze as his chest tightened. “I did… I did a lot more than I ever really realized, huh? It all added up, in time, even when I tried to avoid fighting people directly.”

He didn’t want to talk about Masaki Kurosaki, Isshin Kurosaki, and the parallels and what-ifs staring him in the face. They would cut through Rangiku if he said them out loud.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have met with Ichigo so soon. You don’t have to rush things when everyone’s emotions are still running so high,” she murmured.

“That’s kinda what Mr. Urahara said, but I don’t think it can be helped. It’s either face the music, or let mistrust fester between that group and this house,” he said, shaking his head. “I won’t put Mr. Urahara through that. Not after all he’s done to help.”

And, he thought, he himself deserved to be pushed around a little.

Rangiku’s eyes softened into a smile, and he felt himself relax a tiny bit. Even if she still had mixed emotions, he could live with that, if she at least trusted him enough to listen to him.

She was the most brilliant and wonderful person he knew. If she could look at him with even a shred of understanding, that was enough for him to claw his way forward.

He just couldn’t tell her everything he felt yet.

“Well, I trust that you’ll work on a way to atone for that,” she murmured. “Any other highlights? Or lowlights. Or anything.”

He shrugged. “That was the biggest thing out of that meeting.”

“Oh, I heard you saw Head Captain Kyoraku!”

“Yeah, and he was…” He thought for a moment. “He seemed open-minded. But I know he wants me to feel respected mainly so I stay out of trouble.”

Her eyes narrowed, and he immediately regretted telling her. “I mean, he didn’t say as much, but Mr. Urahara supposed as much,” he added. “He’s allowed to have multiple motives, so it doesn’t bother me.”

She opened her mouth, closed it again, and glanced away. “Mr. Urahara went to bat for me, though. Basically brought up all the messed-up things that have happened in the Soul Society, and something about Uryu Ishida even betraying your side for a minute during the war,” he continued.

She sighed. “Yeah. I didn’t hear the whole story on that, and it sounded like he never did anything major.”

“Injured Ms. Shihouin, by the sound of it.”

“Really? I hadn’t heard that.” She closed her eyes and raised a hand to her forehead. “Everything really happened so fast.”

Her eyes screwed shut for a moment, and he leaned forward. “Ran?”

“I’m fine. Just had a long day.”

He tilted his head, and when she opened her eyes and looked at him, he held her gaze. “You should get some rest,” he murmured. “We can talk more soon. I can’t let this wear you out.”

“There’s so much to talk about, though.”

“We have time. I’m exhausted too.”

“I’m only allowed to visit once a week. We have to make the most of this time.”

A faint smile crossed her face, and his heart felt lighter. He wanted to have them do something else - something that wouldn’t weigh on her. No leaden words; no consequences chained to them; no burdens to carry on their tired bodies.

But there was nothing else they could do in that house. He couldn’t even think of anything else meaningful to talk about.

“Let’s at least pause for a minute, shall we?” He stood and pulled the curtain farther open, letting sharp moonlight into the room. “We can’t see the stars from here, but the moon is nice, y’know?”

He sat down a few inches from it and waved her over. She walked over and sat delicately a foot and a half away from him, kneeling with her legs to one side, and they watched the yard and the moon and the nearby houses for several minutes.

He wished she would sit closer.  
\-------------------------------------

They talked about little else for the rest of the time she spent there. She knew he had been stalling when he invited her over by the window. Typical Gin, avoiding what needed to be said.

She couldn’t entirely blame him, though, if the meeting with the Kurosakis had gone anything like she imagined. Isshin was fair, but firm when he wanted to be. Ichigo had a strong sense of justice that one couldn’t just talk him out of.

And she wasn't even sure she was ready to talk about the horrific injuries he had inflicted on Hiyori, either.

She filled the silence by giving him a few minor updates about reconstruction, the gossip from the Women’s Association, and the odd rumors she had been hearing out of the Noble Houses, but there was so much she felt she couldn’t talk about. She didn’t want to talk about anything to do with Momo or Izuru yet - they still felt like taboo topics, even if the updates were lighthearted and funny.

As she noticed his eyes beginning to slide shut, she said: “Okay, maybe you should get some sleep.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who needs to get some sleep,” he murmured, smiling his familiar sly grin. “But as long as we’re on the same page that it’s late. I obviously don’t want to kick you out, but you've seemed tired for longer than I have.”

For a moment, she wondered if she could stay and just watch over him as he went to sleep. The thought filled her with a soft thrill, somewhere between longing and hope with a spark of joy running through it.

She wrestled with the idea. Toshiro had told her her visits were ‘official business’ and she was to ‘check in’ on Gin, but hadn’t defined what that meant.

It was too soon for any mixed signals between her and Gin, though. Her heart was chafed, raw, and still processing everything.

It was almost like she didn’t want to give him too much too fast.

He tilted his head, as if noticing her hesitation, and she smiled and pushed the half-finished thoughts away. “I do need to check in with Urahara before my midnight curfew, so I should go,” she said, standing. “I’m glad we don’t have to sneak around as much. This feels so much more… healthy, I guess.”

His eyes flickered a darker blue as he said: “It sure does. Thanks for everything, Ran.”

A dull heat grew in her stomach as she found herself unable to tear her gaze away for a moment. The moonlight washed the shadows away from him, restoring him to the pale, ghostly boy she had met in the wilderness. No sins; no regrets; no orders and no overlords to shape their fates.

Her fingers tensed and tightened, clutching nothing but air, and she murmured: “Good night, Gin. Try to sleep.”

“Good night.”

She left without another word. As she closed the door, she felt a familiar spiritual pressure to her right.

“How’d it go?” Kisuke whispered.

“Fine.” She gestured toward his kitchen. “A word, if you have a minute.”


	14. The Waltz, Part II

When the door was closed behind them in the dimly-lit kitchen, Kisuke said: “How much did he tell you?”

“I’m sure he left out some details about the meetings he’s had the past few days, but they sounded like they were… _productive_ , at least.” Rangiku wasn’t sure if that was the right word, but she let it remain.

“It was.” He looked up at her, but his eyes were hidden under his hat. “What do you need?”

She took a deep breath. “What’s the timeline for him being allowed out and about a little? He’s alone with his thoughts so much--”

“You don’t think he needs to be alone with them?”

Her tongue grew leaden. Although she couldn’t see his gaze, she could sense its hard, piercing edge.

“I don’t think he needs to be alone with them all day, every day,” she murmured.

“He’s not. We keep him busy enough.”

“Doesn’t sound like it to me.”

He tore his gaze away for a moment, but she could tell by his crossed arms that he wasn’t about to avoid the conversation.“I’ll be honest with you. I think he’s been slow to comprehend the depth of what he did, let alone really be sorry for it. I saw it today when he faltered in his meeting with the Kurosakis.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but he continued: “And I haven’t been given permission to go into detail about that meeting, but trust me, it was a lot about him and his feelings, and not nearly as much about the people he hurt. Toward the end it was, but not at the beginning. He’s still a man of inconsistencies and contradictions, and that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a chance, but it means he needs more time before he can earn even a basic level of trust.”

 _A basic level of trust._ The words stung more than she expected. She understood his point of view, even if she didn’t like to hear it. Gin’s relative stoicism spoke volumes, and if he couldn’t let down his guard around her, then he surely hadn’t convinced the others of any repentance just yet.

But she knew he would get there eventually. He _had_ to. He had changed, and he could be trusted with some amount of freedom, even if he hadn’t proved it yet.

“Now, it’s partly my fault for letting him be pushed into that meeting too soon. Neither you nor I should really be the ones facilitating this, either. But that’s a whole other discussion,” Kisuke added. “The point, though, is that he has come nowhere near having the right to be out and about.”

She nodded. "You do believe in him, though, right? You made it sound like you did when you first snuck me in here--"

"All due respect, Lieutenant... you're a little naive." His posture didn’t change, even as his speech slowed and grew more firm. "I didn't bring you here solely for Gin's sake. I brought you here to give him a reason to stay out of trouble."

The wind left her chest as if she had been thrown to the floor. She avoided his gaze, letting his words echo in her mind until they stabbed at her.

"I want to believe in him. And I mostly do. But I'm not going to advocate for any privileges that take him out of my sight just yet." He shrugged. "Well, mine, Tessai's, and Yoruichi's sights."

“He’s been through enough,” she whispered.

"He has, but he's also _done_ a lot. And you can't undo 100 years of damage in just a few weeks. Or months, or maybe even years."

Tears pricked her eyes, but she willed them back. Gin had been an accomplice to a century of Aizen’s plot - a century of horrible things - and she knew she had no right to argue with Kisuke’s logic. “I guess you're right."

“I’m not saying you’re wrong to work with and support him, and even advocate for him at times,” Kisuke said, his tone softening again. “He needs someone to. He sure as hell isn’t advocating for himself. But don’t get your hopes up, don’t be too loud, and don’t take it personally when people tell you 'no.'”

“You did just call me naive,” she muttered.

“You needed to hear that.”

She scowled at him, but she couldn’t feel fully angry. He was right, and at least he’d had the courtesy to tell her why.

She said her goodbyes, put the gigai away, and headed back. As she finally went to bed, she promised herself she was done having conversations with the others unless absolutely necessary. She would focus on Gin. That was the only way they could rebuild even a fragment of the future they could’ve had.

\---------------------------------------------------  
Five days passed. Rangiku had no meaningful updates on Gin’s condition or activities. Weekly visits had seemed generous at first, but the days in-between turned into an unbearable haze of paperwork, meetings, and a vague sort of strain that built between her and her Captain. His tone toward her was neither kind nor full of its usual nagging; it was like his oddly paternal side had worn off. Not that he had any right to be paternal or bossy in the first place, considering how much younger than her he was, but she found his newly calm, distant attitude to be disquieting.

The day before she was scheduled to visit Gin again, Toshiro summoned her to the office early in the morning. “I need you to go on a mission with two of our seated officers and some others from Squad 5 tonight,” he said, handing her a thick stack of papers. “There’s been some unrest in District 64 due to some unusual disappearances.”

She bit her lip as she thumbed through the papers. “Any clues?”

“It doesn’t look like Squad 12 was involved this time, but we’re not sure, so this mission is strictly confidential.” He met her gaze. “And it will take more than 24 hours - more than 72, really, by the time you get there, investigate and come back.”

She could read between the lines. She wouldn’t get to see Gin over the weekend.

“This also takes away from your ability to do reconstruction work, so we’re going to be backed up for a couple of days when you return,” Toshiro murmured. “I don’t like this either, so don’t complain to me.”

Maybe she wouldn’t get to see Gin at all the next week, by the sound of it. She nodded and tried to focus on the papers before her, but vague, haunting misery built inside her as she read, tearing the words from her mind before she could commit them to memory.

“Who else is going?” she asked.

“Haven’t decided from our squad. Pick three or four you prefer and I’ll let you know which of them I can spare.” He nodded to the papers. “The page who delivered those said Squad 5’s Lieutenant and six seated officers were going, though I don’t remember which ones.”

“So Momo’s going.” She sighed and stretched before glancing at the door. “Good. I haven’t seen her in quite a while. When do I need to make my picks by?”

“Within twenty minutes.”

“And when are we leaving?”

“You need to be at Squad 5 within three hours.”

She waved a hand, hoping to hide her dismay and annoyance. “Let me go grab a change of clothes; I’ll be right back with my picks.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Gin had slept fitfully, and he was sure it showed. When late afternoon came, he felt the urge to take a nap, but Kisuke had asked him to take care of some weeds in the garden. It had gotten cold again, and the crisp air bit at his hands before long.

When he stepped inside to grab gloves, he found Ururu at the kitchen table with a small basket of bread. “If it’s getting dark out, you should stop for the day,” she said. “Besides, Miss Inoue brought you a note. I put it in your room.”

He frowned. “Miss Inoue did?”

“Yeah. She brought us bread, too, but we should save it for after dinner.”

He thanked her and went to his room, where she had set the note on his folded futon. The white stationary had a bakery name and logo on it, and he wondered if Orihime must have written it while working.

The loopy handwriting inside read:

_Dear Mr. Ichimaru,_

_I'm really sorry about the other day. Now that I know the situation, I understand why you're there, and I'm not really startled or upset about it at all._

_Ichigo told me a lot about your meeting. I don't fully understand what he's thinking or feeling right now, but he seems to believe that it's okay that you're here. He reminded us that during the war with the Quincies - which it sounds like you heard about, even if you missed it - Uryu pretended to betray him for a little bit to get close to Yhwach._

_When he brought that up, I understood a little better why he had met with you. You were never unkind to me during my time in Hueco Mundo, so although I'm still processing everything, I want to see you make things right in the end._

_I hope you're doing alright. Ururu really likes these melon breads, so I sometimes bring over some leftovers when we have them. I'm sure I'll see you sometime soon!_

_Orihime Inoue_

He reread the letter twice before setting it back down. It felt somewhat surreal. She hadn’t come to the meeting, and since he technically wasn’t barred from having visitors altogether, Ururu wouldn’t have stopped her from seeing him if she had asked to. That told him that she hadn’t wanted to see him, or had been too scared to - and he couldn’t blame her.

Yet she had bothered to write such an honest, open letter.

_I want to see you make things right in the end._

If that was the message she had for him after talking with Ichigo, then maybe things weren’t as hopeless as they felt at times.

He went back into the hallway and saw Kisuke just as he was coming up from the basement. “Do you have a minute, Mr. Urahara?” he asked, walking quickly toward him.

Kisuke waved. “Only a minute right now. What’s up?”

“Well, it - we don’t have to talk about it right now.” Gin swallowed hard. “Please tell me more about Mr. Shiba - Isshin and Masaki Kurosaki."

Kisuke’s raised eyebrows were visible even under his hat. "I know the basics of how their lives continued, but I don't know everything that happened or why he stayed with her,” Gin said quickly.

"Why does it matter?" Kisuke asked, his voice low but steady.

"When Mr. Kurosaki brought her up, that's when I started to feel…” Gin paused, sorting through words and phrases in his mind. "It's not that Lieutenant Hinamori, Miss Kuchiki and the others didn't matter, it's that… It was different. It's hard to explain."

"I'm glad you asked, then." Kisuke headed for the front door. “I have to run right now, but let’s talk after dinner. There’s a lot you probably couldn’t have heard about, even from Aizen.”

“Thank you!”

There was no reply, but Gin felt a small flicker of relief in his heart. He had no idea if the conversation would result in anything tangible, but he knew it couldn’t hurt to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens!
> 
> The next chapter will largely gloss over the Isshin/Masaki conversation between Gin and Kisuke, because it's not going to contain anything substantial that wasn't explained in the flashbacks in TYBW. However, it will be referred back to later!
> 
> Next chapter WILL contain a critical interaction between Momo and Rangiku, so it may take me a while to write it, and it will probably be subject to some serious revisions eventually. Stay tuned though! Thanks for reading this far; I promise we're at least halfway through!


	15. The Waltz, Part III

The shacks and dirt roads of District 73 stood in stark contrast to the barracks and meeting rooms Rangiku had grown accustomed to, but they didn’t surprise her. She remembered the poverty and squalor of her youth.

They had been told to arrive in District 73 by sundown to stand guard over the entrance to a valley at the outskirts of town, and to only start scouting and interviewing locals the next morning. The first night of the mission was completely uneventful, with the seated officers rotating through guard duty throughout the night and the Lieutenants staying up late to finalize plans. This left Rangiku with little time to catch up with Momo, but she knew they’d have time the next night.

The day came and went, and as sundown approached, all the evidence and interviews with locals pointed to Hollow activity. Unusual, Rangiku thought, but not impossible, especially since the footprints and other evidence pointed to a single culprit. She and Momo sent a page back to Squad 5 with an update and began adjusting their plans.

“Three officers on each guard shift seems insufficient, don’t you think?” she murmured as she counted off on her fingers.

“We can’t really do more than that without stretching out the length of each watch, and my experience is that stretching it out leads to terrible fatigue the next day,” Momo replied. “If you feel strongly about it, I’m willing to try it, though. Hopefully Captain Hirako sends more people. We’re stretched pretty thin back at the barracks, though.”

“Yeah, so are we.” Rangiku stood and stretched, nearly hitting the top of the tent in the process. “We’ll keep it as it is, then. I’ll go check on the others. My seated officers are alright, but I’m not sure they’re as diligent as yours.”

“Yours seem just fine to me!” Momo said, smiling.

Rangiku smiled back. “When I get back, let’s catch up! I just wish we could have a bottle of sake--”

“You are incorrigible!”

Rangiku laughed, but Momo’s smile faltered. As Rangiku stepped out into the darkness, she wondered what exactly they should catch up about when she returned. She hadn’t done much since their last drinking party, other than work and see Gin.

And she sure as hell wasn’t ready to talk about Gin with her yet.

The guards were patrolling in a hundred-meter radius around the tent, and Rangiku could tell their approximate direction based on their spiritual pressure. She couldn’t quite see well enough to flash-step safely, especially as the woods grew deeper, so she slowed to a jog. As she was about to catch up with them, though, she saw a shadow flicker across the canopy of leaves above.

She drew her zanpakuto. “Identify yourself!”

“Easy, Rangiku, we’re backup.”

She whirled around to see a cat-like hooded figure crouched on a low branch in a tree behind her. The figure leapt down, threw its hood back, and beamed at Rangiku.

“Hey,” Yoruichi said, waving. “You having fun?”

“What are you doing here?” Rangiku murmured. “And how many of you are there?”

“I already told you, we’re your backup,” Yoruichi said. “There’s six of us from Squad 2. Hirako had put in a request for our help, but we weren’t able to get moving til this afternoon. We’ll even relieve your guards, since it’s about time for their shift to be over, right?”

Rangiku’s brow furrowed. “Since when are you…?”

“Since Soi Fon asked me to train some of her members who have potential to become seated officers. I agreed just for fun, and ‘cause I’m bored. And it’s kinda extending an olive branch, I guess.”

With a heavy sigh, Rangiku sheathed her zanpakuto. “Well, you gave me a heart attack, there! My boobs almost jumped out!”

“Well, at least there’s only us girls this direction.” Yoruichi jerked a thumb over her shoulder, in the direction Rangiku had come from. “You have someone else on your tail, by the way.”

Rangiku peeked around Yoruichi. A petite form moved out from behind a tree, and as Rangiku squinted, she could make out dark hair. “Momo?”

“Sorry,” Momo murmured, “I just wondered what was taking you so long--”

“Then why didn’t you show yourself?” Yoruichi asked.

Momo flinched, but her expression was resolute. Rangiku waved Yoruichi away and strode toward Momo. “Did you leave the tent unattended?” Rangiku asked. “I wasn’t even gone that long.”

“The Squad 2 team had just arrived. I wanted to let you know they had come.”

Momo was the world’s worst liar, Rangiku thought as she shot Yoruichi a skeptical glance. “Meet us back at the tent in a few minutes, okay?” Rangiku said as she walked back toward Momo.

Yoruichi flash-stepped away, and Momo turned back the way they had come. “You’re not gonna go check on the others?” Momo said quietly.

Rangiku hesitated before answering: “No need to, now that the others are heading out to relieve them.”

Momo didn’t reply, even after they had been walking for a solid minute. Rangiku knew the younger Lieutenant was hiding something, and their duties weren’t going to get any easier until they cleared it up.

A non-confrontational approach was best, she thought as she smiled at Momo. "You're kinda quiet."

"I'm just tired from this week."

Maybe _non-confrontational_ wasn’t the right word. A gentle questioning should work. "Momo, is there something we should talk about?"  
"No--"

"You're a terrible liar.” So much for gentle, Rangiku thought as Momo flinched. “Where'd you think I was going?"

“What?”

“You just gave two different excuses for following me, so let’s talk it out.”

Momo stopped a dozen meters from the tent and turned to face Rangiku fully. "I know this is the night you were supposed to be able to go see Gin Ichimaru. I wasn’t sure if you were also in touch with him via communicator or something, so when you stepped out saying you were going to check on the others, I..."

She trailed off, and Rangiku bit back a ripple of anger growing in her. "Who told you?"

"Toshiro."

Rangiku blew out a breath. She should have seen that coming, she thought as she nodded sharply. "Okay. I wish you would've just asked me. I’m sure you’re not thrilled about this situation, though."

"I've dealt with much worse. This... This is scary, but I have to wonder if it's scarier for you than it is for me,” Momo murmured.

"Huh?"

"You have something to lose. I don't."

Rangiku watched her colleague’s face for a long moment, hoping to read between the lines of the shadows cast by the trees. She didn’t want to get too far into that train of thought, and she hoped Momo would drop it. "Well, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said softly. “It's not even that I thought you would be scared, or even angry. I assumed you wouldn't be... ready for that yet."

"Why wouldn't I be ready for it?" Momo raised her head, her eyes glinting in the faint moonlight. "I know how complicated loyalty can be. And I know... I know how manipulative and horrible Aizen could be, too."

The words took a moment to sink in. Momo had a point. She was unlikely to ever fully forgive Gin, but she also had potential to understand at least some of what he did.

"Aizen had me in denial for months after he left, remember? I don't know how much Gin was or wasn't under his thumb, but... Aizen is powerful." Momo swallowed hard. "Maybe I'm not ready to forgive or even talk to Gin yet, after all, but... whatever you're dealing with, and whatever you're trying to do to make sense of it, I support you."

There was a strange, halting weakness in her voice, as if reading poorly-rehearsed lines from a script. Rangiku had to wonder how long ago Toshiro had told her.

The sting of not being told had to hurt. Momo was her closest friend in the entire Soul Society, and she was pretty sure Momo could say the same about her. If she hid anything anymore, that would surely be the end of their friendship.

Besides, she had to make an attempt to get Momo to really understand.

"Momo, tell me this: is it possible to love someone without trusting them?"

Momo’s eyes narrowed, and Rangiku felt a pang of regret at asking. "I don't know. Are you saying you love him?" Momo asked.

"I want to,” Rangiku mumbled.

"Do you love him? Or do you love what could have been?" 

A weight began to pull at Rangiku’s chest. She leaned against the tree behind her and avoided Momo’s gaze.

"For your sake, I hope you don't,” Momo continued, her voice hollow. “It's a horrible thing to say, and I know I just said I support you, but... it's easier to just let go."

She turned to head back to the tent. Rangiku almost called after her, but the words died on her lips.

As Momo entered the tent, Rangiku slowly followed, uncertain of anything other than the fact that she was going to have a long talk with Toshiro when she got back to the barracks.

\---------------------------------------------

Shortly before dawn, the guards caught the Hollow, a massive long-legged beast that was surprisingly fast for its size. Before Rangiku could even arrive on the scene, though, Yoruichi’s group had taken it down, its limbs nearly shredded by the force of their attacks. She was impressed and grateful for the backup.

“Are we sure there was only one?” Momo asked as they regrouped back at the tent. “The evidence as of yesterday pointed to that, but I’m not the expert on these.”

“I’m pretty sure your assessment is correct, based on the sketches of the footprints. These guys are rare,” one of her officers said.

“I agree,” Yoruichi said. “We were under orders to come back as soon as we think it’s resolved, so we’ll be heading out.”

“We will too.” Momo nodded to Rangiku. “Let’s pack up.”

Just a few hours too late, Rangiku thought as they packed up the tent and headed back through District 73. She could only hope Toshiro or the Head Captain would show some leniency and let her visit Gin tonight.

She wanted to spend more time with Momo, but she wondered if that relationship was still too fragile and needed time to heal.

\----------------------------------------

When they arrived back, Rangiku went straight to the Captain’s office after dropping off her bags. “Good work,” he said, not looking up from the papers on his desk. “Sounds like your three squads worked well together.”

She didn’t reply until he looked up. “What is it?” he said as she closed the door behind her.

“So how much did you tell Momo?”

Toshiro’s perpetual scowl deepened. “She had a lot of questions about the logistics and responsibilities, so I let her know that Urahara had it under control, with support from myself, Captain Kuchiki, and others.”

“I meant about me.”

“I told her the Head Captain had signed off on you visiting, and that you had one visit so far, and would be having weekly visits.”

“And you told her which night I would be going - or was supposed to go.”

He sighed and tilted his head, his gaze turning into a glare. “I happened to mention that to her before I knew about the mission.”

"Why did you tell her anything at all?" She was fighting to keep her voice level, but irritation crept into the last few words.

"I figured she might want to weigh in. And she has the right to know--"

"But why'd she have to hear it from you, without you consulting with me first? Stop interfering!"

"This hardly counts as interfering, Lieutenant! If I really wanted to interfere I could have assigned spies to tail you the minute Ichimaru was sent to the World of the Living!"

Her breath caught. She felt heat rise to her face, and she waited perfectly still as he continued: "But I decided if I did that, I would risk losing your trust forever. And like I've said before, we've already lost enough."

He knew. He _definitely_ knew that she had visited Gin in secret. He had probably figured it out as soon as he had found Kon in her room.

He just couldn't prove it - and he apparently had given up on trying to. But he would never say that within the four walls of that office.

"I'm not trying to get in the way. But we just don't have time to prioritize those visits right now.” He jabbed a finger at the calendar on the wall. “I’ll do my best to honor the visit time this week. I can’t move it up any earlier, because there are too many evening meetings this week.”

“Can I go tonight?” she murmured.

“No, because the Head Captain said he wants to see written reports about your visits from now on, and wants to see one about last week's.”

Another flash of anger sparked inside her. She wondered if the lack of sleep during her mission had gotten to her. “And when does he need it by?”

“ASAP.” Toshiro held out a piece of paper. “It doesn’t have to be long. Do your version of the mission report now, then work on the report about your visit, then be here first thing tomorrow to sign off on Squad 5’s report.”

She fought back the fatigue growing in her bones as she took the paper and sat down on the couch. There were mixed emotions boiling and overflowing inside her again, but she pushed them aside and tried to focus.

She could think later. She had all week to think, after all.


	16. The Waltz, Part IV

The night of Rangiku’s scheduled visit came and went. Kisuke told Gin that she had been sent on an urgent mission, but Gin didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. He wanted to see her, but with the state of things in the Soul Society, he understood that her duties came first.

Plus, he had a lot on his mind. Kisuke had walked him through the history of the Kurosakis, starting with Masaki’s status as a Quincy and working all the way through her murder at Yhwach’s hands years later. Gin had been familiar with the basics, of course, but he had never realized just how much had transpired in such a short time.

What haunted him the most was that Masaki hadn’t even been expecting anything of Isshin. He had just done what he needed to in order to protect her.

Rangiku had been expecting a lot more of Gin, and he had failed to do any of it.

Before Gin turned in for the night the day after Rangiku was supposed to come, Kisuke looked up from his newspaper and said: “Yoruichi’s going to the Soul Society first thing tomorrow. It sounds like Lieutenant Matsumoto won’t manage to come until Saturday, so you could always write her a letter if you want to reach out sooner.”

Gin hesitated. He knew that anything he sent in writing would likely be read by either Yoruichi or an officer, possibly Toshiro even.

But it was better than waiting another six days to sort through what was on his mind. He fetched a pen and a piece of paper from the messy supply closet in the hall, then retreated to his room and used the old floor desk in the corner to write.

He stared at the paper for several minutes, twirling the pen between his fingers.

_Dear Rangiku,_

Wait, was that too formal? Too late; he’d already written it in pen. He was going to have to think carefully before each line.

_How are you? Was your mission okay? I’m sure you can’t tell me anything about it, but that’s fine._

_It was a little lonely without you this weekend, but Jinta and I played a little baseball again in the yard, which was nice. He’s a tough kid, but he’s been nicer to his sister and me lately._

He stopped to think again. He didn’t want to waste her time with formalities, but he didn’t want to weigh her down with serious matters too much, either.

_Miss Inoue wrote me a little note and slipped it in with the bread she dropped off for Ururu earlier this week. It seems whatever Ichigo Kurosaki said to her made her at least somewhat sympathetic_

He stopped. That wasn’t the right word. He considered crossing it out, but just put a comma after it instead.

_well, maybe that’s not the right word, but she at least doesn’t hate me. I don’t know anything about how the others in their group feel, but getting that note from her was helpful. I haven’t replied or anything yet, and I’m not sure if I should, or if I should maybe wait and try to say something to her the next time she visits._

He paused again as he shifted into a cross-legged position. This letter was going to take a while.

\---------------------------------------------------

Rangiku stayed in the office until late, went to bed, and came back first thing the next morning. The work stretched on for hours again, starting when Momo arrived with her report and ending with yet another meeting about the status of reconstruction.

She hadn’t even had time to follow up with Momo after their hurried conversation in the woods. Momo’s words clung to her, and she heard them echoing even as they talked about the mission and rebuilding and budgets and mundane things. It felt like Gin’s very existence would become a taboo topic again.

When she got back to her room, her heart skipped a beat as she saw an envelope on her pillow. She raced over to it and opened it without any concern for how it had gotten there.

_Dear Rangiku,_

She only had to see the sharply-angled handwriting to know who it was from. She skimmed through the first few lines, slowing to note Orihime’s response to his presence. She made a note to talk to Orihime herself the next time she could.

_Anyway, there was a part of my meeting with the Kurosakis that I didn’t mention to you last time we met. I needed a few more days to process it. I’m sorry for leaving it out._

_Did you ever hear the story of how Isshin and Masaki met? I was with Aizen when his Hollow attacked Isshin and subsequently injured Masaki._

Rangiku’s breath caught in her throat, and she turned and sat down on the bed as she reread the line. She knew her former Captain had some kind of run-in with Hollows, and that Aizen was suspected to be involved, but she had never connected Masaki’s injury.

_Isshin ended up saving Masaki by agreeing to be bonded to her half-Hollowfied form, preventing her from Hollowfying fully. I didn’t understand all the details of it, but he ended up agreeing to sacrifice his powers save her even though he had just met her. He was that into her._

_Anyway, when that even came up briefly during the meeting with the Kurosakis, I started thinking a lot about how Isshin handled it. He committed himself to staying with her and protecting her. Based on what Mr. Urahara said after the meeting, Isshin didn’t even think about seeking revenge or anything._

She forced herself to read each word instead of skipping ahead. Where was he going with this?

_I’m sorry. I could have stayed with you and protected you instead of chasing revenge. And I know I’ve already apologized for that before, but I felt like it was worth repeating. I guess I gained some clarity from that meeting, and I’m not explaining it well, but I understood something else about the gravity of it all._

_I don’t know if you’ll be able to send a letter back before this weekend, especially with how busy you are. I also don’t know Miss Shihouin’s schedule for going in and out of the Soul Society. Please don’t stress out about writing back. If nothing else, we’ll just talk more this weekend._

_Stay safe, Rangiku._

_Gin_

She reread the entire letter twice. Why had he written all that out? Was it that much easier to write it instead of saying it out loud? Or was it just because they had missed their meeting for that week and he wanted to tell her as soon as possible?

Maybe it was both. Either way, though, she sort of wished she had heard it from his lips.

She laid back, letting her legs stay hanging over the edge of the bed. Tears welled up, but stayed stubbornly in place when she closed her eyes.

She stayed that way for barely a minute before springing to her feet and rummaging around in her closet for paper. She didn’t even have a proper desk; she had used the valuable floor space for a small vanity and mirror.

But she found paper and a pen and sat on the vanity bench to write her response, pushing her hairbrush and lipstick aside as she readied her pen.

_Dear Gin,_

That sounded formal, but how else was she supposed to open a letter to someone who mattered so much to her?

_I’m so sorry I couldn’t come this weekend. I promise it wasn’t anything Toshiro did on purpose; it was just a sensitive mission that needed officers on it._

She decided not to mention Momo. That would be best discussed in person, if she decided to bring it up at all.

_Thanks for writing to me. I’m not sure how exactly your letter got into my room, but based on what you said about Yoruichi, I’m guessing she delivered it._

She sighed and looked up in the mirror. She aged slowly, like all Soul Reapers, but she could see the first imperfections beginning to appear in her face. There were tiny lines by her eyes and deeper furrows in her brow when she frowned, both of which she had tried to prevent by staying hydrated and using beauty creams over the years.

All for _him._ All to try to stay beautiful for the day she believed he would stop running around doing whatever the hell he was doing and make time for her.

She had stopped worrying about it nearly as much after he had defected. After the horrors of the war, she cared about it even less. She was just lucky they were both alive.

She felt tears well up again, and she jerked her gaze downward to stare at the paper again.

_Thanks for the update on Orihime. I’m glad she wrote that. I’ll try to see her next time I get the chance. Her and I were pretty close during my stay there--_

She suddenly remembered Gin might not know much about her time staying there.

_\-- which I guess I might need to tell you more about the next time I’m there. It’s a long story. I even stayed at Orihime’s house. Toshiro slept on the roof instead of joining us! Can you believe it?_

She tapped the pen on the vanity. Her tone sounded almost too casual for that type of letter.

_Anyway, thank you for telling me about the Kurosakis. I had heard bits and pieces of their history. I don’t blame you for not talking to me about it right away after the meeting._

_You don’t have to keep apologizing for everything._

She raised her pen to scratch out the line, then stopped. It was a fair statement. She just didn’t want to dissuade him from speaking honestly to her.

_I mean, I appreciate you taking the time to convey how you felt and how you reflected on it. But please don’t let that guilt weigh on you._

Her pen remained in place over the period. She had yet to say the words “I forgive you” yet - and she wouldn’t, for the time being. She still had to sort through the difference between “forgiveness” and “trust” and “want” and “longing” and “love”--

But she felt that she was close. The understanding was there, clawing its way free from a cage in the back of her mind, just inches from breaking into the light.

Momo’s words echoed again in her mind: _"Do you love him? Or do you love what could have been?”_

She silenced Momo’s voice and raised her pen.

_I’m going to do everything in my power to see you this weekend. It’s late Monday night now, and I’m going to carry this letter with me until I get to see Yoruichi or even Urahara somehow. Hopefully it reaches you soon._

_Take care of yourself, and don’t dwell on things too much._

_Rangiku_

She folded the letter into neat thirds, just the way Gin’s had been folded in the envelope. She didn’t have a new envelope, so she fastened the letter shut with a bobby pin and set it on her dresser.

As she walked to the bathroom to shower off, she fought the urge to just sneak out and use the office phone line to call the Urahara residence. There was no point in pressing her luck. She already had plenty of it, and she needed to use it wisely, lest she lose it all.


	17. The Waltz, Part V

By late evening on Tuesday, Gin had finished reading the final volume of one of Jinta’s mangas. It was the second long-running shonen series he had finished reading in his time under house arrest.

He returned the manga to Jinta and returned to his room just in time to see Yoruichi stride down the hall. “Mail call,” she said nonchalantly as she pressed a piece of paper into his hand.

The plain honey-blonde bobby pin holding the letter shut made the sender obvious. “You saw her today? That was fast,” he murmured.

“Yeah, and she was ready for me too. Just reached in her kosode and--” Yoruichi reached her hand down the front of her shirt in an exaggerated manner. “Pop! Pulled it out like this while I was at the Women’s Association offices.”

He winced, trying to hide his blush as he fumbled with his bedroom door. “Well, thanks! I appreciate it a lot!” he said, waving before shutting the door.

He set the bobby pin on the weathered floor desk before opening the letter and reading through it. The contents didn’t surprise him. He knew Rangiku better than she realized - better than he wanted to admit, considering how much he had spied on her and everyone else in the Soul Society over the past century.

_You don’t have to keep apologizing for everything._

Those weren’t the words he wanted to see. He knew he didn’t have a chance in hell of seeing what he wanted to, though.

He flicked his wrist and tossed the letter onto the desk, then immediately regretted it. Rangiku’s words deserved a bit more respect than that. He reread it, scanning each line for hesitation marks, words she had written more carefully than others, any sign of the intention lurking behind her faded blue eyes.

He couldn’t read her like he used to.

He set it down gently, as if it might crumble, and headed back out. It was Tuesday afternoon. He had time to write a response, but he decided to hold off until the next night, when he might have more to say.

\--------------------------------------------

Two days came and went. Rangiku was overwhelmed, with paperwork and meetings and pages and Hell Butterflies everywhere every time she turned around. It wasn’t even that anything new had happened; it was that a few months’ work of miscommunications between Squads had all piled up in strange ways that had even Toshiro about to pull his hair out. She couldn’t even slack off and go drinking like usual - if she didn’t show up for something, things would fall apart even worse.

Gone were the almost-halcyon days of mundane budget meetings and silly side projects that would make Toshiro feel better - all before Aizen’s betrayal. These days were indeed the aftermath of a war: brutal, unsightly, unprecedented, and without a playbook to show the teams what to do.

Late Thursday night, after yet another urgent meeting, Rangiku slipped back to her Captain’s office to provide a quick update. “If that’s all, then I’ll turn in for the night and be back first thing tomorrow morning,” she said when she had finished.

“Thanks for all the hard work,” Toshiro said as he glanced through her notes. “By the way, you know we have a policy against pets in the barracks themselves, right? If you want to feed a stray, at least keep it in the storage area by the training grounds.”

Rangiku tilted her head. “Huh?”

“One of the seated officers saw the cat going into your room earlier.” His eyes flicked up to meet hers. “Don’t try to guess which officer; they don’t deserve to have you mad at them.”

“I don’t have a--” She stopped and put her hands on her hips. “A black one, right?”

“Yeah--”

“Thanks, Captain!” She turned and ran out of the room, not even stopping when he hollered after her.

Sure enough, there was a letter resting on her pillow. This time, there was a small “Paid” sticker holding it closed instead of an envelope. He must have swiped that from the store, she thought as she opened the letter to see Gin’s handwriting again.

The letter didn’t contain any of the deep, thoughtful reflections of his previous letter. It only had mundane updates: he had finished reading some manga she had never heard of; he had helped out around the shop a lot; Byakuya had come by for a quick check-in and still said nothing to him; Jinta had badly damaged one of the catnip plants growing in the backyard and Yoruichi was about to kill him.

The letter was dated Wednesday morning. Rangiku realized Yoruichi must have been too busy to deliver it sooner. Although her eyes ached and begged her to sleep, she pulled out another piece of paper and wrote a quick reply.

_Dear Gin,_

_Thanks for your letter. It’s Thursday night here; it sounds like Yoruichi snuck into my room to deliver it sometime today. I hope this will reach you before Saturday night. If not, we’ll just discuss it in person._

_It sounds like you’ve mostly settled in there. Maybe you can help keep the peace between Yoruichi and Jinta._

_I have no interesting updates from my end. The past few days have been hectic. I haven’t slacked off half as much as usual, because now, things actually matter. Everyone’s overwhelmed, and if I slack off, there’s nobody there to catch all the pieces that will fall._

_Head Captain Kyoraku and all the other Captains are doing their best. There’s just no playbook for the aftermath of a war._

She paused to rub her eyes. She had almost misspelled “aftermath” by leaving out the first _t_. She wanted to apologize for keeping the letter short because of her exhaustion, but she knew that would only worry him.

_Please take care of yourself, and don’t worry about me. Keep writing, though. It definitely gives me something to look forward to at the end of each day._

_See you Saturday. If you don’t get this until late Friday, don’t worry about writing back. I have no idea what Yoruichi’s schedule is, but I’ll take this by the Women’s Association office just like I did with the last letter._

She let her pen hover over the page for several seconds before simply signing it “Rangiku.” Once she had closed it with another bobby pin, she hurried to shower, hoping she could at least stay awake long enough to rinse the shampoo out of her hair.

\----------------------------------------------

Saturday finally came. She had left the letter at the Women’s Association Friday morning, knowing that there was no way she could risk Yoruichi sneaking into the barracks again, but she never heard whether Yoruichi managed to pick it up. She hurried through her day, and when the last meeting was finally finished, she hurried to open a Senkaimon to head over.

She had been given permission to use the front door instead of the side door, and as she rang the doorbell, she heard a window creak open upstairs. “The old man will let you in,” Jinta called, “so just wait a-- Huh?”

Rangiku felt a familiar presence behind her, and she whirled around. Ten feet behind her, another Senkaimon surged into view, its light casting long shadows across the evening half-darkness. 

“Sorry, Rangiku, but I have to insist on seeing him too,” said a voice.

She recognized the voice even before her eyes adjusted to the glow. Izuru Kira strode out wearing his usual uniform and Lieutenant’s armband matching hers, his face sharply shadowed in the harsh light.

“Izuru,” she hissed, “what are you even doing here? What happened--”

“Nothing in particular. I just decided I wanted a word with him.” He stepped across the street as he nodded toward the shop. “And if you’ve gotten to have your word with him, isn’t it fair that I get mine?”


	18. The Waltz, Part VI

As the Senkaimon faded behind Izuru, the street seemed to go dark for a moment. Once Rangiku’s vision adjusted again, she searched his expression, but saw only determination etched into his eyes.

“Who even told you--” She stopped. She already knew the answer. “Momo?”

“Don’t be mad at her. We had the right to know.” Izuru stepped toward the shop. “I’m not mad at you, by the way--”

The front door of the shop slammed open, making Rangiku jump. She whirled around to see Kisuke standing in the doorway, a plastic smile radiating from below his hat.

"Don't make a scene, Lieutenant Kira," Kisuke said softly. "I'll allow you in as long as you behave yourself."

“Did you follow me here or something?” Rangiku asked as Izuru passed her.

“More or less.” Izuru didn’t look at her as he walked past, but she felt his spiritual pressure ripple like water struck by a stone.

Inside, Kisuke disappeared to fetch a gigai for Izuru, and Rangiku fetched her own from the closet before hurrying to Gin’s room. When she opened the door, he greeted her with a warm smile, his silver hair dim in the lamplight he was reading by. “Hi,” he said, waving. “I got your letter, but Yoruichi said she wouldn’t be back before…”

He trailed off, as if he had noticed the strain in her expression. “Izuru’s here to see you,” Rangiku murmured as she closed the door behind her. “He followed me.”

Gin’s eyes widened, their sky-blue hue cutting through the low light. “Well, I can’t say I blame him,” he said as he set the book aside. “Who sent him?”

“He came on his own.”

“He knew you were coming?”

There was an unspoken question within his question. Rangiku swallowed hard as she remembered she still hadn’t told him about Momo knowing.

“It seems Momo knows about our visits now.” Rangiku stepped closer, hoping she would get to sit down and rest her weary legs. “I’m guessing she told him.”

He glanced toward the window. “I’ll see him, if he wants,” he murmured. “I wish I would’ve had a little more warning, though.”

She stepped closer still and knelt next to him. “You don’t have to. He didn’t even try to have a conversation with me or Urahara about it first, it seems--”

There was a soft tap on the door, and they both turned to face it. Kisuke’s face appeared, without his previous forced smile. “We put Lieutenant Kira into a gigai,” he said, his voice low.

Rangiku turned back around to see Gin. His eyes had closed, and she could tell he was sorting through his options. "Rangiku... I'm sorry to cut into our time together, but could you leave me alone with him for a little bit?" he said after several seconds.

Her heart grew heavy, but she nodded and stood up. “That’s fair,” she whispered.

He looked up at her, and she could tell by his worried gaze that he knew she was forcing a level face. She walked out and immediately headed for the kitchen, ignoring Izuru’s new body standing in the hallway.

She found Yoruichi sprawled out on the floor of the dining room with a bag of potato chips and a bottle of sake set on the table. “Oh, you giving them a minute?” Yoruichi asked.

“Gin asked, so it’s not like I have a choice.” The door to the hallway was still open, but anger flared within Rangiku as she realized she didn’t care if Izuru overheard.

Yoruichi blinked twice before patting the tatami floor next to her. “Izuru’s tactics were kinda shitty, but you knew it was only a matter of time before he showed up,” she said. “Close the door.”

Rangiku did as asked before flopping down on the floor next to her hostess. “I’d grabbed a second cup for Kisuke, but he can wait,” Yoruichi said as she nudged a small sake cup toward Rangiku.

“Thanks. Hopefully I won’t be here long.”

Yoruichi poured their cups full to the brim. "Soi Fon and I had to have a bit of a reckoning after my return. Granted, I didn't do half the things Gin did, but..." She shrugged as she set the bottle down. "Her anger at me wasn't invalid. Her perception of what happened wasn't completely valid, but it wasn’t totally invalid, either. I know your time is limited, but trust me, they need to have this talk, if only for Izuru’s sake."

"I know. I just wish Izuru would've trusted me enough to talk to me first." Rangiku raised her cup to meet Yoruichi's, and stray drops of sake slipped down the side, soaking her fingers and leaving them sticky.

When she downed the sake, it warmed her mouth and body, but did nothing for the cold unease creeping into the corners of her mind. As soon as she set the cup down, Yoruichi refilled it. "I'm not getting you drunk, but I know you've had a helluva week," Yoruichi said. "Mine wasn't much better. Soi Fon's been going through it."

"I keep telling myself it'll have to get better eventually." Rangiku sighed and left the cup alone. "It has to. It will."

\---------------------------------------------------

Gin could tell by the thin sheen of sweat on Izuru's forehead that he wasn't ready for the conversation. He didn't sense fear, but there was a deep, unsettling nervousness that seemed to rest in Izuru's very bones, shrinking him down to a thin shell of his usual self.

"Relax, Lieutenant," Gin murmured. "I knew this day would come. You can speak your mind."

Izuru swallowed hard and leaned forward. "I'm hurt, still. And that won't change."

"That's fair."

"Just listen, please," Izuru hissed, his eyes narrowing. "I don't think you deserve to be locked up for the rest of your life, but I’m still unsure of who you even are, anymore.”

Gin’s breath caught, but he forced himself not to respond. Izuru had said to listen.

“I know you got into things when you were still really just a kid. I’ve heard the explanations from, like, five different people--” Izuru waved a hand toward the hall. “Not from Rangiku, actually. I think everyone but her.”

Gin tilted his head, and Izuru answered the unspoken question: “Her and I hadn’t spoken a single word about all this since before the trial.”

Gin nodded. Rangiku had avoided mentioning everyone other than her own Captain and the occupants of Urahara’s house in her conversations. She had usually only discussed others when Gin had brought them up first.

And he had deliberately avoided bringing up Izuru.

"So you did all this for her, basically? Was she the only person in the world, to you?" Izuru hissed, his eyes narrowing. “Because I exist too, and I did a lot for you - including while you were in the middle of following Aizen out of the Soul Society! Hell, I fought Momo because of you!”

There was a resounding silence. Gin shook himself out of the faint fog that had settled into his mind just long enough to realize that Izuru was actually expecting an answer.

"I know. You should be angry. But I cared about you, too, by the time I left,” Gin murmured. "I won't lie - I didn't care at first. Not at all. But by the end, there was a little..."

Izuru’s eyes narrowed further, and Gin reminded himself to be honest. There was no sense in trying to flatter his former Lieutenant. "It didn't feel right, just leaving you. I justified it to myself at the time, just like I justified everything else, but there was doubt there," Gin murmured.

"So you cared, but not as much as you cared about killing Aizen.”

"Yeah.” Gin nodded. “That's a pretty accurate statement."

Izuru opened his mouth to reply but closed it again, and they sat in thick silence for several seconds. "I wish you would've trusted me to help, sir,” he finally said, his blond hair falling in his face as his head dipped lower. "I was your Lieutenant. I would have believed you. I would have fought him."

"I know. Rangiku basically said the same thing about herself, and I know it's true for you, too." Gin hesitated before adding: “By the way, you didn’t tell her you were coming, did you?”

“Nope.”

“Can I ask why not?”

“She didn’t deserve the courtesy, after leaving Momo and I out of the loop.” Izuru shrugged, but his eyes were still icy. “That’s not important, though. We’re talking about you.”

Gin forced himself to meet Izuru’s gaze, but the Lieutenant looked away. “Although now that I’m here, I wonder what the point is,” Izuru continued. “You’re not a monster, but I can’t just move on from the things you did. I can’t treat you like you’re _you_ anymore.”

Gin wasn’t surprised. The wielder of Wabisuke was never one for easy forgiveness; he held himself and others around him to high standards. He didn’t have the same eye for rules as the Captains of Squads 6 and 10, of course, but he had an eye for morals that had grown and matured in countless ways over the years.

So if he was the one judging Gin, then there was no reason to expect mercy.

“You were so ruthless,” Izuru murmured. “How much of that was really just a mask? How much of that was just to gain Aizen’s trust?”

“I’m still wondering the same thing myself.”

“And you know--” Izuru bit his lip, his eyes glimmering for a split second before he lowered his head again. “I’m still mad at myself for not realizing something was up. And I shouldn’t, because it’s your fault.”

“You shouldn’t. It is my fault, and I’m sorry.”

The words echoed in Gin’s heart, but he knew they still sounded hollow when spoken out loud. He had apologized so many times in recent weeks that it had begun to feel like a routine, even though this apology was more important than many of the others.

His own Lieutenant - someone who had nothing to do with Aizen's plot, and who had depended on Gin for guidance and support, not just orders. Izuru should have mattered, and that was something Gin couldn’t repair with apologies.

“Raise your head, Lieutenant,” Gin whispered. “I’m the one who should be hanging my head, here.”

\---------------------------------------------------

Rangiku felt a pleasant buzz settling in by the time Kisuke pulled the door open again. “Lieutenant Kira just left,” he said softly. “You can probably go in, if you want.”

“Super!” She looked at the clock on the wall; it had been less than twenty minutes. Deep down, she knew that the conversation hadn’t gone well, but she put on her best cheerful face anyway, ignoring the knot that had started to grow in the stomach.

She thanked Yoruichi and went to Gin’s room, letting herself in after a quick knock. Gin was seated by the window in the far corner of the room, and he didn’t acknowledge her immediately when she entered. The lamp by the bed had been left on, but at that late hour, it wasn’t enough to allow her to see his face properly.

She hesitated as she reached behind her to shut the door. “Hey. Can I come in?”

He looked up, and the yellow light of the lamp caught on his eyes, twisting them from their usual icy blue. “Yeah,” he said, patting the tatami next to him. “Sorry, I should grab a floor pillow--”

“I got it, don’t worry.” The nearest one was by the floor desk, and she wondered if Izuru had even sat down during his visit. Perhaps he had stood, or even paced, unable to act as a guest in the presence of his former Captain.

Not that she could blame him. She decided it was better not to ask either of them about the conversation that had just transpired. She could feel its grip squeezing the life out of the room still, and could see its weight on Gin’s thin shoulders as he glanced up at her.

She sat down clumsily, nearly twisting her knee at a strange angle, and she said: “Sorry. Yoruichi gave me sake.”

The line between Gin’s lips stretched sideways for a brief instant. It wasn’t a real smile, though.

“I promise, I don’t normally drink before these meetings,” she added.

“I know.” This time, his smile grew a little more. “Long week?”

“Hell, it felt like a month. But I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, well…” He trailed off and stared out the window. “Me neither.”

His cheeks were tinged with pink, and she wondered just what the conversation had been like. She hadn’t heard any yelling. Then again, Izuru didn’t need to yell to get his point across.

“Tell me everything I missed.” Gin turned slightly toward her, sending fresh shadows over his face. “All the good things.”

“The good things?”

“The sorts of trouble you all got into while I was…” He waved a hand. “Just not around.”

“Like, Academy stories?”

“Yeah. I was only there for a year, so I didn’t get to have much fun.”

She sighed. It was nice to take a break from talking about the disasters that had befallen them in the past few years, but it almost felt unfair to just avoid the topic they hated most. They could talk about it another time, though, she told herself as she crossed her legs. He had already done enough emotional labor for the night.

"I stumbled upon Kyoraku and Ukitake drinking sake in a tree near the Academy one time when I was out past curfew. Did I ever tell you this story?"

He wrinkled his nose. "Captain Ukitake? In a tree?"

"I never got to ask him how the hell that happened. He was pretty drunk - like, speech so slurred I couldn't understand him, but also really loud. I was worried he'd fall. I almost think Kyoraku tricked him into climbing up there."

He finally smiled, and the anxiety clinging to her heart was replaced by a warm, unfamiliar feeling. “I mean, I didn’t get close enough to really hear or see them properly, so that’s all there is to the story. I’m sure they sensed me, though, and just didn’t bother checking on me,” she murmured. "Some of my best stories are from after I graduated, and while Izuru, Renji and Momo were there. I definitely heard some wild shit from them at parties."

“Oh, this’ll be good.” He leaned back, resting his palms on the tatami. “Let’s hear ‘em.”


	19. The Waltz, Part VII

Three hours flew by. Rangiku’s buzz gave her enough energy to talk at length, taking care to recount each detail of her life’s highlight reel with enough zeal to make him laugh. It didn’t always work; she could see fatigue in the way his lips fell back into place after just a moment of laughter.

Occasionally, she would recount a story that Izuru had already told Gin at some point. Those moments would make Gin look slightly wistful for a moment, his brow furrowing and his gaze turning toward the window again.

Sometimes, he even looked like he wanted to run away.

But by the end of her last anecdote of drunken shenanigans, he had smiled properly several times. “I think that was the only time I’ve ever heard Soi Fon literally meowing,” she murmured as he smiled enough to show a tiny flash of teeth. “I mean, it was Yoruichi’s first time drinking with us in a long time, so I’m not surprised Soi Fon got a little carried away, but…”

She paused for a moment before lowering her voice. “Hey, are Kisuke and Yoruichi a thing?” she whispered, jabbing a finger toward the door.

He leaned back, surprised. “I, uh - I try to mind my business around here.”

“You should try to find out, though! Give me some gossip!”

He only smiled in response. She sighed, and they fell silent for several seconds. She wasn't ready to go yet, but she could sense his energy fading again.

“Before I have to leave for the night… I owe you an apology,” she murmured.

The last traces of his smile faded. “Why?”

“You got really ambushed tonight, partly because I didn’t even try to smooth things over with Izuru and Momo.”

He was staring out the window again. “That’s not your job. That’s mine, if they want to give me the chance.”

She watched his face. “I guess you’re right. Maybe it was selfish of me to not tell them I was seeing you, though.”

“Maybe it was, but I can’t make that call.”

She could feel a dull ache building at the corners of her eyes, and when she paused to rub them, he continued: “You need to go sleep.”

“But--”

“No buts! I’m about to fall asleep too.” He smiled, but it was forced. “This is the most excitement I’ve had in days.”

He scooted toward the futon. “Is that futon okay? It looks thin,” she asked.

“It’s fine, I promise.” He pulled the sheets back and crawled in, shooting a smirk at her. “See? I’ll even be able to sprawl out a bit when it warms up in the summer!”

She watched as he pulled the sheets up to his chin. “Your eyes are drooping a bit, Ran. You should get some sleep,” he said. “Too bad you can’t sleep here.”

“Wha--” She crossed her arms, but she felt an unfamiliar glow settle into her stomach. She hadn’t heard him joke like that in a very long time. “Whatever! And I’m not that tired! I’m not that old yet! I can stay up late still, even after a long workday--”

“Who said anything about you getting old?”

Her lips scrunched together, and he grinned impishly. “I still can stay awake another thirty minutes,” she murmured.

“Go on and get some rest.” He smiled. “I’m pretty exhausted, anyway. Jinta gets up early ‘cause he still has baseball practice most days, and he’s not the quietest kid in the world.”

“Even on Sundays? Tell that kid I’ll smack him if he keeps you from getting enough sleep,” she murmured.

His smile widened further. “Right now, you’re the only one keeping me from getting enough sleep.”

There was a hint of teasing beneath the surface of his line, but she didn’t dare dive into it. She wanted to stay. She wanted to _tell_ him how much she wanted to stay.

She felt like she was being pushed out, but she knew it probably wasn’t her fault - or his.

Instead, she let her fingers glide over his bangs, cherishing the static that seemed to rush out to warm her fingertips. He watched her eyes, not her fingers, and it took every ounce of self-control she had to not touch the rest of his face.

She wanted to blame the sake, but that had worn off at least an hour ago.

“Fine, I can take a hint,” she murmured, pulling her hand away. “Goodnight.”

His lips parted, and his gaze finally shifted to her hand. “Goodnight,” he said as his eyes closed. “Promise me you’ll get some rest.”

“I will.” She lingered a few seconds longer, and he cracked one eye open to look at her. “Goodnight,” she said again.

It felt incomplete, but she couldn’t place how. The sensation of his hair beneath her fingers had left them trembling, and she wanted to--

_No._

She couldn’t. She was drawing way too close, with how much was still left unaddressed and unresolved with the others.

But then again, why should she base her own feelings on what others thought? Did she have a moral obligation to them, more than she did to Gin?

She left quickly after that, forcing herself to close the door firmly behind her once she was in the hallway. Her head hurt, and she knew she didn’t want to go back to the barracks right away. Instead, she pivoted and headed out the front door of the shop, taking care to latch it closed again behind her. She would worry about returning the gigai later.

After significantly more flash-stepping than she was used to, she arrived outside a familiar apartment building and climbed to the second-story balcony. The curtains were drawn and there was no light visible inside, but she could only sense one person within.

She tapped lightly on the glass. There was a sharp “Eek!” inside, and the curtains jerked open, revealing two brown eyes sharply reflecting the streetlights.

She was lucky it was still Orihime’s apartment. She waved, and after a long pause, Orihime mouthed something at her. Rangiku was terrible at reading lips, so she waved a hand in a vague, door-opening motion.

Orihime slid the balcony door open. “Miss Matsumoto!” she said, her voice a high whisper. “What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rangiku said. “I wanted to catch up. I don’t have long, though.”

"Why didn't you use the front door?"

Rangiku shrugged. "Wanted to be sure you still lived here and not some random person."

Orihime finally smiled and stepped aside. Rangiku slipped her shoes off and stepped onto the carpet, not bothering to apologize for the intrusion in the middle of the night. “How’ve you been?” Rangiku asked.

“Well, high school final exams just ended, so I’m about to start working full time,” Orihime said as she ushered Rangiku into the living room. “I’m working at a bakery now! Speaking of which, you want some brownies? I just finished pistachio blueberry brownies!”

Somehow, that didn’t sound as strange as Orihime’s usual culinary adventures. Rangiku accepted the brownie, found that it tasted acceptable, and continued: “So I hate to jump straight to the point, but… I heard you found out about Gin.”

“Oh.” Orihime’s bubbly smile faded, and she nodded. “Yeah. I was pretty surprised. You knew about him being there.”

“Yeah.” Rangiku took another bite of the brownie. “Sorry for not telling you.”

“It’s okay. I guess I get it now.” Orihime leaned forward and propped her elbows on the table. “Ichigo wasn’t that mad, and even Uryu seemed pretty okay with it, in the end. And Uryu’s the smartest person I know, so…”

“Uryu Ishida?” Rangiku murmured. “What did he say?”

“He said something like--” Orihime straightened up and dropped her voice an octave. “‘I was mostly forgiven for my fake betrayal because I was successful in helping stop Yhwach. Would Ichimaru be partially forgiven by the Soul Society if he had actually been successful in stopping Aizen? Or is he only being held accountable for everything he did because he failed?’”

The last bite of brownie fell from Rangiku’s hand. Orihime seemed to notice her shocked expression and added: “Of course, that’s a bit of an oversimplification, because Mr. Ichimaru… really did a lot more than Uryu did, I guess, and for much longer. But that’s still a good point, right? Uryu isn’t exactly being honored as a hero or anything, but we’ve moved on, even though he kinda helped Yhwach for a while.”

Rangiku wracked her memory. She hadn’t heard details on what Uryu had or hadn’t done during his time with the Quincies, other than what Gin had mentioned the last time they had met. There was arguably blood on his hands, either directly or indirectly, but Central 46 had never fully looked into the matter because he wasn’t a Soul Reaper.

Two separate justice systems, she thought as she picked up the fallen bite of brownie and finished it. “Gin certainly waited too damn long to make his move to stop Aizen, and he hurt and manipulated people himself, and he needs to seek forgiveness for all that… but your friend has a point,” she murmured.

Orihime nodded. “But what happens now? Is he going to live at Mr. Urahara’s house forever?”

“Dunno. Central 46 and the Head Captain are trying to figure it out.” Rangiku smiled sadly, and Orihime met her gaze with a sympathetic frown. She had never fully told Orihime about the extent of her and Gin’s relationship, but she knew Ichigo had likely said something about her crying over him during the final battle.

The scene flashed before her eyes, and she shoved it away. She needed to focus. Orihime’s question was important: what the hell was going to happen to Gin next? He couldn’t even start a new life in the human world yet, with the restrictions placed on him, and money would surely be an issue once he was finally freed.

_Money._

“Orihime, I have a request,” Rangiku asked, leaning forward. “Do you know how I can make money in the human world?”


	20. The Waltz, Part VIII

Gin slept even more fitfully than usual, and he woke up with his sheets on the tatami floor at least twice. When faint blue morning light filtered through the curtains, he rolled over on his side to block it out, but he heard Jinta thunder down the stairs a few seconds later.

Three days passed in a tired blur. Rangiku wrote him a brief letter on Monday, but he didn’t think about replying until Wednesday morning, when he finally realized he had something to say.

There were now three letters closed with bobby pins in his top drawer, and he realized he needed to return them or else she would run out. He could keep one, though, he thought selfishly as he ran a finger over the cool metal. They were almost the exact same color as her hair, and they looked almost regal against the pale paper.

He grabbed two of the bobby pins and a fresh sheet of paper before sitting down at the floor desk.

_Dear Rangiku,_

_I hope your work is going okay. Today I tutored Jinta in math a little since he did so poorly on his last exams and has some free time right now. Mr. Urahara requested it, and Jinta himself wasn't happy about it, but I felt like I was helpful a little bit._

_I'm writing another letter now that I've had time to think about my conversation with Lieutenant Kira more. I won't go too much into what he said; that's for him to tell you, if he wants. But your name came up briefly, as we talked about who and what we cared about and fought for._

_It just reinforced the feelings I had when meeting with the Kurosakis: Just because you were the only person I cared about doesn't mean that there aren't other yous out there, and if everyone sought revenge for the people they cared about, then the world would be chaos. Of course, I had no way of understanding that as a child, but the fact that I ignored that fact even 20 years ago when we attacked Isshin Shiba is--_

His pen faltered.

_\-- embarrassing. I didn’t care much about duty and all that, but there are people who should’ve mattered to me - to whom I mattered - regardless of duty._

_I'm not explaining it well, I guess, but seeing hearing Izuru call me out on my priorities helped it sink in. And I tried to convince myself that I would end up saving many lives by stopping Aizen, but that would never bring solace or salvation to the people I hurt along the way._

_Sorry to write such a downer of a letter after we had such a good time Saturday night. I just felt like I should explain that I understand a little more how much I hurt you and Izuru. I guess if I would’ve talked to you two way back then, maybe we could have hatched some kind of plan against Aizen together, huh? Especially Izuru, since he was my own Lieutenant. He would’ve gone through hell for me--_

His pen faltered again, and he set it down to rub his eyes. 

_Then again, you would have too. And I spent all that time ignoring that fact. I’m not sure I can ever apologize enough to fully face you ever again._

The words had spilled forth in barely a few minutes. He hadn’t meant for them to get so heavy, but when he reread the letter, he knew they needed to be there.

Why was it so much easier to write than to talk? Was it because he didn’t have to look her in the eyes? Was it because he didn’t have to deal with an immediate, unfiltered response?

He bit his lip at the last thought. He wanted an honest response - he just didn't want to have to show his own reaction.

\---------------------------------------------------

Rangiku’s eyelids drooped repeatedly throughout the Lieutenants’ meeting. She was trying harder to pay attention than usual, but her sleep schedule was wrecked. Even though it had been four full days since she had visited Gin, her mind raced every time she thought of the Russian roulette of emotions she’d felt that night.

She couldn’t help but feel that they had left too much unsaid. Maybe she shouldn’t have let the conversation be so light for their entire visit.

The meeting ended abruptly, with Nanao bowing and waving them all out just a few seconds after the last agenda item. Rangiku saw Izuru head for the door immediately, and her stomach lurched. She wanted to test the waters, at the very least.

She followed him out and loitered by the door until he finished a brief conversation with Renji. When he turned toward the front gate, she called: “Izuru.”

His eyes were already narrowed when he turned. “Yes, Lieutenant Matsumoto?”

They never used titles with each other. She wondered if addressing him informally had been a mistake. “You got a minute?” she asked.

“Let’s step out of the others’ way.”

There was no one else around, since Renji had just flash-stepped away. She followed him to the right of the building, closer to the Squad 1 training grounds. “I figured we should talk,” she murmured as soon as they were several feet from the door they had just walked out of.

“About what?”

His voice was icy, and she couldn’t read his emotions in the late evening darkness. The slight hunch of his shoulders was caused by his injuries in the war; he usually carried himself even lower when it was this late in the day, as if he was fatigued.

Now, though, he had drawn himself up as tall as possible.

“About Gin.” She waited for him to reply, and when he didn’t, she pressed: “I want to talk about where we each stand.”

“You’re forgiving him? ‘Cause that’s what it looks like to me.”

“It’s been a long process, and I still can’t say that it’s forgiveness--” She stopped suddenly, unsure of what she should say. “It’s complicated. I don’t expect others to feel the same as me, but I’m hoping people at least acknowledge what he went through.”

“You’ve been meeting with him a lot, as if you’re old friends. What is that, if not forgiveness?”

She grimaced and fought the anger that swelled in her chest. “You haven’t even been there for those conversations--”

“Yeah, because you didn’t invite me!”

His voice had risen sharply, but the words would have had the same impact regardless of the volume. She fidgeted, unsure of how to respond. He was right to be angry for being left out. She wasn’t sure whether to address that or the anger toward Gin first, though.

Izuru tilted his head toward her, as if asking her for a response. When she didn’t answer, he pressed: "Since you insist on having this conversation, let me ask this: Are you only forgiving him because he did it all for your sake?"

"Stop it." She felt raw, hot anger consume her for the first time in days. She glanced over her shoulder before taking a shaking step toward him. "That's not it, Izuru. I've wrestled with this for months--"

"And so have I! Years, even!"

A familiar spiritual pressure emerged behind Rangiku. She closed her eyes and turned halfway, already knowing that Momo would interfere in the argument.

"You two should..." Momo trailed off as she shuffled closer. "Maybe you two should walk it off. Give it a few more days--"

"Let me at least say this." Rangiku turned back toward Izuru. "I understand if you're mad. You and Momo both have every right to be. I was trying to spare you both from having to wrestle with this."

Izuru opened his mouth to reply, but Rangiku shook her head. "And I guess that was the wrong decision, and I'm sorry! But please, at least promise not to hate me for it!"

As she finished speaking, there was a loud thud, and a window in the side of the building slid open. Dim lamplight washed over Izuru and the pavement behind him, but Rangiku's eyes were on the thin, blond-haired man who had just stuck his head out.

"Y'all are too loud," Shinji Hirako said, jabbing a finger in his ear for emphasis.

"Captain--" Momo stepped closer to the window. "What are you doing here?"

"I had a meeting with Shunsui."

It took the Head Captain's first name a moment to register in Rangiku's mind. Before she could even figure out what to say, though, Shinji continued: "If this is about what I think it's about, then I don't wanna hear it. Pipe down, will ya?"

Rangiku's heart thudded in her chest as the Captain slammed the window shut. Izuru's face went dark again, and he waited until the plaza had gone completely silent before asking: "Has… has Gin Ichimaru changed? Other than being more polite, I mean."

She nodded. “I truly believe he has."

"How much?"

"I don't know yet. A lot, but it still... sometimes doesn't feel like he's even fully present. It’s almost like that regret still consumes him."

“As it should.”

She fought back anger again as his eyes flicked past her to Momo. Although she could sense Momo’s spiritual pressure, she couldn’t sense the emotions in it, and she wasn’t sure if she should turn around and try to read her face. 

"Look, you don’t have to choose between him and I. I just need you to give me space until things calm down,” he said.

“That’s fair.” She struggled to find words as she fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. “He manipulated you to protect me. I hate that.”

He looked up at the sky, then back at the ground. “I will say, though, that if anyone can get him to come close to redeeming himself, it’s you. Maybe it’s impossible. Maybe not. Either way, I don’t want anything to do with it. It’s your responsibility.”

The final words were harsh, but she didn't flinch. He strode past her in an eerie encore of their encounter Saturday night, and she turned to Momo, who had lowered her head. “Momo, it’s okay. You don’t have to have anything to do with it either," Rangiku said.

“I trust you, Rangiku. Not Gin." Momo shrugged, but the motion was nearly unnoticeable on her small shoulders. "I’m sure you’ll make the most of this, though.”

Rangiku blew out a breath and waited a beat. "Can I ask if you told Captain Hirako?"

"He already knew about you visiting Gin, it seems. Perhaps Head Captain Kyoraku had informed all the Captains."

"So why hadn't he told you before Toshiro did?"

"It seems he wanted to shield me from it." There was a heavy pause. "I told him not to do that again."

Rangiku wasn't sure if that was the truth or not, but she let the matter drop.

"I don't think either Izuru or I want Gin to be miserable. His suffering won't help anybody. Just... leave me out of it too, for now," Momo said as she took a step backward. "Good night, Rangiku."

She bowed - an unnecessary show of formality that tugged at Rangiku’s resolve - and left, flash-stepping away almost immediately. Rangiku waited several seconds as some of the other Lieutenants filed out into the darkness, their weary voices barely reaching where she stood. She couldn’t even tell what they were talking about, but she wondered if it was wiser not to join them.

She flash-stepped back to the barracks, letting the cool night air soothe her heated cheeks. She needed time to process their words. She knew that she had burned some of their trust in her, but surely in time they would calm down if she played her cards right.

Then again, maybe she didn’t deserve that.

She fought back tears as she finally shut her bedroom door behind her. As she crossed to her dresser and untied her belt, something caught her eye on her bed.

It was a letter, this time with two gold bobby pins attached. She rushed to it and tugged it open, tearing the paper where it caught on one of the pins.

Her eyes danced over the lines. She tried to force herself to slow down, but she wanted to drink up every word, hoping it would calm her soul.

Eventually, she slowed and began to reread each line, suddenly unsure of the meaning of each sentence.

_I’m not sure I can ever apologize enough to fully face you ever again._

What did that even mean?

The tears she had bottled up rushed out, making it impossible to reread the line again. She closed the letter and tucked it into her shihakusho as the bobby pins fell onto the bed. She swallowed hard, unsure of whether she should listen to the voices in her head urging her to go to him.

She had to see him. She had to make him understand that no matter what, he still had her to lean on, even if he never received forgiveness from anybody else.

Even if she had to spend weeks, months, or years making things right - or close enough to right.


	21. The Embrace, Part I

Rangiku climbed over the back fence and slipped through the back door without a sound. She knew Kisuke and Tessai would sense her arrival, as would Yoruichi and the others if they were around. She didn’t want to have to see them, though. It was late enough that the kitchen was empty and she could retrieve her gigai undetected, so she hurried to do so, her fingers shaking even after she had entered her almost-human form.

She knocked softly at Gin’s door, and the second she heard a murmured “Come in,” she threw the door open and stepped inside.

Gin was standing at his closet in a t-shirt and sweatpants, but he turned to face her with a furrowed brow as she closed the door behind her. “Rangiku,” he murmured, “What happened--”

“What happened to you?” She could already feel tears welling up, but she fought to keep her voice level. “You sounded like you’d given up! I’m not giving up, so don’t you give up either! I’ll really never forgive you then!” 

He stared at her, his arms limp at his sides. “Why are you--”

“Did you even read what you wrote?” She stepped closer. “Stuff about not being able to fully face me and not being able to apologize enough and--”

“Rangiku, shhh,” he said, raising one hand. She fell quiet, and she could hear the sound of old wood creaking above her.

"It's like-- it's like you're still not here, sometimes!" she hissed. "You just stare off into space sometimes like you wanna be somewhere else! And you try to talk about things, and then you write something that isn't what you said, and then you apologize more--"

Her hands balled into fists. The expression on his face shifted from confusion to hurt and back again, and she blurted: “I heard you the first fifty-whatever times you apologized! It took me time to understand and accept everything, but now I don’t want you to apologize anymore! You can talk as much as you need to, but no more apologies!”

Tears finally ran down her cheeks, and she swiped at them before lowering her head and stepping closer. She felt him tense as she threw her arms around him, but she clung tighter, unsure of what else to do in all her rage and fear and pain.

He was quiet, and he didn’t raise a hand to embrace her, stroke her hair, or do any of the things she wanted him to do to reassure her he was okay. That made her cry harder, though she fought the feeling for as long as she could, beating back the grief for a few feeble seconds before losing her resolve.

"Why are you this upset?" he whispered. “I don’t… You shouldn’t be…”

"I dunno,” she choked out. “I just hate that you said you could never apologize enough. I hate that. I don’t want you saying you're sorry over and over again for the rest of your life.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you with that letter--”

Her fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt behind his neck, and he fell silent. “As long as you’re alive, you can face me.” She turned her face to rest her forehead against the side of his head, nearly brushing her lips against his neck. “I might not even always understand, but you’re still _you._ Haven’t I made that clear?”

“I… I guess I didn’t…”

“All this time I spent coming here, I didn’t make that clear? I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you apologize either,” he murmured.

“I know you’re doing best to… learn, and grow, and--” She stopped. The word _atone_ almost seemed too strong. How was he even supposed to do that, after all that had happened?

That thought stopped cold as his hand settled into the small of her back. Then his other hand rested just above the first, and she felt like she could float away with him, pulling him far away from everyone and everything.

Then she remembered where they were; that there was a ceiling; that Kisuke Urahara had undoubtedly placed a barrier around the house to keep Gin from leaving. She let her left hand drop from around Gin’s neck and squeezed his arm, and his grip on her faltered.

“Maybe this means I've forgiven you already,” she mumbled as more tears soaked his shirt. “If it hurts this much, then it probably means I've forgiven you, okay?"

"I'm not sure that's how it works, y'know..."

"If I hadn't forgiven you, though, then I would’ve read those words and thought 'Good, he's still sorry,' or something like that… right?"

Her words were half-mumbled, and for a moment, she wasn’t sure he understood her. "I have no idea,” he said slowly. “I don't think I've ever forgiven anybody in my life, now that I think about it."

She swallowed hard. "So you don't even know what it feels like."

"No. I guess I don't."

She didn’t say anything else. It didn’t matter. There was comfort just in the fact that they were in the same space for the moment, even if neither one of them quite knew how to explain anything to the other.

His body was warm. Even though it was a gigai, he was warm. He was _alive._ She could feel her warm breath heating the thin skin at the base of his neck; she could feel him moving as he turned his head slightly toward hers; and if she held perfectly still, she could feel his chest swell as he took each breath. That was enough for the moment.

“Ran?” His chest vibrated as he spoke, though his voice was just above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Did you - did you come here without permission? ‘Cause Mr. Urahara didn’t say...”

“Yeah, I came here without permission, but don’t worry about that,” she said, letting her hand rest on his shoulder. “I had to. I wasn’t going to let either one of us go to sleep without talking to you.”

“You should go. I’m glad you came, but--”

“I’m already going to be in trouble for being here, so I might as well…” She blinked back the last of her tears. “Linger, I guess.”

His arms tightened for an instant before relaxing. “I’m fine, I promise. I’m sorry my letter upset you that much.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and clumsily laced her arm back around his neck. They stayed that way for a few minutes longer as she searched for words, hoping to get him to say something else that would reassure her that he was okay. Maybe there was something she needed to say, too, but no matter how much she trying to fumble together a script or a speech, she couldn’t string together more than a few words.

And they were words that still terrified her.

His hands slid up her back, pulling her closer for another instant before falling away. “Ran,” he said, “I’m fine. I’m glad you came. I do feel better now. But you should go.”

She stepped back and rubbed her eyes with one hand to avoid his gaze. “I don’t want to--”

“Don’t risk all this, Ran. Please.”

Her left hand had slid to rest on his shoulder again. The reality of the wall still between them sank into her, and she finally looked up at him.

“Okay, I’ll go,” she whispered, her voice shaking, “but only if you really understand.”

His eyes were shaded slate blue in the darkness, but she could still read them as they searched her face. “That I’m still me?” he murmured.

“Yeah. And that I’m still going to be here, and that the time for apologies is over.”

Her hand tightened on his shoulder as her throat ached and tears shot to her eyes again. “I understand,” he murmured, raising a hand to rest it on hers. “I do. Thank you, Rangiku.”

She bit her lip and stepped toward him again, but he pulled his hand away from hers and gently pushed it against her shoulder to hold her back. “Go,” he hissed. “Your Captain will find out if you stay too long. I'm sure someone noticed you going through the Senkaimon for no apparent reason.”

“You’re right--” Her voice caught, and she repeated herself: “You’re right. Good night.”

She pulled her hand away from his shoulder and forced herself to turn around. When she slid the hallway door open and turned to close it, she saw he had raised his hand in a wave and let a faded smile return to his face.

“Sleep tight, Rangiku,” he whispered.

“You too.” She lowered her gaze as she shut the door so she wouldn’t have to watch him disappear from sight.

She waited for a moment outside his door as his warmth began to fade from her skin. The house was quiet, and she wondered how long she could stay there until someone noticed. She wished she could haunt the place as a ghost, watching over him, unconcerned with her duties and the rules and the future and the--

A floorboard creaked above her, and she hurried to stow her gigai. The pounding heart inside felt like it might give out.

When she went through the Senkaimon, the rush of air tore the last of his warmth from her.

\--------------------------------------------------------

When the door closed behind her, he waited for her footsteps to head down the hallway before lowering his hand. His eyes closed as he wondered if she would linger in spirit form, watching over him from the yard.

Maybe if she looked through the window and saw him standing there, she’d come back.

It felt like a giant hole had been carved into his chest, right along the lines where her body had met his for so long. His left arm hung limp for a full minute before rising to let his fingers pluck a stray hair from his neck.

A long, honey-blonde hair.

The last time they had come that close to each other had been the night she had almost kissed him. The time she had caught him by the wrist as he was leaving the Soul Society was a close second.

Although maybe an even closer runner-up was when she had knelt over him crying as he lay bleeding on the pavement - just before he slipped into a coma.

As he crossed to his futon and laid down to sleep, he let his fingers run along the place on his neck where her forehead had rested. His skin was soft with both of their sweat.

He went to bed not fully understanding everything that had just been said and why it had come forth so suddenly, but he slept peacefully, for once.

\---------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Rangiku waited until the other seated officers had left the office before turning to her Captain. “Do you have a minute?” she asked softly when it looked like he had reached a break in his paperwork.

Toshiro’s eyes flicked upward. “You never bother asking that question.”

She rose from her seat on the couch and faced him fully, making sure her arms were crisply pressed to her sides. "I went to see Gin without permission last night."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Oh?"

"I figured you would find out eventually if you hadn't already, so I'll accept any punishment you hand down,” she said, bowing. “I apologize for my insubordination.”

He didn’t respond until she had stood up straight again. "I actually hadn't heard, which is a little worrisome, but that's a matter for whoever's tracking Senkaimon use over at Squad 12," he said as he crossed his arms. "Why did you go?"

"Because he sent a letter that... gravely concerned me.”

"Why did it concern you?"

"Because he was... hurting. A lot." She glanced away, and he leaned forward. "The way he talked scared me a little. Almost like he had started to give up."

A long pause followed, in which she could only hear the faint _clack, clack_ of wooden swords in the training grounds across the plaza. He glanced at the paperwork, then at the wall, then up at her.

"You're not allowed to go this weekend, then. I would normally strike two visits as punishment, but you already lost one visit because of that mission a few weeks ago and never got to make it up." His eyes glinted in the mid-morning sun filtering through the windows. "Don't see him without permission again unless someone's literally about to die, or else I'll tell the Head Captain and try to get you stuck here for a month."

She bowed again. "Yes, sir. I have a clarifying question, though: I have an appointment with Orihime Inoue over the weekend, on Sunday. She said she needs my help, and I already made a promise."

“Help with what?”

She fidgeted. She didn’t want to lie and get herself into even more trouble. “A professional matter.”

“Huh?” His jaw dropped, and she had to choke back a laugh. “You, helping with something professional?”

“Yes! And I already promised!”

He waved a hand. “We owe her a lot for her help in the war, so just go, as long as it has nothing to do with Ichimaru!”

It wasn’t quite a lie, she told herself as she left. It was for Gin’s sake, but only because he would need the money. Plus, it was a professional matter: Orihime’s bakery was increasingly busy on Sundays, and they didn’t have enough part-time help to manage.

Rangiku sighed. Being at the bakery at 6 a.m. on a Sunday wasn’t going to be fun, but if it meant being able to get him out of that house someday, she would do it.

Her heart somersaulted as she remembered the feeling of his warmth, and the way she had finally felt his very soul begin to calm. That was the only thing that mattered. She had no idea what would come next, but that thought was enough for the next week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand we finally get a little closer to closure for these two! It's been quite a long haul (sorry) but I promise we're getting there! Thanks for reading this far!


	22. The Embrace, Part II

Rangiku wiped her brow before sitting down hard on the pavement. The bakery had made her scrub pans, mop floors, and even stand outside handing leaflets to customers because it had ended up being a slower day than usual. The cool air outside was a relief, even if it was a little colder than she would normally like.

She heard the back door of the bakery open behind her, and Orihime appeared, bringing a wave of warm air with her. “You okay?” she asked cheerfully. “You did great work today!”

“You don’t have to be nice,” Rangiku muttered. “I dropped two different pans on the floor and accidentally locked the other part-timer in a closet.”

“That door’s always been kinda weird like that! Don’t worry about it!” Orihime held out an envelope. “Here. Since you’re only here occasionally, we can pay you cash on the spot.”

“Thanks!” Rangiku opened it and quickly counted. “Hey, how much is 5000 yen, anyway? Like, what does that get me these days?”

“Um…” Orihime frowned. “For me, that’s about 6 days of groceries, or even a whole week if I get a lot of free bread from here!”

“Okay, then, what about rent?”

“That’s… about 4 days of rent! Or one night in a cheap hotel!”

Rangiku sighed, and Orihime’s frown deepened. “Sorry, it’s fine,” Rangiku said, waving a hand. “I just forgot how the human world works! I’ll be back next week!”

“You can come back any time on Sundays, and we sometimes need help on Saturdays too!” Orihime said cheerfully. “I have to get back to work, but thanks again!”

She disappeared back inside, and Rangiku stared up at the sky, wondering just how she was going to make it work. 5000 yen was essentially useless to Gin. Valentine’s Day and White Day had already passed, but she could always buy him something else he needed.

Before she could ponder more, her soul pager chimed, and she saw a message from Toshiro: _Get back here as soon as you can. I have to send you on an urgent mission._

She cursed under her breath. She had been looking forward to an afternoon nap. She could only hope the mission didn’t take too long.

\--------------------------------------------------

Gin helped Ururu with the garden in the afternoon. He didn’t know much about plants, but she told him which seedlings to put in which spot, and he fumbled through it. Eventually, she trusted him enough to leave him unsupervised and go grocery shopping. 

When he had finished, he dragged himself into the kitchen to throw away the seeds’ packaging and wash his hands. He heard Kisuke’s voice in the hallway, but when he opened the door, he found a different blonde-haired Soul Reaper heading right down the hallway.

He hadn’t seen Shinji Hirako since the battle for Karakura. Shinji had almost certainly testified at his trial, Gin thought, but they had never seen each other face to face.

And Gin had been fine with that. Out of all of the people he had wronged, Shinji would be the hardest to apologize to. It almost felt futile. Shinji was headstrong but honest - _always_ honest - and forgiving something as horrible as Gin’s betrayal was impossible.

His memories of Shinji as Captain were distant. To Gin, Aizen had been the target, the goal, the ever-distant prize to keep an unwavering eye on. At the time of Shinji’s Hollowfication, Gin had already been Third Seat for several years, but his training had almost entirely been overseen by Aizen.

What would have happened if he had sought out his Captain, instead of lurking in Aizen’s shadow?

Shinji hesitated for a split second as he noticed Gin in the kitchen doorway. He was wearing human clothes, and his slouching, casual demeanor told Gin he wasn’t visiting on official business.

Words piled up, stumbling over themselves on Gin’s tongue. “Captain - I’m not sure apologizing makes any difference at this point, but… I am sorry. I’ve thought about that a lot, and...”

He stopped as he noticed Shinji had passed him. Shinji kept walking, but bent to grab a pair of shoes in the front entryway. “And if me being remorseful doesn’t make any difference, then… please at least know that I won’t do any more harm,” Gin added.

"So now you know what it feels like to lose everything and be an exile in the human world. Kinda poetic justice.” Shinji’s voice was strained, but unshaking, and he didn’t turn to face Gin. “Although... not justice enough."

Gin's breath caught, but he forced himself to nod. "You're right, it's not. Because I haven't lost everything."

Shinji looked over his shoulder, and Gin wondered if he had said too much. He knew there was no way he could leave the conversation at that, though. "I know I probably can't do much here, and it will never be enough,” Gin murmured, “but if there is ever a way I can aid you or the other Visoreds in some way--"

There was a blur of blond hair at his waist level, and a split second later, blinding pain shot through his stomach. He doubled over and dropped to his knees, unable to pry his eyes open.

“Hiyori!” Kisuke yelled.

“Ah, for fuck’s sake,” Shinji muttered.

Gin couldn’t tell what they were talking about. All he knew was that something hard had collided with his stomach. There was a series of sharp, angry cries somewhere above him, followed by a heavy thud on the floor.

Then he realized he had fallen to the floor, drowning in the most pain he’d felt since waking up from his coma. He curled up into a ball, hoping that whatever had hit him wouldn’t strike again.

“You motherfucker!” The high-pitched voice was definitely Hiyori’s, but he had no idea where she’d come from or why she was there. “So you really are living here--”

“Alright, I think that’s enough,” Kisuke said. “He’s in a gigai body now, so don’t be too--”

“I’m gonna kick his ass!”

There were a few more low thuds - maybe the sound of Hiyori’s feet stomping, Gin thought - and he forced his eyes open. He could see red sweatpants kicking toward him, and he reflexively slammed his eyes shut again.

“I’m--” He stopped as he felt nausea build within him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t--”

“Shut it! I don’t wanna hear it!” Hiyori yelled.

"C'mon, Hiyori, you already got him once. No need to do it again," Kisuke’s voice said.

"But I wanna hit him in the balls next--"

"Oof! If ya do that, he'll be a useless mess for the rest of the day, and that'll be a bother to Kisuke." Shinji sighed, and Gin opened his eyes just in time to see the Captain dragging her toward the door. “C'mon.”

Hiyori kept yelling, but Shinji had a firm grip on her collar as he dragged her outside. “Sorry ‘bout that, Kisuke,” he called over his shoulder. “See ya around.”

Gin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He heard Kisuke step closer to him, and when he opened his eyes, Kisuke had crouched over him. “You gonna be okay?” Kisuke murmured. “Those gigais heal quickly, but Hiyori’s got a mean punch.”

“I’m fine.” Gin rolled onto his back and winced. “And I deserved that.”

“Well… yeah, you did, all things considered.”

“I wondered what she’d do. I figured I would be able to see her if she ever came by, ‘cause she lives in this world and all, but… Why could I see him?”

Kisuke sighed as he straightened up. “He’d borrowed a gigai to go say hi to some folks. I told him he didn’t need it, but I guess he feels weird walking around in a form humans can’t see him in.”

Gin squinted at Kisuke, but couldn’t read his expression due to his own blurry vision. “Or did he use it because of me?”

“Well, that’s entirely possible. He really is on his way to visit the Kurosakis, though.” Kisuke paused. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you to stay out of the house for a bit. I figured he wouldn’t stay long, and I figured you would be busy with gardening for quite a while.”

“It’s fine.” Gin ran his hand over his stomach one last time before sitting up. His whole body ached from falling to the hardwood floor, but he told himself not to complain. It was a small price to pay for finally getting some vague sense of closure.

 _Closure_ felt like a strange word to use, but at least he knew how Shinji felt.


	23. The Embrace, Part III

Gin decided against mentioning Shinji and Hiyori in his letter to Rangiku. Shinji’s reaction in particular was sensitive due to his position as Momo’s Captain, and neither of their statements were worth worrying Rangiku about. He kept the conversation light, focusing more on the goings-on of the Urahara household than about their words exchanged the previous week. Yoruichi took the letter from him Monday night, but the whole week passed without a response.

Saturday morning, Yoruichi knocked on his door and stuck her head in. “Hey, I heard Rangiku’s been on a mission all week,” she said. “It sounds like you and Kisuke hadn’t heard that, huh?”

He frowned and set his book aside. “I hadn’t. That explains the lack of response. Is she okay?”

She smiled reassuringly. “I heard she was scheduled to return this afternoon, but I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something. I was gonna invite her to the festival tonight and all.”

“Festival?”

Her smile faded. “I guess you can’t go. Sorry. But I was going to see if she wanted to go for a little bit, maybe see Orihime and the others, and then come see you.”

“That makes sense. Let me know as soon as you hear something, please.”

“Of course!”

The door slid shut, and he set his book aside. He hoped Rangiku would go to the festival for at least a little while, instead of trying to just entertain him. It had to be one of the first human festivals of the year - at least, the first one in any decent weather.

He knew she’d spend the majority of her time with him, though, if she ended up having any.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, he heard a minor commotion in the hallway, and stuck his head out to see Kisuke herding the kids out the front door. “We’re gonna take a long walk around the festival,” Kisuke said with a wave. “You want anything to eat? We’re not cooking dinner tonight, so just tell us what you want us to bring back.”

Gin shook his head. “I’m fine with whatever--”

“No, seriously, pick something!” Kisuke shuffled a few steps closer to add: “Sorry we can’t take you with us.”

Gin smiled. “You’ve already done a lot for me, so don’t hold back on my accord, please. And I’ll eat anything. I’m not even sure what festivals tend to have these days.”

“Well, we’ll bring you back something good!” Kisuke jabbed his fan toward the kitchen. “Beer’s in the fridge, and Tessai’s working on who-knows-what in the basement. Drink outside; the weather’s lovely!”

He bounded off, and Gin was left with nothing but the silence of the house. Somehow, the thought of them going without him didn’t bother him as much as it should. Maybe it was because he had barely gotten to go to any festivals his entire life, anyway.

When he finished cleaning, he grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it, and walked out to the back porch. It was still warm enough outside to enjoy the night air, and the neighborhood was quiet. All things considered, he was lucky, even if he was still feeling a little stir-crazy.

Just as he had begun to settle into his thoughts and think about the state of things, the back door slid open behind him. “Oh, good! You’re here!” Rangiku’s voice said.

Gin whirled around, nearly knocking over his beer. “Huh?”

“I went to the festival for a while, but Orihime went off chasing after Ichigo, so I came back here! I passed Kisuke and the others and said hi, but I wanted to come bring you food.” She grinned down at him as she leaned out the back door, and he noticed her blue yukata with yellow firework designs dancing over it. There was a pale gold obi tied around her waist, and the color combination did wonders for her honey-gold hair. Her hair was mostly pinned up into a bun, but she had let a few strands fall out and frame her face.

“You look…” She looked _radiant,_ but he had no idea how to tell her that without her laughing. He swallowed hard as she closed the door behind her and knelt beside him. “Uh, Miss Inoue really does like that guy, huh?”

“I keep wondering if she’ll change her mind and go after Uryu, the Quincy kid, but she seems pretty committed for now.” She held out a skewer with three shiny amber orbs on it. “Here! Mitarashi dango!”

He took the end of the skewer, eyeing it skeptically. “Is that honey?”

“No, it’s… It’s kinda sweet, but a little savory! It’s common at human festivals! Sorry, I couldn’t find persimmons in any damn form.”

He opened his mouth to take a bite, but then closed it again. “Wait. Did you get permission to be here?”

“Captain Hitsugaya gave me permission to come see you sometime today, since I worked so hard on my missions.” She tilted her head, avoiding his gaze. “I just didn’t tell him when.”

She pulled another skewer of dango out of a box in her hands and took a bite. “Anyway, don’t worry about that! Try these!”

“Thanks,” he said, finally taking a bite. “Mmmf. Definitely sweet.”

The dango were sticky and a little hard to chew, so he was quiet for a minute until he had eaten two of them. “It’s quiet without the kids around,” he noted.

“Sure is. And it’s not even cicada season, so it’s almost a little eerie, isn’t it?”

“Cicada season?”

“Wait, you never heard cicadas while on missions here? Maybe you were just here at the wrong time. Orihime says they come out late in the summer. It’s not nearly as loud here as it is in the countryside, but if you walk past a park, you might hear a whole swarm of them!” She swung her legs partway to the side, pointing her bare feet away from him and leaning closer. “I’m sure you’ll hear them at some point.”

He chuckled and reached for his beer. “Is that any good?” she asked.

“You haven’t had human beer?”

“I think I have, but I don’t remember which brand.”

He laughed outright, and she scowled at him, gray-blue eyes twinkling. “Well, and there are many brands of beer here!” she said. “I even had some fruity thing at the festival earlier! A ‘lemon sour’ or something!”

“That doesn’t sound like it’s beer.”

“Well, it’s fizzy like beer!”

Gin bit the last dango off his skewer and smirked at her. She waved the last dango on her skewer at him before biting off half of it. “Look, we got a long list of things you’re gonna try while you’re here, okay?” she said, mumbling around the half-chewed food.

“Write them down and give them to Mr. Urahara. I don’t do the shopping around here.”

“And I’ll bring you some! And I heard Orihime will bring bread sometimes too!” She lowered her voice. “Just don’t eat anything that she actually made herself, if you can avoid it. Leftovers from the bakery are fine, but her cooking skills are a little… unique.”

He smiled sadly. “Believe me, I’ll eat anything I’m given.”

Her face fell as she bit off the last of the dango. She chewed for a long moment, seeming thoughtful. “You don’t have to be that grateful, you know,” she murmured as she leaned back on her palms.

He stared off into the yard, watching the shadows splayed over the short, stubby grass. “It’s hard to explain,” he murmured. “Looking back over it all… I know it must be hard to watch, from your perspective, but it’s not that hard for me.”

“What isn’t?”

He shrugged. “This situation. My current situation doesn’t bother me that much. Everything I did does, though.”

She was quiet as she reached forward to pluck the skewer out of his hand and set it in the paper box beside her. He watched her face, trying to read the lack of emotion on it. “I know you’re working on everything, Gin. I just want you to be able to relax once in a while,” she added with a tiny shrug.

“I am relaxing.”

She glanced at him, but for a split second, her eyes darted downward. He lowered his head slightly and added: “I feel a lot more at peace when you’re here.”

Her eyes widened, and he felt a flush grow in his chest. Maybe he had said too much.

But then her eyes fell halfway closed and looked down again - not down at the patio, but at his lips, then his chest. There were unspoken words in each shift in her gaze, he knew, and he wanted her to just say them. After all of the stumbling over their words they had done the previous week, he just wanted to understand her.

Her eyes closed, and for the first time in years, she looked perfectly serene.

With a pang of guilt, he realized what needed to happen. He wanted to complete the moment. He had waited long enough - and made _her_ wait long enough.

He carefully picked his left hand off the patio, leaning to his right to draw closer. When his face was a finger’s width away from hers, he froze, terror gripping his bones. There was no way this was right. There was no way he deserved this.

Her eyes cracked open, and her eyebrows furrowed. “What?” she whispered, breath playing over his lips. 

He closed his eyes as his head dipped further. “Ran, I--”

Soft fingers touched his cheek, and as he opened his eyes, she pressed her lips to his. His chest burned with an unfamiliar feeling, and his breath stopped, bottling up the tension that had been building in him for the past two months. His eyes slowly closed, but the color of her hair bathed in the dim light from the house still danced in front of his eyes.

The first coherent thought he had was that maybe this was what drowning felt like.

Her lips pulled away, and he immediately missed their softness. He didn’t dare move, but he opened his eyes halfway, leaving his vision blurred by his eyelashes.

A delicate smile played over her lips for a split second before she leaned in and kissed him again. This time, he raised his left hand to cover the fingers stroking his cheek and tried to ignore the way his own fingers trembled.

There was no playbook for this, he thought, just like there was no playbook for the aftermath of a war. No rulebook for forgiveness. No script for rebuilding trust.

But he was making progress - more progress than he deserved.

She suddenly pulled away, and a split second later, the porch door opened behind them. “Good evening, Miss Matsumoto,” Tessai’s voice said.

Gin’s eyes shot open as he turned away reflexively. He still wasn’t used to being snuck up on, but he could tell by Rangiku’s reaction that she had noticed him earlier. “Hi!” she said cheerfully. “You’re not going to go to the festival?”

“I have gone to this one with the kids many times.” Tessai paused, and Gin forced himself to turn around. “Isn’t it a lovely night?”

“Yeah,” Gin said, nodding in a desperate attempt to hide his flushed cheeks. “Yeah, it is.”

“Well, make yourself at home,” Tessai replied as he slowly slid the door closed.

When the light in the kitchen turned off, Rangiku burst into giggles and rested her head on Gin’s shoulder. “I noticed he wasn’t with the others when I saw them on the way here, but I didn’t even think about whether he’d be here,” she whispered.

He sighed and tilted his head back. “Sorry. I should’ve said something. He really has a way of sneaking up on people,” he murmured. “But how did you get in without…”

He trailed off as he felt her breath graze his skin. The rest of the sentence had fallen out of his brain.

He felt her shift closer, and he turned to rest his cheek against her forehead. “Hmm?” she murmured.

“Are you…” He reached up to trace around her jaw, stopping just under her chin. “Are you real?”

He could tell the question was absurd to her. She sat upright, her lips puckering into a frown. “Huh?”

“No, sorry, I…” He shifted into a more sprawled-out pose, facing her, but avoided her gaze. He couldn’t figure out what he needed to say.

“I’m as real as it gets.” Her hand glided over his, falling still for an instant before lacing her fingers with his.

He looked up as she crawled closer and kissed him again. This time, the kiss was different - harder, and yet not angry or impatient. There was a language embedded in it, but he wasn’t sure he could understand it, let alone speak it.

Maybe he could learn, though.

She broke off the kiss and rested her forehead against his. “I’m real, I promise,” she whispered, her words vivid in his ears.

He opened his eyes to see her long eyelashes still sloping downward, masking her eyes behind them. He let his hand roam to her hair, letting his fingers play in the few wavy strands that were free of the high bun. He knew she’d be furious if he pulled the hairpiece out, like he might have done as a prank when they were children.

When his fingers came to rest on her cheek, he felt her smile, and a new language blossomed on his tongue. He kissed her, letting himself press harder than before, and she shifted to rest her hands on his chest.

When he’d said what he needed to say, he broke off the kiss and let her tuck her head against his chest. They stayed that way until six minutes to midnight, when she kissed him farewell with few words and little hurry. He let her go, knowing that begging her to stay would have no point.

This was the best he would get, and it was enough.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When Rangiku left her gigai behind, the pain returned to her shoulder almost immediately. She had taken a direct hit from the Hollow she had encountered the previous day. Squad 4 had healed it to the best of their ability, but it still throbbed and ached.

She shuddered to think what it looked like underneath the bandages. It had been a close call, and the last thing she wanted was to end up reconstructed with a fake arm like Izuru.

Then again, it didn’t really matter if Gin couldn’t see it anyway.

Before entering the Senkaimon, she raised her good arm and ran her fingers over her lips. Kissing Gin in her gigai form somehow felt like it didn’t count. She knew she should be grateful, but the blurred future facing her offered no reassurances of how they could be together or if it would all amount to anything.

She had felt him start to melt, though, in his lips and fingers. It had been a long spring thaw, but it had finally come out, blocking out the aftermath of their long winter war.

His body was still warm. His soul still had a home. That was enough.


	24. The Embrace, Part IV

Rangiku was sent on another long mission the next week. This time, it was a long, tedious slog through the middle neighborhoods of the Rukongai, dealing with a black-market dealer who had been impersonating one of their officers to try to swindle residents. Such sophisticated crimes were rare in years past, but as the Soul Society was still reeling from the Sternritters’ destruction, some had taken advantage of the chaos to profit.

When she got back Saturday late night, she had to give her informal report to both her Captain and the Head Captain immediately. By the time she had finished, it was already after midnight and she had already missed her window for visiting Gin. 

She considered asking to go, anyway, but decided not to ask for any favors. It was fine, she told herself. She would see him next week.

Plus, the memory of the festival night had lingered on her mind all week. She knew it had for him, too. They could go an extra week, as long as they didn’t piss off the people who decided to hold their entangled fate in their hands.

Before she excused herself from the meeting to return to her quarters, though, Shunsui looked up from his paperwork and said: “Lieutenant, you can go see Ichimaru tomorrow night.”

She looked at her Captain, who nodded. “Thank you, Head Captain,” she said with a bow before turning to leave.

When she got to her room and found three letters with faint cat-sized teeth marks on them, her vision suddenly blurred, and she choked back a sob as she opened the first one. They were almost the same as always: the daily goings-on at the Urahara shop; a summary of whatever Gin had read that day, and maybe a little doodle of one of Jinta if he had done something funny that day.

Each one ended with the same two lines, though: _I miss you. See you next week._

She hadn’t even been able to reply to them all week. She could only hope he hadn’t thought she was ignoring him or injured or--

Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. Something deep down hurt even more than it had before they had kissed. She had been infinitely happy in that moment, and had counted all her blessings with a smile on her face when she went to bed that night. For a short time, she had managed to push away all the doubts and fears and unease she felt pressing on her from all directions, even from her own friends--

But this was her reality. How much longer could she stand only seeing him once a week when he was clearly so lonely and bored?

She might just have to get used to it, she thought as she reread the final lines of the most recent letter.

\----------------------------------------------------------

The silence from Rangiku had worried Gin until Yoruichi had informed him she had been sent on yet another days-long mission in the Rukongai. When he found out from Tessai that Rangiku might visit on Sunday instead of Saturday, he nodded and took it without complaint.

He had spent all week with a faint, flickering light of hope dancing through the air in front of him everywhere he went. He could only wonder if she’d felt the same.

The house was quiet on Sunday, with Kisuke and Yoruichi in the Soul Society and Jinta and Ururu off with friends. Tessai was quietly working around the house, and Gin joined him for lunch in the kitchen.

They had finally worked past the awkward small-talk phase, and Gin was happy to recount the latest misadventure he and Jinta had while playing baseball in the yard. As he reached the climax of the story, though, Tessai abruptly turned toward the back door and stood up.

“I need to go deal with this.” He glanced down at Gin for an instant. “Stay here.”

Gin frowned. He still wasn’t technically supposed to be left in the house without one of the adults present. “Is everything--”

“Stay!” With that, Tessai bounded over to the back door, slammed it open, and slammed it shut behind him in the span of less than a second.

Gin instinctively tried to sense whatever it was Tessai was sensing, but nothing but a faint, ominous pressure came to the surface. He quickly finished his lunch and walked into the backyard, where everything was as quiet as usual.

He went back into the house and paced the hall for a minute, trying to decide if there was anything else he should be doing. It took him a full minute to remember that there was nothing he could do, since he no longer had spiritual powers.

He shoved the thought aside as he grabbed a broom and went to sweep out the front entrance. Surely Tessai had a way of getting ahold of Urahara and the others if there was an emergency.

After a few minutes of swiping at the floor with a dirty broom, he opened the front door to sweep the dirt outside. As he watched the dirt tumble down the front steps, there was a shrill, distant scream nearby.

Gin’s stomach lurched. That was _not_ the sound of a human child playing. That was a panicked sound.

He hovered by the door, ears strained as he squinted toward the intersection. There was a dull _snap_ some distance away before the earth shook, and he grabbed the doorframe with his free hand.

That was definitely not an earthquake, either. He still knew the sharp, reverberating _thud_ of a Hollow’s footstep on pavement. He had watched enough Hollow attacks through Aizen’s monitors to recognize it easily.

Whatever was happening down the street, it was big - and it was in the opposite direction Tessai had gone in, if he had continued in the same direction after bounding through the back door. Gin didn’t need his spiritual powers to guess that whatever was going on likely involved multiple Hollows.

There was a loud boom from the direction the footsteps had come from, followed by another scream. He whirled around and called into the house, but no one responded, just as he feared.

He took two steps inside to run for the phone, but stopped. They hadn’t bothered to leave him a way to contact anyone, because he wasn’t supposed to _need_ to contact anyone. He wasn’t supposed to be alone, but--

A loud _crack_ and a soft _boom_ reverberated from the street behind him. He wasn’t sure how far he would be able to get from the shop if Kisuke had a proper barrier up, but there wasn’t any sense in not trying.

A Soul Reaper’s fighting instincts weren’t easy to extinguish, he thought bitterly as he stepped out the door.

Two steps from the door, he felt a faint pressure in front of him, as if he was walking into a heavy curtain. Whatever it was didn’t hurt, though, so he broke into a run, heading for the side street that he thought the sound was coming from.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Rangiku rubbed her eyes as she set her full mission report on her Captain’s desk. She had collapsed onto her bed the night before without even pouring herself a drink, but she was still exhausted from her mission even after a full night’s rest.

There were loud voices in the hallway, and she turned around as soon as she heard Toshiro’s muffled voice. The door slid open, revealing him and a few Soul Reapers charging down the hall behind him.

“There are a few Hollows running around Naruki City, all apparently heading toward the same point,” he said. “You’re heading out. Normally I would just leave it to our guard there, but Karakura Town is having a larger outbreak at the same time, and I wonder if ours might grow as well.”

Rangiku instinctively reached for her zanpakuto, but remembered it was in her room as usual. “Get your sword and head out with the squad outside immediately,” Toshiro said. “I may send you to Karakura Town afterward, but not right now.”

A faint pain pinched her chest, but she nodded as she flash-stepped past him. “Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus!! I had NO idea how to end this - I thought I had an ending figured out, but then I realized it did a disservice to Rangiku and was ultimately an unrealistically "happy" ending. So I mulled over possible routes for a two months and finally came to terms with one that feels right. Hopefully now it'll only be a few weeks until completion - by the end of December at the latest, I think, since my semester ends in 2 weeks. Thanks for reading!


	25. The Embrace, Part V

A cloud of dust flew into the street less than a block ahead of Gin when he turned the corner. He saw a figure limping up the street away from him, but other than that, the scene seemed to be deserted.

He suddenly realized he had no idea what was even on that street. He had looked out the front door a few times while sweeping, but had never been anywhere in the neighborhood, and he didn’t remember clearly from his surveillance of Karakura Town with Aizen. He didn’t know if the chaos was erupting at a school, a house, a store, or--

A park, he realized as he came close enough to see a row of bushes along the side of the road.

Above him, power lines wavered, and he gritted his teeth. If he had to dodge any falling objects, he wasn’t going to get very far in his gigai. He sped up and carried the broom in both hands, hoping against hope it would be enough to shield him

He knew it would be useless if the Hollow came at him directly, though. He wouldn’t even know what hit him, since he couldn’t see it. He would just be dead - either crushed or decapitated or impaled with a massive claw and going into shock before he could even--

 _Focus. You still have your instincts_ , said a voice inside his mind.

A faint roar reached his ears as he ran into the park, sidestepping two bicycles on the ground. There were footprints the size of a small car going the length of the grass, a downed tree, and a playground at one end that had been completely mangled.

Directly across the park from him lay a nondescript figure leaning against a fence. Whoever it was seemed to be conscious, but was covered in blood from the head down.

The rumbling footsteps of the Hollow seemed to lead to the left instead of directly toward the injured person. Gin darted across the park, scanning both the ground and the sky for signs of trouble as he ran.

He didn’t even have a firm grip on what he planned to do when he got there. The man on the ground rolled over, but didn’t sit up, and Gin wondered if he would even be able to move.

“Hey!” Gin yelled as he trampled through a flower patch. “You okay? Let’s get out of there!”

The man blinked and wiped blood out of his eyes. “What was that? It wasn’t an explosion, was it?”

“No, it--” Gin looked back over his shoulder as he heard another roar, this time much closer. “Can’t you hear that?”

“Hear what--”

“That roar!”

Gin jerked his arm up to point toward the source, but froze. Something shimmered in the space between the edge of the playground and the houses. He blinked, thinking it had to be some stray sparks from the downed power lines, but it was more liquid than that. The radiant lines stretched high in faint hues of blue and gray, flickering even as he squinted at them.

The lines seemed to move - horizontally, although he couldn’t quite describe why he perceived that - and he felt the earth tremble again.

“Shit, let’s go,” he said, kneeling next to the man. “Can you move?”

“I’m sure someone called an ambulance by now. There was another injured… person…” The man’s eyelids sank lower, his voice fading into a murmur.

Gin wasn’t sure if his gigai had adrenaline or any of the other regular human things that might give him the strength to stay alive, but as he glanced over his shoulder again, he knew he had to try. He dropped the broom and pulled the man’s arm over his own shoulder, ignoring the blood that sank into his sweatshirt. “Come on, _walk,_ ” he hissed.

The man took two faltering steps, then leaned the majority of his weight on Gin. Gin dragged him toward the alley that marked the edge of the park farthest from the Hollow, but he couldn’t move more than two large steps per second. He could only hope the Hollow was slow or stayed distracted by something else.

As the ground’s shaking increased, he knew his luck was about to run out. He didn’t dare turn around. There was no point, anyway, not if he couldn’t properly see the damn thing.

For the first time since waking up from his coma, he resented the fact that Central 46 had stripped his powers. He knew it wasn’t right to, especially since he was the one who had recklessly, _stupidly_ left Kisuke’s house--

Now he could hear each individual footstep more clearly than before. The alley was now only just a few meters away, but it wasn’t like that invisible boundary would stop a Hollow.

He could have sworn he felt its breath. He’d felt it enough times as a Soul Reaper, but he knew there was no way that he should be able to feel it in that godforsaken gigai.

A final roar, this time even closer, and he begged his body to move faster. As he closed his eyes and took another desperate step, something hit him in the back and sent him flying forward.

His head smacked into the sidewalk, and a dull crunch shot through his nose. He heard the man he was carrying moan in pain next to him, but Gin’s own pain was too strong to worry about anything but what was going on behind them. He tasted blood, and he spat out a piece of tooth before forcing his head up to look back behind him.

A cloud of dust had risen over the park, and his heart lurched into his throat as he watched it settle. When he could finally see something again, a faint but unmistakable outline of a petite Soul Reaper was all that remained. Her colors began to come into view, but not enough for him to make out anything more than black hair and a standard black uniform.

She - and he knew it was a _she_ because of how many times he had watched her while doing surveillance for Aizen - seemed to grow smaller for a moment, as if walking away, then twisted and came back toward him. 

There was the boxy outline of a lieutenant’s badge on her left arm - a different place from where Rangiku wore hers. It confirmed his suspicions, but he still thought it was odd. Maybe he was hallucinating from the pain.

“Why aren’t you a Captain yet, anyway?” he mumbled as he let his head fall back against the ground.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The giant spider-like Hollow looming over Rangiku was no match for Haineko at full strength, even though it had gained a stealth advantage by jumping out from the third floor of a parking garage. She let the ash do all the work, then smirked over her shoulder at the two junior Soul Reapers with her. “I know you wanted to take that one, but we’re in a hurry today,” she said, her voice only half-joking.

As she finished her sentence, a third Soul Reaper arrived, and he bowed before announcing: “Lieutenant, the situation in Karakura Town is better, but still worse than here. They’ve requested backup.”

“On it. I think this area is done.” Rangiku sheathed Haineko and nodded to the other two. She was exhausted, but she knew she had to head to Karakura - partly out of obligation, and partly because she needed to confirm that Gin was out of harm's way. “Stay here, and if anything else funny happens, just use your--”

She froze as she felt a cold, creeping sensation over her skin. She was definitely sensing a Hollow, and though its location seemed distant, there was something off about it. The others responded immediately, readying their swords, and Rangiku pulled Haineko back out and said: “Karakura’s gonna have to wait a minute. Tell Lieutenant Kuchiki or whoever is over there to keep an eye out for--”

A loud crash made her jump and turn back toward the parking garage, but her reaction time was a split second too slow. Something heavy crashed into her, tearing into her chest, and her vision went black as soon as her head hit the pavement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading! We should be wrapping up in 3-4 chapters here. I'm aiming for a happy ending, but we'll see...


	26. The Embrace, Part VI

Rangiku’s blurred thoughts didn’t come into focus until well after she had opened her eyes. The pain in Rangiku’s head wasn’t nearly as bad as the pain in her chest, but it was still enough to make her want to close her eyes again.

Something in the back of her mind pushed her to stay awake, though, and within a few seconds, a black-haired Soul Reaper crouched down within her view.

“Lieutenant Matsumoto.”

Rangiku recognized Rukia, but took a few seconds longer to recognize the bright white walls behind her. They were in the Squad 4 clinic, and judging by how quiet the room was, there likely weren’t many people there. Instead of rolling over to check, though, Rangiku squinted at the bandages on Rukia’s left hand.

“Rukia. You got scratched up too, huh?”

Rukia sighed and shook her head. “‘Too’? That gash you have there isn’t a scratch--”

“I’m fine. What happened--” Rangiku stopped as pain shot through her chest. “What happened to the rest of my team?”

“They’re fine now, as far as I know. You got hit the worst. They said it caught all of you by surprise.”

Rukia’s face was contemplative. “What is it?” Rangiku added.

Rukia glanced over her shoulder before leaning closer. “Gin Ichimaru had left the Urahara shop and was protecting a human when I got there,” she whispered.

A paralyzing jolt shot through Rangiku as she processed the words. In her mental fog, she hadn’t even remembered the chaos over in Karakura Town. “What do you mean ‘protecting’?” she whispered.

“Well, more like trying to haul him out of there.” Rukia glanced over her shoulder again. “I have no idea how he got out, or what happened, but I’m pretty sure he could see the Hollow and mostly managed to stay away from it, but I had to kick him out of the way at one point, and Kisuke and Tessai had showed up just as I left to deal with--”

“Is he okay?”

Rukia smiled weakly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “It didn’t look great when I got there, but I couldn’t tell whose blood was whose. I’m sure Kisuke will patch the gigai up. The human he saved should pull through, too, by the looks of it--”

Rangiku sat up halfway and swung one leg out of bed toward Rukia. Across the room, she heard Isane yell: “Lieutenant!”

“Wait, wait, I didn’t phrase that right!” Rukia hissed in Rangiku’s ear. “Gin didn’t look good, but I’m pretty sure that was mostly blood from the other guy! And even if it was his, it’s not going to be enough to kill him!”

“I have to go. I--” Rangiku winced. She wasn’t dizzy, fortunately, but the ache in her chest got worse with each movement. “I’ve already missed him enough.”

“Lieutenant,” Isane said, leaning over her the two of them, “do not risk reopening your wounds--”

“Then fix them up enough that I can go.”

“To where?”

“To Gin. I’ll use my gigai once I’m there. It’ll be fine.”

Isane shook her head. “That will take time--”

“Do the bare minimum, and then let me go.” Rangiku winced again, but forced herself to meet Isane’s gaze. “Please.”

Isane looked at Rukia, who stared at the floor instead of offering her input. “Give me an hour,” Isane murmured. “Come back afterward, though, so I can properly finish. And do not leave the Urahara residence, understand?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thought in Gin’s head when he woke up was that his mouth was dry. His eyes ached when he opened them, but even that wasn’t as bad as the pain in his nose. It felt like someone had torn it off and clumsily reattached it.

The only sounds were Jinta and Ururu’s muffled, distant voices. His eyes cracked open and an unfamiliar light filtered through. It took him several seconds to recognize it as kido. He closed his eyes again and laid still, not wanting to disrupt the process. He could feel the pain in his nose receding, though, and within a few minutes he saw the glow behind his eyelids fading.

“How are you feeling?” Kisuke’s voice asked.

Gin opened his eyes. He was on his futon in his room, with Kisuke kneeling to his right. He could feel something soft against his forehead, but he knew better than to reach up and touch it. “Better than I was when I woke up two minutes ago,” he replied.

“You hit your head pretty hard. How much do you remember?”

“I left the house because Tessai had run off to deal with a Hollow - he looked like he had gone east, out the back of the house, and this Hollow was west, by a park up the street…” He trailed off and swallowed, trying to drive the dryness from his mouth.

Kisuke moved closer and held out a glass of water. “Need this?”

Gin slowly sat up, noting the dull pain throughout his back. He choked down a mouthful of water, struggling as his nose throbbed, and took a moment to dig through his memories again before continuing: “There was a man injured in the park, and I tried to get him out of there. He obviously had no idea what was going on.”

“And you did, even though you have no spiritual pressure anymore.”

“Well…” Gin hesitated. “More or less. First I heard the sounds of it thrashing around, then I was pretty sure I heard it roar.”

Kisuke didn’t react to that, and Gin wondered if he believed him. It was entirely possible the roar had been a figment of his imagination. The outline of it sure hadn’t been, though.

Before Gin could continue, though, Kisuke said: “First of all, the man you helped is fine. The Kurosakis are looking after him. Secondly, normally I’d be mad at you for leaving, but considering the circumstances…” He sighed. “Let me explain. It seems some kids stole some candy from the shop when Jinta left the door unlocked late last night… except it was Hollow Bait, not candy.”

“Oh. You still have that stuff?”

“Well, it wasn’t supposed to be upstairs, let alone near the store itself, but I think Ururu or Jina moved it upstairs by mistake, and here we are. I noticed a few other things missing this morning from the store, but I thought it was just Jinta stealing snacks, so it didn't even register as a problem at first.”

Gin sighed and rubbed his eyes, flinching as he touched his still-sensitive nose. “So there was a Hollow outbreak?”

“Sure was. My visit to Soul Society got interrupted to deal with it. I went with Squad 13 to what seemed like the epicenter of it probably ten minutes before Tessai left the house to deal with one of the few that got away.” Kisuke fanned himself as he sighed again. “Things got a little out of control after that, even with me, Yoruichi and even Lieutenant Kuchiki’s help. There were just a lot of them.”

Gin was quiet, and Kisuke added: “You have every right to be angry, I think. This was ultimately my store’s responsibility.”

“To be honest, I thought you learned your lesson from that time you sold something you shouldn’t have and wreaked a little havoc at Mr. Kurosaki’s high school.”

“Oho, you remember so well!”

“Speaking of which - Was that Rukia Kuchiki who saved me?”

Kisuke’s fan froze. “Yes.”

Gin knew there was no hiding it now. “I could see her outline, just like I could see the Hollow’s,” he said slowly, “and toward the end of the battle, I could see a little bit of color too. It wasn’t hard to guess, based on how this is kinda Squad 13’s turf, and all.”

Kisuke stared down at the floor, his expression unreadable under his hat. “You’re not supposed to be able to see them or the Hollows at all,” he murmured.

“I know. I think…” Gin felt the small of his back and winced. “She might have kicked me out of the way.”

Kisuke didn’t smile. “I believe she did. Have you been able to see anything like that before today? Like when Lieutenant Matsumoto was here, before getting in her gigai.”

“No.”

“Did you sense people’s arrival?”

“Not that I really recall, no.”

Kisuke resumed fanning himself, but at a much slower pace. “I suppose it’s possible that you only sense them when they’re putting out a certain amount of spiritual pressure deliberately, like when they’re preparing to attack, or something. Central 46 always suspected that we might not be able to 100% fully eradicate someone’s spiritual pressure, and it’s a punishment that’s used so rarely they haven’t been able to test it well. We’ll have to do some experiments on you!”

He laughed dryly, but Gin didn’t join in. “Is it possible that I got re-sensitized to it by being around you all so much?” Gin murmured. “After all, Ichigo’s friends had their powers awaken after being around his spiritual pressure so much.”

“It’s possible. I’m sure it’s not enough to bring your powers completely back, though, especially with the limiters I put on that gigai as an extra precaution.” Kisuke jabbed his fan in Gin’s direction. “Anyway, it was stupid of you to leave the house without permission, and the Head Captain’s not gonna be happy about it. But I’ll make sure he understands the circumstances, and I’ll ask Lieutenant Kuchiki to vouch for you.”

“Do you think she will?”

“Of course. Regardless of what she thinks of you, she’ll always tell the truth when asked.”

Gin stared down at his lap. “She’s not normally here, now that she’s a Lieutenant, and all, but a bunch of them came over in a hurry once we realized how bad things were,” Kisuke added.

“It was just Karakura Town, right?”

“No, one of the Hollow Bait packages made it all the way over to Naruki City too.”

Gin’s eyes shot wide, and Kisuke waved a fan. “Squad 10 took care of it. It wasn’t as bad over there, anyway.”

“Good.” Gin rubbed his eyes again. He felt fatigue setting back in, and he wondered if he would completely wreck his sleep schedule if he just laid down and took a proper nap.

Before he could process the idea, though, Kisuke straightened up and turned halfway toward the closed door. A few seconds later, a thin, wavering outline slipped through, its form hunched and uncertain. If he hadn’t been able to sense a normal soul-like presence within it, Gin might have mistaken it for some small, weak Hollow.

Kisuke stood and stepped closer to it. “How about you wait here while I go get your gigai? It's in its usual spot, but I guess that's a little far...”

Part of the blurry figure moved back and forth rapidly in a motion vaguely resembling a wave. Kisuke sighed, opened the door, and disappeared beyond it.

Gin blinked and squinted, but still couldn’t see anything other than an outline. It was even fainter than when he had seen Rukia at the park. As soon as Kisuke left, though, the form came closer until it was next to Gin - kneeling, perhaps, based on the height it had dropped to. 

He felt a delicate warmth on his forehead next to the thin bandage on its left side, but it was laced with a chill, like a breeze from the mountains on a warm spring day. “Rangiku,” he murmured. “Why didn’t you get your gigai right away? What’s going on?”

More warmth, this time dancing over his cheek. “I can’t hear you at all, but I’m just glad that you’re here,” he murmured. “I can see you a little.”

He raised one hand, gently reaching toward where he thought her face was. The form leaned into his hand, and he felt the same strange warmth against it. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he murmured. “Sorry I made you worry.”

\--------------------------------------------------

Kisuke was taking too long with the gigai. Rangiku struggled to her feet, resting one hand on Gin’s shoulder for support. She turned and took several clumsy steps toward the door before Kisuke opened the door and came through with her gigai draped over his shoulder.

“I told you to sit,” Kisuke said, kneeling and propping the gigai against his shoulder. "You arrived in the middle of my store and just stumbled in here..."

“I told you I’m fine,” Rangiku hissed, tugging her shihakusho to cover the bandages on her chest. “They’re not deep, they’re just… ugly. Bruised, too.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“If I’m in the gigai, then he’ll have no idea I’m injured, right?”

“I guess not. Injuries you sustained in this form generally don’t transfer, so…”

Rangiku looked over her shoulder. Gin had tilted his head, and she realized his hearing wasn’t damaged - he really could only hear Kisuke’s words.

“How much did the others tell you?” Kisuke whispered.

“Not much. Biggest question: how the hell was he able to leave your house?”

Kisuke sighed and looked at Gin. “I might as well tell both of you,” he said, “but this gigai’s heavy, so Lieutenant, if I could ask you to hurry up and-- _ow._ ”

Rangiku punched him in the shoulder as she slipped into the gigai. She felt the pain from her wounds fade like light behind a curtain, and when she looked down at herself, she only saw the gigai’s smooth, undamaged skin across her chest. The v-neck shirt was in need of washing, but it would do for the moment.

Feeling much lighter, she stood and hurried over to Gin, who smiled sheepishly at her before Kisuke said: “Head Captain Kyoraku and I came to the conclusion that we could set up the barrier around the house in a way that would let Gin leave if myself, Yoruichi, and Tessai were all absent. We figured that was a smart, ethical failsafe of sorts in case of a fire or other disaster.”

“But it notified you that Gin had left the house, and that’s how you knew to head to the park so fast,” Rangiku said.

“Precisely!” Kisuke said. “Lieutenant Kuchiki and I headed over immediately. So it more or less worked as intended!”

“More or less.” Rangiku knelt and looked over Gin’s body again, just like she had done when she arrived. “Did he mostly heal you up?”

“Yeah, I mostly feel okay.” Gin patted her hand, and she wondered if her face was glowing even in her gigai.

“I have to go talk to Head Captain Kyoraku soon, but rest assured, the fallout isn't going to be catastrophic,” Kisuke said, sighing as he stood again. “I’ll send Ururu or Tessai in to finish patching you up as soon as I can.”

“Thank you,” Gin said softly.

“Don’t mention it. This whole fiasco is mostly my fault.”

As soon as the door closed behind Kisuke, Rangiku set her palm on the futon on the other side of Gin’s hip, leaning over him. “Are you really okay?” she asked.

“I should be asking you that.” He looked over her shoulders and chest. “It sounded like--”

“My eyes are up here.”

He cringed and jerked his eyes upward. “I’m saying he made it sound like you were injured in your spirit form!”

“I was, but that doesn’t matter right now.” She leaned forward to kiss him on the lips, but forced herself to be gentle. He broke off the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers, angling his so that the bandage didn’t get bumped.

“I got distracted and a Hollow got the jump on us in Naruki,” she continued. “I got permission from Head Captain Kyoraku to come over briefly, but I can’t stay long.”

He blinked. “Did you get permission before or after he knew I left the house?”

“After, I think.” She stared at the floor. “That’s awfully trusting of him, now that I think about it. Then again, Yoruichi and Tessai are both back.”

“When he said he was going to go talk to Head Captain Kyoraku soon, did he mean here, or in the Soul Society?”

She leaned back, and as their eyes met, she burst into nervous giggles. “Well, that probably explains it,” she said, sighing. “You can’t get into any more trouble with literally four Captain-level Soul Reapers in the house, even if I helped you or something.”

He smiled, but it was thin and weary. “You’re not mad at me for leaving the house, are you?” he asked.

“Oh--” She sighed again, this time more heavily as her heart tensed as if preparing to lash out. “Of course I am!”

He didn’t reply, and she forced herself to count to five before continuing: “You’re not a Soul Reaper anymore, Gin. You can’t put yourself at risk like that.”

“We’re both still Soul Reapers in our own ways. I may have gone to the Academy for my own warped reasons, but…” He trailed off and raised his hand to rest against her cheek. “I guess there’s an ideal I can uphold now, y’know? An ideal that everyone there taught me. An ideal that you uphold, too.”

“Ideal? What ideal?” When his smile faded, she quickly added: “I mean, with everything that’s happened, with the Soul Society being as warped as it is…”

“If I can help someone, I should. If that's the way to redeem myself, then I won't turn down the chance to.”

His eyes were shut, but not in his usual, snake-like grin. It was the same pained expression he’d had when he left the Soul Society with Aizen.

“Can’t you just stay alive and work on redemption in your own good time? You can’t do a damn thing if you’re dead…”

He didn’t meet her gaze as her vision wavered, clouding with bright drops that made her eyes sting and close. “Stay alive for me,” she mumbled. “Stay alive and trust us with the rest.”

He still didn’t look at her, even as she leaned closer. “This soul - it isn’t even a real human soul, right? So if you died…” Her voice caught. “You’d be reincarnated here, as a human, right? And then I’d have to watch you grow up from afar, aging at different rates, unable to even watch over you, and ending up on completely different paths--” 

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, but he still didn’t move. It felt like he was keeping her at arm’s length - literally, she thought as she grabbed his free hand in hers.

“I can’t promise that, Rangiku,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t even be alive right now, so…”

“You’re so stubborn.” She squeezed his hand hard, but stopped as she realized her nails were digging into his skin. 

The hand on her cheek rose to stroke her hair, then dropped back down to wipe her tears. She could see he wasn’t crying, but that didn’t surprise her - he never did, and maybe never would. And that was fine. She could read him better than she could read anyone else in all of the human world and the Soul Society. She could see in his face that he was conflicted; wanting to do the right thing but also wanting to do what he needed to do for her. After all the fighting he had done for her, it was the ultimate dilemma, and she didn’t envy him for having to grapple with it.

Maybe it wasn’t even that deep. Maybe fatalism had finally kicked in for him. Maybe he had given up on getting to continue life in any way that mattered.

But then he placed a slow kiss on her forehead, bringing both hands up to gently hold her head steady, and she felt a flicker of peace. “Yeah,” he finally said, kissing her eyelids, “I’m stubborn. But that’s what’s kept me alive this long, so maybe it’ll keep working out.”

A smile broke through her tears as she rested her hands on his thighs. “That much is true.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the 3200-word chapter! I've started drafting the next chapter, though, and there just wasn't a good place to break the chapter other than right after their conversation plays out.
> 
> Next chapter will be the final REAL chapter before the nice, long epilogue...!


	27. The Embrace, Part VII

When Rangiku got back to the Soul Society, she signed off on her Third Seat’s incident report, went back to her room, and slept for nearly 12 hours. She awoke early sometime the next morning when there was still just a dusting of light covering the bottom half of the sky. She tossed and turned, but the pain had crept back into her chest, and she knew she would have to go to Squad 4 eventually. Maybe it was best to go earlier rather than later to avoid bothering them during work.

She flash-stepped halfway there, then slowed as she felt the weight of her injuries catching up to her. She ordinarily would have no trouble covering that distance, but her ribcage was still sore enough to make any extra vibrations or strain painful.

Within a minute of slowing down, though, she saw a man in a familiar straw hat and pink kimono over a Captain’s uniform. The man raised the brim of his hat just high enough to look at her as he approached her from her left, but she didn’t need to see his face to know who he was.

“Good morning, Head Captain,” she said, bowing as much as her wound would allow her.

“Don’t bow; I know it hurts.” He let go of his hat and didn’t meet her gaze again. “I was just having an early-morning chat with Captain Ukitake. Walk with me for a bit, would you? You’re heading to Squad 4, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” She wondered how much he had heard already about the day before, but she didn’t want to ask yet. She was still mulling over his words: _an early-morning chat with Captain Ukitake._

They walked in silence for several seconds, and she glanced over at him, hoping to read his face in the shadows growing slowly paler. The only sound was vague clatters and footsteps from random front doors and a handful of passers-by beginning to appear in the streets around them, but she knew better than to make small talk. He had something to say.

“You and I and almost everyone else around here knows that Gin Ichimaru can’t stay at the Urahara shop forever,” Shunsui said once there was no one around.

She nodded. “It sounds like people know that, yes.”

“But there’s the issue of whether he can or should be anywhere else. There’s also the issue of if he can even do anything useful and productive to keep him out of trouble.” His gaze flicked over at her for an instant. “Sorry to phrase it that way.”

“I understand.”

The hat dipped low again, and she was unsure if he was falling silent because he didn’t know what to say or because of the second-story window open in the building next to them. Once they had passed it, he continued: “Captain Kurotsuchi is interested in setting up some equipment in the World of the Living, probably in Naruki City, and wants somebody to monitor it. Unfortunately, he doesn’t want to send someone from his Squad to monitor it full-time, and he doesn’t trust Kisuke Urahara to do it without tinkering with it. We want him to have somebody monitoring it, though, even though he claims it’s all in accordance with regulations and nothing bad could possibly happen.”

She thought she knew what he was saying, but knew better than to get her hopes up.

“I spoke to Lieutenant Kuchiki about the incident yesterday already. She had no ethical qualms about possibly reassigning Gin Ichimaru’s placement to a more…” He shrugged. “ _Sustainable_ location - perhaps this outpost of Captain Kurostuchi’s - as long as it’s tightly monitored just like before. Of course, someone would have to provide supplies to the location, since we wouldn’t just let him go get supplies on his own. It would still very much be house arrest, but a slightly more… useful house arrest.”

She stared at the pavers lining the street in front of her, studying the way her sandals connected with each one and letting the repetition calm her. “Would he be in any danger?”

“We would make sure any barrier placed around his location would be just as strong as the one Urahara has.” He wagged a finger. “And no failsafe for him to get out, at least not more than maybe ten meters from the house.”

She blinked. “A house?”

“He’d live on the first floor. Equipment would be on the second floor.” He shrugged, but the motion was barely visible. “Captain Kurotsuchi was under the impression that one doesn’t necessarily need spiritual pressure to monitor and even make minor adjustments to his equipment, and he was almost willing to hire one of Ichigo Kurosaki's friends, but I convinced him that they probably wouldn’t want to work with him.”

“I’m not sure I want Gin working with him, either.”

“Believe me, I’m committed to keeping Kurotsuchi on a tighter leash than before, and I think having Gin in his facility even gives us a convenient excuse to go check on things occasionally.” There was a dark edge to Shunsui’s voice, but his smile broadened a split second later. “Anyway, I can’t guarantee that any of this will happen, but… After everything that’s happened, and after having some long conversations with Captain Ukitake about it, I think this might be the right path forward.”

Her stomach tightened as he mentioned that name again. “Thank you for even considering it, Head Captain,” she murmured, bowing again.

“There’s just one thing. They might insist on keeping you away from him while the decision is being made - not necessarily while they’re deliberating, but while they’re investigating yesterday’s incident.” He paused for a beat. “Not that there’s much to be investigated, though.”

She didn’t know exactly who ‘they’ was - the Captains, including her own? Central 46? - but she nodded. “That’s fine,” she murmured. “I can live with that. Thank you, sir.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------

A full week passed without incident, and the days began to blur together like smudged pencil on paper. Gin’s lingering soreness faded, he gave his full statement about the Hollow incident to Nanao Ise in the Head Captain’s stead, and he returned to his old routines of cleaning, writing, and reading. Kisuke, Tessai, and Yoruichi were careful not to leave him alone at the house again, even though they reassured him that they didn’t _blame_ him; they just didn’t want any more fiascos on their hands.

He sent two letters to Rangiku, but Yoruichi told him Rangiku was swamped again and couldn’t visit the next week. He hoped Yoruichi at least told her he was fully whole and healthy again. He had tried to reassure her in his letters, but he knew she would believe it more if she heard it from someone else as well.

On the ninth day, Gin’s reading was interrupted by the sound of voices outside his bedroom door. He didn’t even have to open it to know who it was. He waited quietly, fighting off the vague unease squeezing his chest, knowing that they would call once they were ready for him.

There was a soft knock, and Kisuke’s voice said. “Company’s here!”

“Come in,” Gin replied, setting his book aside and standing.

The door slid open, and Toshiro’s gigai form stepped in with a slight bow. There was less suspicion in his eyes than usual, but he still looked around the room as if half-expecting to see a Hollow. “Let’s see,” he said, fixing his gaze on Gin.

Gin bowed politely, but didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure what “Let’s see” meant.

Toshiro shuffled closer and stared up at Gin with narrowed eyes. Just as Gin was considering breaking the silence, Toshiro called over his shoulder: “Urahara! There’s still a mark on his forehead!”

Kisuke leaned through the door. “What--”

“He’s in your custody, so it’s your responsibility to keep him safe!”

“He _is_ safe--”

“Better not let it happen again."

“You’re seriously scolding a grown man?" Kisuke said with a heavy sigh. "Be careful, or I’ll go tell Isshin--”

Toshiro’s hand fell to where his zanpakuto should be, and Kisuke skittered away, giggling behind his fan. As he turned around again and spotted Gin’s smile, though, Toshiro said: “I still don’t trust you.”

“That’s fine.”

Byakuya appeared in the doorway next and stared at Gin with a similarly blank expression. “But I respect what you did,” Toshiro said. “Just don’t do it again.”

Byakuya nodded, but didn’t chime in with his own thoughts. Gin wanted to ask what his sister had said - if she had said anything, and if Central 46 had listened to her, and if he could rest easier with any sort of forgiveness for her - but he knew it was better to let it lie. Some things weren’t easy to say in words, especially for a noble. A nod was just barely enough.

When they had bowed and taken their leave, Gin tried to read again, but couldn’t concentrate. The periodic check-in visits to confirm that he was still alive and at the house had often been done by Lieutenants, and Toshiro and Byakuya’s visits had become few and far between.

There was some significance to the fact that they had come by, but he wasn’t sure what. He knew he still had a few more days until Central 46 was scheduled to make a decision about placing him elsewhere. It somehow felt just as long as his original trial.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
Midway through her thirteenth straight day of work, Rangiku fell asleep on the office couch. It was a habit she had largely grown out of in the past few months as she had struggled to stay in her Captain’s good graces, but it was a warm afternoon and exhaustion had set into her very bones.

She awoke in the early evening as the sunlight coming through the window was fading to burnt orange. Toshiro’s voice rumbled through the closed hallway door, its pitch low enough that she barely recognized it at first. He was finally starting to grow, perhaps, she thought as she pulled her head up off the back of the couch.

The door slid open, and she fumbled with her paperwork as she pretended to be busy. “Quit acting; I know you were asleep,” Toshiro said as he shut the door behind him.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “I fell asleep sitting up, if it makes you feel any better.”

“Oh? What an accomplishment.” He strode closer to her table, his eyes focused on the remaining paperwork. “By the way, Central 46 made a decision today.”

He said it the same way he might have announced that he had talked to Momo on the way over, or that he had a fresh recruit from the Academy that showed some promise, or that the Men’s Soul Reaper Association had tried to recruit him again. But she sat up straighter and set her pen aside, not bothering to hide her interest. “Yes?” she said

“They decided Ichimaru and Urahara were equally responsible for his escape, and Ichimaru would’ve been in serious trouble if it weren’t for Lieutenant Kuchiki’s testimony regarding his actions.” He shrugged, but there was no resentment or even uncertainty in it. “I didn’t argue with that assessment. None of the Captains had objections, either, it seems, when we were consulted ahead of Central 46’s verdict today.”

He paused as if to let the statement’s gravity weigh in. Shinji’s face came to mind, but the next people Rangiku thought of were Momo and Izuru. Had they been consulted? Then again, Shinji wouldn’t speak without knowing Momo’s feelings, and Rose knew Izuru well enough by now to understand his view, Rangiku thought.

“The Head Captain proposed moving him to a new location that would serve the needs of Squad 12 and put him under Captain Kurotsuchi’s purview, and Central 46 reluctantly agreed,” he continued. “The details will be hashed out as soon as possible, but that’s the general idea.”

His words echoed in her ears as she tried to process them. “The Head Captain quietly told me he had already floated the idea past you,” he added when she didn’t reply.

“He did,” she said, nodding.

He folded his arms, and his unfamiliar calm facade returned to its usual tense state. “I don’t love the idea. But it gives us an easy excuse to check in on whatever it is Kurotsuchi wants to do with that equipment.”

She leaned back against the couch again and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s a win-win, huh.”

“I wouldn’t quite call it that.” He stretched one arm up and sighed, and she realized the Captains’ meeting must have been long. “Still, since it’s being set up in our turf, and I wouldn’t trust just anybody to go over there and check on things, so I told the Head Captain it would be fine for you to spend significant portions of your weekends over there as long as it doesn’t interfere with your other duties.”

She sat up fast enough to strain her neck. “ _Ow_ \- really?”

“First, I need you on an away mission for two weeks, but it’s minor and safe. Sending a Lieutenant is a pain, but it’s mostly a formality to appease Central 46 since they’re worried about appeasing the nobles involved, and no one else’s Lieutenant can go.” He rolled his eyes. “By the time you get back, he should be moved into the new place.”

She pinched the skin on the inside of her forearm. Orihime had said it was something humans did when they thought they were having an unbelievably good dream. The pinch hurt, and Rangiku assumed that meant she was awake, unless it was a very, very realistic dream.

"Do your best, Rangiku. I can't forgive him. But that doesn't mean every single one of us should give up on whatever potential he has left,” Toshiro said as he stepped back and laid a hand on the door. “I have to run to Squad 12 myself now. Get back to work.”

“Captain--” She raised a hand, but let it falter as his gaze met hers again. He looked a little older than before, and his eyes were calmer, but he was still Toshiro. Knowing him, there was no way the trauma of Gin’s twisted actions had faded completely.

Perhaps this was what it meant to _move on._ She wasn’t sure if any of them would ever feel _at peace_ with what had happened, but maybe that wasn’t the same thing as to _move on_ , she thought as she shook her head. “It’s nothing. Thank you, Captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter - although it's something of an epilogue. It'll be up in just a few days!


	28. The Embrace, Part VIII (Epilogue)

_Two weeks later_

Just a minute after Rangiku got off the train, the rain intensified, pounding against the massive windows of the station building with an unfamiliar hollow sound. She realized she wasn’t used to the sound of rain pounding against such large glass surfaces.

A quick peek inside the attached convenience store told her they were sold out of umbrellas, which wasn’t surprising, since it had apparently been raining on and off all day. She had mostly managed to dodge the rain in the hour she had been in the human world, but it seemed her luck had run out.

Gin’s new place was close by, though, so she clutched her shopping bag to her chest and headed out. She had only ended up working at Orihime’s shop a few days, but she had worked damn hard for that money, and she wasn’t about to let the fruits of her labor be wet when she gave them to him.

There were a few building awnings she could walk over on the way, but the edges of those awnings tended to have streams of water drizzling over the sides. By the time she reached the tiny two-story house with a high fence around it, her hair, back, shoulders, and socks were soaked, but the shopping bag was mostly dry.

She stopped as she noticed an opaque pink plastic bag hung on the front gate’s handle. It was tied with a ribbon, but no note or card. There was a faint bit of something hovering about the bag - spiritual pressure, she realized with a jolt. Although she wasn’t sure whose or from where, she knew it was one she had felt before. 

She grabbed it and rang the doorbell, then hurried inside as soon as the gate unlocked. Gin opened the front door just as she reached it. He was wearing a gray t-shirt and sweatpants, and she was glad she had managed to go buy him something nicer. “Why are you so wet?” he asked, holding out an arm as if to embrace her.

She set the pink bag in his hand. “Nice to see you too.”

“What--” He looked down at the small bag as she took off her shoes. “You didn’t bring dinner, did you? I told you I was gonna eat.”

“No, this is…” She shrugged as he untied the ribbon at the top. “It was hanging on your gate.”

Although she couldn’t see inside the bag, she knew what it was as soon as his face lit up. “Dried persimmons,” he murmured, pulling one out and tasting it. “Luckily well-wrapped, so they didn’t get wet. They’re good, too.”

He held one out, and she ate it slowly, trying to figure out whether it was really safe to be eating food of unknown origin. “Maybe one of my new neighbors left it?” he added.

“There was a bit of spiritual pressure lingering on it - not enough for you to sense, I guess, but it’s there.”

His face fell. “Whose? Nobody’s been here in the past two days since they dropped me off. Someone rang the buzzer earlier when it had stopped raining for a bit, but when I looked outside I didn't see anyone.”

“I actually couldn’t tell, it was so faint.” She forced a smile. “But it feels familiar enough that… It could be Momo’s. It could be Izuru’s. Maybe even somebody else's. It's just so _faint._ ”

His face seemed split between relief and sadness, and she closed her eyes, both to kiss him and to hide herself from his pain. “I’ll try to ask around and find out,” she said softly, leaning her forehead against his. “If one of them admits to being in the human world today, then we’ll know it’s them.”

“Yeah.” He rested his free hand on her cheek. “Hurry up and change, will ya? It’s not that warm outside today.”

“I don’t have spare clothes over here yet.”

He sighed. “We should fix that.”

“Surely you have a t-shirt or something that will fit me.”

“I’ll try to find something.” He walked to the tiny couch, rummaged around in the laundry set on it, and pulled out a towel. “Start with your hair, though.”

As he handed her the towel, she felt a strange, stabbing feeling of uncertainty. They were in a house - just the two of them - no obligations, no duties, and few rules. It was the weekend. She had permission to be there. He wasn’t in a coma.

Was this even _real?_

She pinched the inside of her forearm, just as she had done when she heard the news about his relocation. When it hurt, she felt relief. 

He found a clean t-shirt and shorts for her, and she stepped into the bathroom attached to the bedroom. “You can shower, if it’ll help you warm up,” he called from the bedroom.

“I don’t wanna get my hair any more wet, and the bath will take too long,” she whined as she unbuttoned her blouse inside the shower room.

“Suit yourself. Need anything to eat?”

“I had a pretty big snack while shopping.”

She heard him sigh. “You didn’t come directly here?”

“No, I went shopping first.”

“No wonder you got drenched.” A pause. “What’s in the big bag you brought, then?”

“A present! It’s kinda boring. It’s just clothes. But it’s nice clothes that I think you’ll look good in!” She whipped her head around and squinted through the frosted glass door panel. “No peeking!”

“At you, or the present--”

“The present!”

She stood perfectly still for a moment wondering if he would think there was an invitation hidden in her answer. She heard his footsteps head away from the bathroom, though, and realized he wasn’t going to peak at her _or_ the present. She sighed and flung her wet bra over the towel bar before trying to tug his t-shirt on.

It barely fit, and it was smooshing her into nearly an unrecognizable shape. The thin, rough fabric was doing nothing to warm her up, either.

She threw the shorts on as well, and they at least didn’t ruin the shape of her hips. She spent a few minutes running the towel over her hair, desperately trying to dry it without ruining it. She needed to start keeping a brush over there too, apparently.

It was weird. It somehow felt like living together.

“Next time you go shopping, can’t you take the Senkaimon back and then come directly here? Like, right outside my door?” Gin called.

“I like the train. It’s nice to get to just see humans for a bit,” she replied.

He laughed softly, and her heart felt tighter than before. She opened the shower room door and followed him into the kitchen, which looked well-organized considering he had moved in just two days prior. “You want some tea? Sorry, I should’ve made some while you were changing,” he said as he reached into a high cabinet. “Mr. Urahara gave me some nice tea as a going-away present, although I’m not totally sure what’s in it…”

She was half-listening as she watched him. His hair had gotten shaggy, and she made a mental note to see about getting him a haircut. She stepped closer and ran her fingers over the side of his head to straighten out a cowlick, and he breathed out a faint laugh. “I should do something about the hair, huh? I didn't even know gigai hair _could_ grow,” he murmured.

She kissed his ear and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her chest into his back. She could feel the muscles beneath his t-shirt. He had gotten stronger since he had first gotten into the gigai.

He nearly dropped the box in his hands. “Did you still want tea?” he asked, his voice thin.

“The tea can wait.” She let her hands roam upward, tracing over his pecs. “You’re warm enough.”

She felt him exhale, a kind reminder that he was, in fact, _alive._ He set the box down, rested his hands on hers, and gently lifted them off of his chest. “This way makes more sense,” he murmured as he turned around.

She pressed him against the counter as his lips grazed hers. He held the back of her head, wrapping his fingers in the long, damp tresses and holding her steady. She was torn between wanting to hurry things along and wanting to savor the end of a long, horrible saga - 100 years, she reminded herself, of having to watch him from afar as they fought through their different paths.

Different paths without even a moment of _this._

She broke off the kiss but kept their faces close. “Hey,” she mumbled, her voice shaking, “I love you. You know that, right?”

His head moved back slightly. “I was supposed to say it first.”

She laughed and buried her face in his neck, and she felt him shake with barely-suppressed laughter. “It doesn’t matter! I…” She trailed off as she sighed. “Whatever.”

“I love you too, Ran.”

She straightened up and looked him in the eyes. Even in the aging yellow light of the kitchen, they shone their usual icy blue, and they looked more resolute than ever.

She rested one hand on his cheek as she pulled him in for another kiss. He kept one hand in her hair, but the other one drop to wrap around the back of her waist.

Even with the slight, nagging disconnect between her spiritual form and the gigai, it felt like her body was coming into bloom. This was where she had longed to be for years, and she was finally there. The setting was strange, and the future was murky, but it was still Gin.

She let her tongue dart across his lips and ran a thumb over the waistband of his sweatpants. He squeezed her waist and broke the kiss to whisper in her ear: “Let’s do this somewhere a little more comfortable, hm?”

She let herself savor his warmth for one more second, terrified that when she opened her eyes, she might find out it was all a dream. When he unwrapped his arm from around her, he took her hand and pulled her back toward the bedroom, and she followed wordlessly.

There was little need for words, at that point. They had spent weeks and months and years just on words. She would’ve been happy with just words, but this was the closest to bliss she knew she would ever feel.

\---------------------------------------------------

For the first time ever, he woke up with a hand on his chest. It draped lazily over his sternum just below his collarbone, and its fingers held no strength or tension, just perfect rest and peace. It took him several seconds to mentally connect the hand with the head against his shoulder.

They hadn’t fallen asleep in that position. He had tossed and turned a little bit overnight as he grew accustomed to the new futon. Rangiku had slept like a rock, though, barely moving at all.

Until now, apparently. When he turned his head to the left, her head moved, and he felt breath on his jaw before she said: “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”

“Don’t think so,” he mumbled, though he wasn’t sure it was the truth.

She kissed his chin and returned her head to its previous position, nestled sweetly on his shoulder. Her eyes slid shut for a few seconds, but drifted open again, as if waiting for something. 

He knew he was awake. He also knew he didn’t _deserve_ to be awake.

He rolled onto his side, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. Part of it was to hold her. Part of it was to hide his sudden tears, but he’d never admit that.

Her fingers traced lazy circles over his collarbone. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I didn’t sleep that well, because this futon sucks,” he mumbled. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything, though.”

“We can get a new one, though.”

“No,” he whispered. “We’re going to stay in bed all day and make up for lost time.”

She giggled and kissed his chest. “You mean that in a romantic way, or something else?”

He sighed, and she giggled again. “I meant it romantic, because it’s nice to just hold you, but…” He let one hand settle between her shoulder blades as he blinked the rest of his tears away. “Anything you want. Anything at all. You’ve earned it.”

She let one hand snake over his waist and rest there, not searching or pulling. “We have time, love,” she whispered, tilting her head up to kiss him.

_\-- not the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit we did it! That's the story! I may go back and lightly revise some chapters, but in terms of the overall arc and ending, this is now complete.
> 
> I have a lot of complicated feelings about how I ended up wrapping this up. Forgiveness and justice, especially Gin's case, would be messy and never tie up neatly in a nice little package. There are characters who never get to confront Gin directly, and he doesn't get clear closure from all of them either - which is exactly how it would work in real life. I thought that Central 46 (and Shunsui) cynically using Gin to keep an eye on Kurotsuchi would make sense, too, and I considered going more into that, but I said I would keep this fic under 50k words and even failed at that...
> 
> I hope at the very least folks are finishing this fic with some fresh thoughts on justice, forgiveness, healing, and all that. Forgiveness is a spectrum, and you don't necessarily have to forgive someone to acknowledge that they still are capable of doing good and deserve the chance to do that good. Granted, not everyone in the world deserves a second chance, but I think many people who deserve a second chance (or even a third one) never get it. I want us to think more creatively about what could happen to help people reach whatever potential they still have instead of just giving up and locking them away.
> 
> By the way - I never made up my mind who the dried persimmons in this chapter were from. Although, Squad 3 canonically has persimmon trees on their grounds...
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Although I don't write Bleach fic that often (mostly JJK these days), feel free to follow me on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/nanamiism) for yelling and feelings.


End file.
